Help apathy?

[ecmnesia]

i don't care about most things anymore. they might be bad, might be important, still it just doesn't matter to me, not enough for me to do something about it.

not taking the meds right, having terrible side effects and still... don't care. anxiety crisis... don't care. terrible pain... don't care. failing or suceeding in stuff... don't care. it seems everything, even though they affect me, is irrelevant. I can even force myself to care for cbt anymore, I want to die and hate every second of existence, still, I don't care, I lack the drive to do something about it.

I make no effort at all to mantain conversations or relationships.

I'm aware that I look horrible, been careless for quite a time about my appearance, and I see people looking me sideways when I go out, still, I just don't care. I could win the lotery and wouldn't feel a thing. I had to make some "big" decisions latetly and I couldn't even bother choosing, whatever happened I was fine with if it. Somehow, i can't explain it right, but I can't feel my feelings, I know I'm in emotional pain, but it's as if I'm detached from it.

I get angry, tho, but that's all, and sometimes for brief moments I feel stuff, but then suddenly, as fast as it came, it's gone.

what's this?

it's poorly written.. but yeah.

 

[antigone_iris]

I feel very much like that too. Yes, I believe "apathy" is the word for this. Sending hugs

 

[lucrod99]

I feel you. I'm feeling exactly like this and the worse thing about it is that even if you want to feel something about the things and people in your life you don't...

 

[Umbrellaterm]

I see people looking me sideways when I go out, still, I just don't care.

I think this is hilarious. Nothing against you, just that we occupy our thoughts so much on how others perceive or think of us but I know it's a survival mechanisms. Still quite funny.

Fucj what they think. Go out looking like a hobo and don't give a shit.
At least it makes future parents think twice.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

i don't care about most things anymore. they might be bad, might be important, still it just doesn't matter to me, not enough for me to do something about it.

not taking the meds right, having terrible side effects and still... don't care. anxiety crisis... don't care. terrible pain... don't care. failing or suceeding in stuff... don't care. it seems everything, even though they affect me, is irrelevant. I can even force myself to care for cbt anymore, I want to die and hate every second of existence, still, I don't care, I lack the drive to do something about it.

I make no effort at all to mantain conversations or relationships.

I'm aware that I look horrible, been careless for quite a time about my appearance, and I see people looking me sideways when I go out, still, I just don't care. I could win the lotery and wouldn't feel a thing. I had to make some "big" decisions latetly and I couldn't even bother choosing, whatever happened I was fine with if it. Somehow, i can't explain it right, but I can't feel my feelings, I know I'm in emotional pain, but it's as if I'm detached from it.

I get angry, tho, but that's all, and sometimes for brief moments I feel stuff, but then suddenly, as fast as it came, it's gone.

what's this?

it's poorly written.. but yeah.

I can totally relate. Is ambivalence the right word to describe it?

 

[ecmnesia]

I can totally relate. Is ambivalence the right word to describe it?

yes, i guess. it's weird... like I feel, but at the same time, I don't. I perceive things, and they affect me, cause it'd be impossible not to (for example is not reasonable to say that having nightmares and going through withdraw symptoms does not affect me), but it's almost as if they were happening to someone else other than me, cause I don't care about them. sorry for you, tho.

 

[Silvermorning]

I can totally relate. Is ambivalence the right word to describe it?

I'd say more like blunting. I can relate. i'm sure that constant suicidal ideas lead the brain to disassociate and retiring behaviour. Old brain is exhausted from all the self annihilation thoughts, so to survive, goes in stand by, general apathy , anhedonia mode.

In a word: zombification.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Sorry you are both going through his.

 

[albino_elk]

i don't care about most things anymore. they might be bad, might be important, still it just doesn't matter to me, not enough for me to do something about it.

not taking the meds right, having terrible side effects and still... don't care. anxiety crisis... don't care. terrible pain... don't care. failing or suceeding in stuff... don't care. it seems everything, even though they affect me, is irrelevant. I can even force myself to care for cbt anymore, I want to die and hate every second of existence, still, I don't care, I lack the drive to do something about it.

I make no effort at all to mantain conversations or relationships.

I'm aware that I look horrible, been careless for quite a time about my appearance, and I see people looking me sideways when I go out, still, I just don't care. I could win the lotery and wouldn't feel a thing. I had to make some "big" decisions latetly and I couldn't even bother choosing, whatever happened I was fine with if it. Somehow, i can't explain it right, but I can't feel my feelings, I know I'm in emotional pain, but it's as if I'm detached from it.

I get angry, tho, but that's all, and sometimes for brief moments I feel stuff, but then suddenly, as fast as it came, it's gone.

what's this?

it's poorly written.. but yeah.

I think and its my personal opinion im not a doctor or smth , that its brain defence mechanism to make U potatoe in order to save itself

 

[TheGoodGuy]

i don't care about most things anymore. they might be bad, might be important, still it just doesn't matter to me, not enough for me to do something about it.

not taking the meds right, having terrible side effects and still... don't care. anxiety crisis... don't care. terrible pain... don't care. failing or suceeding in stuff... don't care. it seems everything, even though they affect me, is irrelevant. I can even force myself to care for cbt anymore, I want to die and hate every second of existence, still, I don't care, I lack the drive to do something about it.

I make no effort at all to mantain conversations or relationships.

I'm aware that I look horrible, been careless for quite a time about my appearance, and I see people looking me sideways when I go out, still, I just don't care. I could win the lotery and wouldn't feel a thing. I had to make some "big" decisions latetly and I couldn't even bother choosing, whatever happened I was fine with if it. Somehow, i can't explain it right, but I can't feel my feelings, I know I'm in emotional pain, but it's as if I'm detached from it.

I get angry, tho, but that's all, and sometimes for brief moments I feel stuff, but then suddenly, as fast as it came, it's gone.

what's this?

it's poorly written.. but yeah.

Sounds like Anhedonia to me meaning without pleasure I too suffer from apathy and anhedonia, apathy is the lack of feeling emotions where as anhedonia is like I said the lack of feeling pleasure.

I too don´t care about anything anymore I have no hopes, dreams, passions or even hobbies I don´t even care about video games anymore I get bored playing them and I have been gaming since I was a child I also have no friends anymore and I too don´t care about my look since I don´t want or care about getting a girlfriend, I haven´t gotten a haircut for like 1½ years, I don´t buy new clothes I use the same clothes I have used since I was in my late teens.

basically anything you said in that post is the same way I "feel" too. I don´t care about succeeding in stuff since I can´t see why I should care since I don´t see any good in the future I suffer from about 16 physical and mental illnesses several are chronical and on top of that I don´t see adulthood as living even if I didn´t have all those illnesses I started getting at age 20 I often say childhood and teenage years are living, adulthood is just existing because it is, as soon as we become adults the carefree life we once new is gone forever replaced by responsibilities and in general hardship and you are forced to work 8-10 hours just to exist not necessarily live but just to exist. A few years ago I played the lottery once a week in hopes of winning the big jackpot but I stopped at one point because like you I really don´t care that much if I won 100 million, sure I would be financially secure and could get a car which I would love but I still would have my unfixable problems that ruins my "life". I actually stopped playing the lottery because I didn´t have money enough at the time but I do now but I just don´t see any reasons to play because I really don´t care if I win like there is a thread on here if we would still be suicidal if we got 1 billion dollars out of nowhere and I haven´t responded because it wouldn´t change much, sure I would love to give my wonderful parents and siblings hundreds of millions i.e splitting the money so we got the same amount but again it doesn´t solve my physical and mental problems.

Oh also like you I am too apathetic to try and ctb I mean I think of it all the time but I never attempt or even practice there is just no drive it´s not like when I was a teenager even at 19 years old I had depression that made me sad and cried a lot which I can´t now and being sad is a great drive to ctb especially when mixed with the racing teenage hormones but for years I haven´t felt anything so there is no drive/motivation to attempt or even practice ctb the only thing there is is I know it´s the rational and most logical thing to do but without no drive I am stuck here.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah I have definitely reached a who cares kind of point. Everything makes me so anxious it's just too exhausting and I don't want to bother with thinking about anything.

 

[LesDjinns]

We're sorta in the same boat here buddy. Obviously my struggles are different, but similar.

Atleast we still care enough to post on these forums. Perhaps that in and of itself has some value.