Venting Apathy and Anhedonia

[TheGoodGuy]

TLDR; I have for 5 years been apathetic and have anhedonia so I don´t feel any emotion not happiness, sadness, not even excitement or pleasure, every day feels like the same over and over year after year I have no freinds, no hobbies, or passions because of the said apathy and anhedonia life is so boring

Anyone else experience this? After my depression went away at 20½ years old I started to become more apathetic and also developed anhedonia I have for the last 5 years not been able to feel any emotions I don´t feel happy, sad, not even excitement, I find no joy or pleasure in doing anything even sexual pleasure such as masturbation feels so boring like the penis has 4000 nerves but it feels as if I only have maybe 50 nerves left and my testosterone levels are normal and can get an erection no problem it´s just I am so apathetic towards the feeling of sexual stimulation.

And the same for everything else, EVERYTHING is boring I don´t even enjoy video games anymore and I have games since I was a child playing PS1, PS2, Nintendo Gameboy Color and PC everything just sucks now. I don´t have depression I used to have that from 14-20½ so I know how that feels and with depression I used to truly FEEL everything so intense especially the sadness now I don´t feel anything.

Also every day is the same I go to bed and wake up the same time every day and eat the same food almost every day because my allergies and throat problem, I can´t cope with drugs because of my allergies and because my brain is weird so drugs don´t work properly I just get anxiety from them, I used to be able to smoke a ton of weed in my teens although because of my pollen allergies it made it even harder for me to eat and when I tried it some months ago I just got anxiety.

Time also go so fast! I made a vlog which felt like only 2 days ago but found out it was 13 days the last year has felt like maybe a couple months at most. Every day is the same I don´t feel any emotions I don´t have any friends the last time I "hung out with a friend" was a year ago and that was when I lived with my brother so I saw some "friends" when they visited him the only people I "hang out with" is my family at birthdays, Christmas or New Years Eve.

Life used to be a wonderful adventure full of so much fun and/or excitement even in my teens where life was horrible because depression but life was still exciting and I had friends and could use some drugs e.g. Cannabis and have a good time.

I really hope at least 1 person feel the same way because no one else will be able to understand many will ignorantly say that I suffer from depression but again I used to have depression and this is nothing like it I actually wish I had depression still because it was an amazing drive to rope because of all the emotions but now I just don´t feel anything it´s like I am an empty shell of the person I once was.

 

[Seven]

Holy shit, this is exactly how I feel you hit it right on the nail. I don't feel depressed either, yet I deal with everything you said above. After a bunch of life events and mental health going downwards I feel so null. Like food taste grey to me, just grey. Friends are grey, sometime annoying but grey. Masturbation and porn is very grey, i used to be heavily addicted but i get absolutely no pleasure from it, it feels more like a workout than anything. Working out feels like shit too,i stopped 3 weeks ago. Especially the video game thing hits me. I used to love video games so much they were my only escape when life went bad. To cope with anything bad happening I'd run into the fantasy life of video games but now that's not an option. I'm only excited to play 5 games? And I'm not even that excited. I feel blunted like people deal with pleasure from 0-100% and I'm kinda stuck at hitting 25%. It could be depression, who knows, once depression gets so bad you don't even know you have it. That's what I heard anyways. But don't worry I'm in the same boat as you, it's an awful boat but you're not alone. Unfortunately for me I use drugs and looking up fucked up stuff to feel. I've became a drug addict who looks at fucked up things to feel kinda human, to preface I mean guro(don't look it up), or really scary horror. I miss feeling too, I miss being happy, I miss just being person instead of a walking shell trudging through life instead of living it.

 

[not_a_robot]

TLDR; I have for 5 years been apathetic and have anhedonia so I don´t feel any emotion not happiness, sadness, not even excitement or pleasure, every day feels like the same over and over year after year I have no freinds, no hobbies, or passions because of the said apathy and anhedonia life is so boring

Anyone else experience this? After my depression went away at 20½ years old I started to become more apathetic and also developed anhedonia I have for the last 5 years not been able to feel any emotions I don´t feel happy, sad, not even excitement, I find no joy or pleasure in doing anything even sexual pleasure such as masturbation feels so boring like the penis has 4000 nerves but it feels as if I only have maybe 50 nerves left and my testosterone levels are normal and can get an erection no problem it´s just I am so apathetic towards the feeling of sexual stimulation.

And the same for everything else, EVERYTHING is boring I don´t even enjoy video games anymore and I have games since I was a child playing PS1, PS2, Nintendo Gameboy Color and PC everything just sucks now. I don´t have depression I used to have that from 14-20½ so I know how that feels and with depression I used to truly FEEL everything so intense especially the sadness now I don´t feel anything.

Also every day is the same I go to bed and wake up the same time every day and eat the same food almost every day because my allergies and throat problem, I can´t cope with drugs because of my allergies and because my brain is weird so drugs don´t work properly I just get anxiety from them, I used to be able to smoke a ton of weed in my teens although because of my pollen allergies it made it even harder for me to eat and when I tried it some months ago I just got anxiety.

Time also go so fast! I made a vlog which felt like only 2 days ago but found out it was 13 days the last year has felt like maybe a couple months at most. Every day is the same I don´t feel any emotions I don´t have any friends the last time I "hung out with a friend" was a year ago and that was when I lived with my brother so I saw some "friends" when they visited him the only people I "hang out with" is my family at birthdays, Christmas or New Years Eve.

Life used to be a wonderful adventure full of so much fun and/or excitement even in my teens where life was horrible because depression but life was still exciting and I had friends and could use some drugs e.g. Cannabis and have a good time.

I really hope at least 1 person feel the same way because no one else will be able to understand many will ignorantly say that I suffer from depression but again I used to have depression and this is nothing like it I actually wish I had depression still because it was an amazing drive to rope because of all the emotions but now I just don´t feel anything it´s like I am an empty shell of the person I once was.

Did you take any psych meds? At any time?

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I'm sort of the same. I feel very scared all the time and nothing else. I can't remember the last time I laughed or had fun. I used to watch comedies or funny programmes but they don't even make me smile anymore.

I've cut myself off from everyone and whilst I feel alone in the world I don't actually feel lonely. I miss my mum but I don't miss anyone else.

I stay in bed a lot, listening to music or audio books and have a lot of showers, that's all I really do now. I used to be active, enjoyed studying, liked talking to friends and family but not anymore. I cry sometimes but I don't know why, I think maybe the fear is overwhelming or I want to be with my mum.

It's difficult. The advice is to do something, get a hobby, see people etc but it's just not that simple sometimes.

You're not alone in this.

Take care

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Holy shit, this is exactly how I feel you hit it right on the nail. I don't feel depressed either, yet I deal with everything you said above. After a bunch of life events and mental health going downwards I feel so null. Like food taste grey to me, just grey. Friends are grey, sometime annoying but grey. Masturbation and porn is very grey, i used to be heavily addicted but i get absolutely no pleasure from it, it feels more like a workout than anything. Working out feels like shit too,i stopped 3 weeks ago. Especially the video game thing hits me. I used to love video games so much they were my only escape when life went bad. To cope with anything bad happening I'd run into the fantasy life of video games but now that's not an option. I'm only excited to play 5 games? And I'm not even that excited. I feel blunted like people deal with pleasure from 0-100% and I'm kinda stuck at hitting 25%. It could be depression, who knows, once depression gets so bad you don't even know you have it. That's what I heard anyways. But don't worry I'm in the same boat as you, it's an awful boat but you're not alone. Unfortunately for me I use drugs and looking up fucked up stuff to feel. I've became a drug addict who looks at fucked up things to feel kinda human, to preface I mean guro(don't look it up), or really scary horror. I miss feeling too, I miss being happy, I miss just being person instead of a walking shell trudging through life instead of living it.

Seems pretty relateable what you describe but I really hate how every time anyone says anything negative about life it get labeled with DEPRESSION what I looked up was apathy syndrome which resembles depression in almost every way except a few I actually even miss my depression because the intense sadness could almost feel "good" at times, I don´t know how to describe it I just miss FEELING. And the masturbation addiction I can relate to as a teenager I could sometimes masturbate 2 hours in one session and a lot of times I would just edgy (jerking without cumming) there was so much euphoria in it, now it´s just a chore like a sleeping pill before I can fall asleep I don´t really feel much pleasure at all from it.

You are lucky you can at least cope with drugs I have tried several but I get anxiety from almost all of them which is so unfair! But everyone´s brains chemistry is different yet it´s weird it´s all drugs at least I used to enjoy Cannabis I used to smoke like 100g of hash a day when I was 16 now I just get anxiety the same with every other drug like cocaine, amphetamine, caffeine and alcohol, I also have a throat problem and food allergies so I hate eating it´s just a chore and just to give you an example it takes me 20 minutes to eat a Mc Donalds Cheeseburger.

To me happiness is a thing from my childhood and teenage years was filled with depression but at least I truly LIVED in my teenage years I felt so much excitement in many new experiences and had so much fun being a teenager as I have mentioned in other threads but now there is just nothing I don´t get excited by anything.

Did you take any psych meds? At any time?

Nope I never tried any of them, doctors of course tried to push them on me when I was 16 but I refused.

I'm sort of the same. I feel very scared all the time and nothing else. I can't remember the last time I laughed or had fun. I used to watch comedies or funny programmes but they don't even make me smile anymore.

I've cut myself off from everyone and whilst I feel alone in the world I don't actually feel lonely. I miss my mum but I don't miss anyone else.

I stay in bed a lot, listening to music or audio books and have a lot of showers, that's all I really do now. I used to be active, enjoyed studying, liked talking to friends and family but not anymore. I cry sometimes but I don't know why, I think maybe the fear is overwhelming or I want to be with my mum.

It's difficult. The advice is to do something, get a hobby, see people etc but it's just not that simple sometimes.

You're not alone in this.

Take care

The laughing part is so relateable although I can give off a little laugh like a "hehe" I miss being a child or teenager and laughing my ass off!! Like watching something so funny that it would hurt my ribs laughing none stop or even start to tear up can you remember the last time you did that? It has been so long ago seriously adulthood is a joke it´s just constant hardship just to maintain a miserable existence without any reward.

 

[not_a_robot]

Seems pretty relateable what you describe but I really hate how every time anyone says anything negative about life it get labeled with DEPRESSION what I looked up was apathy syndrome which resembles depression in almost every way except a few I actually even miss my depression because the intense sadness could almost feel "good" at times, I don´t know how to describe it I just miss FEELING. And the masturbation addiction I can relate to as a teenager I could sometimes masturbate 2 hours in one session and a lot of times I would just edgy (jerking without cumming) there was so much euphoria in it, now it´s just a chore like a sleeping pill before I can fall asleep I don´t really feel much pleasure at all from it.

You are lucky you can at least cope with drugs I have tried several but I get anxiety from almost all of them which is so unfair! But everyone´s brains chemistry is different yet it´s weird it´s all drugs at least I used to enjoy Cannabis I used to smoke like 100g of hash a day when I was 16 now I just get anxiety the same with every other drug like cocaine, amphetamine, caffeine and alcohol, I also have a throat problem and food allergies so I hate eating it´s just a chore and just to give you an example it takes me 20 minutes to eat a Mc Donalds Cheeseburger.

To me happiness is a thing from my childhood and teenage years was filled with depression but at least I truly LIVED in my teenage years I felt so much excitement in many new experiences and had so much fun being a teenager as I have mentioned in other threads but now there is just nothing I don´t get excited by anything.



Nope I never tried any of them, doctors of course tried to push them on me when I was 16 but I refused.


The laughing part is so relateable although I can give off a little laugh like a "hehe" I miss being a child or teenager and laughing my ass off!! Like watching something so funny that it would hurt my ribs laughing none stop or even start to tear up can you remember the last time you did that? It has been so long ago seriously adulthood is a joke it´s just constant hardship just to maintain a miserable existence without any reward.

That's why everybody gets high...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

That's why everybody gets high...

But I can´t, drugs doesn´t work properly on me.

 

[binturong]

As far as I know this is also a variety of depression, I am not a supporter of drug treatment but in such a severe case antidepressants is a chance, I know cases when a person had to try a lot of type antidepressants before a suitable one was found. There are also non-drug ways, but this is an extreme case as it is risky.
You can try this:
1) Radical change of environment (place of residence, work, daily activities, people). Here two options, the first change on maximally comfortable for you conditions, the second change on extreme conditions. what is more likely to help depends on the root of the problem.
2) Deprivation of sleep or nutrition.
3) Extreme hobby.
4) Find a special person, love or friend (can be effective but requires good luck, and can severely aggravate the condition in case of conflict and separation).

The perfect combination is antidepressants + psychotherapy, but for it to be successful you need to be lucky with your doctor, some changes in the environment could also be useful, but it will be more effective if you have a full understanding of your psychological needs.

There is also an option - psychotherapy itself and hope for luck, but if you have a serious mental disorder it is like a lottery.

Drug have to quit, this is a common cause of problems with the chemical balance, and perhaps they are the cause of your condition now.

Forgive if I banal. I hope you find something that will help you. Good luck.


____________________________________________________________________________________________
Sorry for my English, I can not learn a non-native language, so use the program for translation

 

[not_a_robot]

Zinc Deficiency Is Common in Several Psychiatric Disorders

Background Mounting evidence suggests a link between low zinc levels and depression. There is, however, little knowledge about zinc levels in older persons with other psychiatric diagnoses. Therefore, we explore the zinc status of elderly patients suffering from a wide range of psychiatric...

journals.plos.org

 

[HGL91]

Seems pretty relateable what you describe but I really hate how every time anyone says anything negative about life it get labeled with DEPRESSION what I looked up was apathy syndrome which resembles depression in almost every way except a few I actually even miss my depression because the intense sadness could almost feel "good" at times, I don´t know how to describe it I just miss FEELING. And the masturbation addiction I can relate to as a teenager I could sometimes masturbate 2 hours in one session and a lot of times I would just edgy (jerking without cumming) there was so much euphoria in it, now it´s just a chore like a sleeping pill before I can fall asleep I don´t really feel much pleasure at all from it.

You are lucky you can at least cope with drugs I have tried several but I get anxiety from almost all of them which is so unfair! But everyone´s brains chemistry is different yet it´s weird it´s all drugs at least I used to enjoy Cannabis I used to smoke like 100g of hash a day when I was 16 now I just get anxiety the same with every other drug like cocaine, amphetamine, caffeine and alcohol, I also have a throat problem and food allergies so I hate eating it´s just a chore and just to give you an example it takes me 20 minutes to eat a Mc Donalds Cheeseburger.

To me happiness is a thing from my childhood and teenage years was filled with depression but at least I truly LIVED in my teenage years I felt so much excitement in many new experiences and had so much fun being a teenager as I have mentioned in other threads but now there is just nothing I don´t get excited by anything.



Nope I never tried any of them, doctors of course tried to push them on me when I was 16 but I refused.


The laughing part is so relateable although I can give off a little laugh like a "hehe" I miss being a child or teenager and laughing my ass off!! Like watching something so funny that it would hurt my ribs laughing none stop or even start to tear up can you remember the last time you did that? It has been so long ago seriously adulthood is a joke it´s just constant hardship just to maintain a miserable existence without any reward.

Yeah. I can't remember the last time I authentically laughed. I'm 27 and since I was about 21, I just have mimicked other people laughing when I'm in a group or talking to someone one on one because I don't want to make things awkward.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah. I can't remember the last time I authentically laughed. I'm 27 and since I was about 21, I just have mimicked other people laughing when I'm in a group or talking to someone one on one because I don't want to make things awkward.

That's every conversation I've ever had. Ever.
But not really anhedonic, I just make up jokes in my head while they talk.

 

[HGL91]

That's every conversation I've ever had. Ever.

Sadly, I think more people do it than we probably know! Though, I bet if we admitted to this in real life, some hypocritical people would call us sociopaths lol

 

[Thanatos]

TLDR; I have for 5 years been apathetic and have anhedonia so I don´t feel any emotion not happiness, sadness, not even excitement or pleasure, every day feels like the same over and over year after year I have no freinds, no hobbies, or passions because of the said apathy and anhedonia life is so boring

Anyone else experience this? After my depression went away at 20½ years old I started to become more apathetic and also developed anhedonia I have for the last 5 years not been able to feel any emotions I don´t feel happy, sad, not even excitement, I find no joy or pleasure in doing anything even sexual pleasure such as masturbation feels so boring like the penis has 4000 nerves but it feels as if I only have maybe 50 nerves left and my testosterone levels are normal and can get an erection no problem it´s just I am so apathetic towards the feeling of sexual stimulation.

And the same for everything else, EVERYTHING is boring I don´t even enjoy video games anymore and I have games since I was a child playing PS1, PS2, Nintendo Gameboy Color and PC everything just sucks now. I don´t have depression I used to have that from 14-20½ so I know how that feels and with depression I used to truly FEEL everything so intense especially the sadness now I don´t feel anything.

Also every day is the same I go to bed and wake up the same time every day and eat the same food almost every day because my allergies and throat problem, I can´t cope with drugs because of my allergies and because my brain is weird so drugs don´t work properly I just get anxiety from them, I used to be able to smoke a ton of weed in my teens although because of my pollen allergies it made it even harder for me to eat and when I tried it some months ago I just got anxiety.

Time also go so fast! I made a vlog which felt like only 2 days ago but found out it was 13 days the last year has felt like maybe a couple months at most. Every day is the same I don´t feel any emotions I don´t have any friends the last time I "hung out with a friend" was a year ago and that was when I lived with my brother so I saw some "friends" when they visited him the only people I "hang out with" is my family at birthdays, Christmas or New Years Eve.

Life used to be a wonderful adventure full of so much fun and/or excitement even in my teens where life was horrible because depression but life was still exciting and I had friends and could use some drugs e.g. Cannabis and have a good time.

I really hope at least 1 person feel the same way because no one else will be able to understand many will ignorantly say that I suffer from depression but again I used to have depression and this is nothing like it I actually wish I had depression still because it was an amazing drive to rope because of all the emotions but now I just don´t feel anything it´s like I am an empty shell of the person I once was.

Im sorry you also feel this way but it is nice to see I'm not the only one

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Im sorry you also feel this way but it is nice to see I'm not the only one

It´s horrible right! I thought when I was a teen with depression life couldn´t get any worse but that is where I was wrong life can ALWAYS get worse.

 

[spanishguy22]

Yes. The most severe form of depression. Life is garbage. We're braindead alive. People couldn't even begin to understand.

 

[deflagrat]

It´s horrible right! I thought when I was a teen with depression life couldn´t get any worse but that is where I was wrong life can ALWAYS get worse.

I am a bit late, but yes, everything is pointless now... I get bored doing stuff I used to like (what's the point of having a new PC if I can't enjoy videogames...). This is by far the worst issue I have had in my life, and I have been psychotic with voices tormenting me 24 / 7 for months. People expect you to "want to live" even though it's impossible to motivate yourself.

3 years with anhedonia... at this point I hope for a miracle.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I am a bit late, but yes, everything is pointless now... I get bored doing stuff I used to like (what's the point of having a new PC if I can't enjoy videogames...). This is by far the worst issue I have had in my life, and I have been psychotic with voices tormenting me 24 / 7 for months. People expect you to "want to live" even though it's impossible to motivate yourself.

3 years with anhedonia... at this point I hope for a miracle.

I know what you mean I even miss my depression from when I was a teenager because I could still feel excited about stuff and enjoy many things and of course feel emotions especially sadness now I can´t feel anything and everything that I used to like in the past is now boring. If you haven´t already seen the South Park episodes called "You´re getting old" and "Assburgers" you should give it a shot especially the Assburgers episode, it´s insane how accurate it is to how I feel.

 

[k75]

In my opinion, anhedonia and apathy are the true killers in depression. I suffer from it, and it's pretty extreme.

All the time, people tell me to do hobbies I love, or find new ones if I don't want to do the old ones. What they don't and can't seem to understand is there is literally no joy in anything anymore. I can't fall back on distractions, because it's all gone for me. The things I know the real me loves most are what I care about the least now. I'm told to do them anyway and it'll come back, but it just gets worse.

It's so bad, my sense of taste is pretty much gone. I used to love cooking, now I can't even do that anymore. My favorite foods might as well be weird textured cardboard. It's a huge loss.

Really, the only things I can feel now are things that hurt. I wonder why that is?

I've spent so much time trying to explain how bad it is to my therapist. I can't get the point across. It's not just that I don't get enjoyment out of things or feel like doing them. The bigger problem is that I remember what it was like to enjoy those things... I remember how it always was, so I know the way I feel now is wrong. And I miss them more, which I think makes it worse. And my therapist gives me some psychobabble bullshit about how it's all in my attitude and why do I think my feelings are wrong? It's mindblowingly frustrating. A change of perspective won't help here.

It's killing me. I'm an artist. I like beauty. I live for pleasure. And all that's been stolen from me. My world is grey, tasteless, dull and painful.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I wish that I could feel apathy. My pain feels sharp rather than dull.

@coda I've found by accident that sleep deprivation works wonders for mood. It's not healthy at all, though.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

In my opinion, anhedonia and apathy are the true killers in depression. I suffer from it, and it's pretty extreme.

All the time, people tell me to do hobbies I love, or find new ones if I don't want to do the old ones. What they don't and can't seem to understand is there is literally no joy in anything anymore. I can't fall back on distractions, because it's all gone for me. The things I know the real me loves most are what I care about the least now. I'm told to do them anyway and it'll come back, but it just gets worse.

It's so bad, my sense of taste is pretty much gone. I used to love cooking, now I can't even do that anymore. My favorite foods might as well be weird textured cardboard. It's a huge loss.

Really, the only things I can feel now are things that hurt. I wonder why that is?

I've spent so much time trying to explain how bad it is to my therapist. I can't get the point across. It's not just that I don't get enjoyment out of things or feel like doing them. The bigger problem is that I remember what it was like to enjoy those things... I remember how it always was, so I know the way I feel now is wrong. And I miss them more, which I think makes it worse. And my therapist gives me some psychobabble bullshit about how it's all in my attitude and why do I think my feelings are wrong? It's mindblowingly frustrating. A change of perspective won't help here.

It's killing me. I'm an artist. I like beauty. I live for pleasure. And all that's been stolen from me. My world is grey, tasteless, dull and painful.

Yeah when people say do stuff I used to like they just don´t understand that there is no pleasure in it anymore and especially when people say get new hobbies it´s impossible because there is no drive of motivation to do so I have no motivation or excitement for anything in life even trying new games I will have to give up on because I don´t enjoy it so there is no motivation to keep playing. It´s like a lab rat that keeps coming back for the water bottle lazed with heroin, why does it keep coming back? Because there is excitement and pleasure when doing so why would I keep playing a game when I don´t have any excitement or pleasure/fun when playing it? I simply won´t.

I pretty much can´t even feel nostalgia anymore because nostalgia is a mix of happiness and sadness and I can´t feel these emotions anymore. I used to feel so much nostalgia especially out on those cool sunny days in the fall it would bring up so many memories the nostalgia was overwhelming now I don´t feel anything I now I should like there is a small spark that reminds me that on these days I used to feel so much nostalgia also when looking at pictures from childhood I guess I still experience nostalgia but in a different way an apathetic way where I miss what was but the bittersweet almost rush feeling of that nostalgia of happiness and sadness combined simply isn´t there anymore I don´t know if this makes any sense to you at all it´s a bit hard to explain.

 

[k75]

@TheGoodGuy that makes total sense to me. I feel it, too. Or rather, don't feel it.

There are all these things happening right now that I should be super excited about, but I can't even pretend at the moment. Like, a few games are finally coming out that I've waited for years for, and I just don't care anymore. And I doubt I ever will again. I'll probably die without ever touching them. I can't even wrap my head around it.

That probably sounds really stupid, but games have always been a huge part of my life. And I know how much I'd be anticipating them if it weren't for this nightmare, and it makes me so sad. I just want myself back.

I wish the depression would at least have the decency to rob me of sadness too...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

@TheGoodGuy that makes total sense to me. I feel it, too. Or rather, don't feel it.

There are all these things happening right now that I should be super excited about, but I can't even pretend at the moment. Like, a few games are finally coming out that I've waited for years for, and I just don't care anymore. And I doubt I ever will again. I'll probably die without ever touching them. I can't even wrap my head around it.

That probably sounds really stupid, but games have always been a huge part of my life. And I know how much I'd be anticipating them if it weren't for this nightmare, and it makes me so sad. I just want myself back.

I wish the depression would at least have the decency to rob me of sadness too...

No I get the passion for gaming I have been playing video games all my life both on Playstation 1, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color, and of course PC so it´s so tragic that I don´t enjoy playing video games anymore there is no excitement or passion at all it´s just boring as with everything else and to me that is really tragic since I have so many amazing memories connected to gaming my favorite being playing Pokemon Silver for Gameboy Color it was the best video game I ever played and I remember how happy I was playing that game with my brothers and friends.

 

[k75]

No I get the passion for gaming I have been playing video games all my life both on Playstation 1, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color, and of course PC so it´s so tragic that I don´t enjoy playing video games anymore there is no excitement or passion at all it´s just boring as with everything else and to me that is really tragic since I have so many amazing memories connected to gaming my favorite being playing Pokemon Silver for Gameboy Color it was the best video game I ever played and I remember how happy I was playing that game with my brothers and friends.

I so totally know how that makes you feel. I seriously grew up with all the games, from NES onward. I've always had a soft spot for Pokemon Silver, because that was the beginning of my addiction to that franchise. I've played them all, caught them all... Don't give a crap about Sword and Shield, and I should. And we're finally getting the FF7 remake, which I've wished for for ages. And another game I've been waiting 7 years for the chance to play and we're finally actually getting it here, and... nothing. I can't even get a tiny bit excited anymore. It's like I never liked that stuff to begin with. :(

Tragic is the best way to describe how it feels to me.

 

[Life sucks]

I have anhedonia and it was static previously but now comes and goes very randomly. Actually for me, its painful itself and not a painless thing, to the degree I want to ctb when it happens.
Sometimes I enjoy something then suddenly brain turn-off while doing it, and I think you can understand how extremely shitty is this. Fuck life and biochemistry

I know how hard the feeling is, its not impossible to get the brain reward system work (randomly or inconsistently) but its still extremely hard to do. I had some success overcoming it at sometimes but sometimes it gets stubborn.

Some factors like heat (brain overheating or being in extremely hot weather) can increase anhedonia. There are many factors from my observations that I can't list now.


There is also a long story of how I overcame the static anhedonia and turned it into a random one. It is extremely brutal battle that nobody knows about.


From my experience, there is no 100% way to get rid of it (maybe meds which I didn't take at all). The ways has inconsistent results but I think its better than nothing.

If you want a way to improve, releasing endorphins by exercises and going to gym can work, doing it constantly for long periods might give better results. Tbh I did it solely for enjoying some anime or playing some games. It was a crazy process, go do exercises then watch or do something asap before the chemicals go away. Endorphins aren't everything but I guess its still better than nothing and can make one better against the hell of anhedonic state.

 

[spanishguy22]

@TheGoodGuy @k75 After seeing this thread I really wanted to come back.

Guys, really anhedonia is the only reason I am killing myself. Not depression. Just as you goodguy, I am not depressed in the sense of intense sadness or wanting to cry. I just gradually started to feels less and less pleasure or enjoyment with the years. First years it was less noticeable. In restrospect though I can see how, ever since the bad shit in school in my past started, a year later I wasnt anymore excited and having tons of fun with games which were sadly my only passion and pass time.
But games were awesome and gladly I would have lived with just that passion. Skyrim was the last game I was excited about. I cant even remember the rush of happiness i felt though, when first buying the game seeing it on the shelf.
I played it 200 hours and then I couldnt find the Joy anymore. I was 14 then. It was the last year i felt anything like that.
I like to call it the childhood feeling.

Anhedonia took it all away from me.
Im 22. From 12 to 14 I gradually enjoyed less the games but I still enjoyed it a lot.
15 years old not knowing yet depression was even a thing I though that games were staring to be point less and I though why do I play some pixels if it all just fake (basically I fell in the trap of depression, i tried to rationalize my much lesser enjoyment by thinking its because its just pixels, same for sex and porn a bit later, I saw it as just mammals doing an act instead of the explosión of chemicals in the brain I had when watching it at 12 for example)

Now with every year a big chunk of Joy just left and after 18 everything just was a chore to do.
Mental break down at 19 and here I am at 22.
5 years of pure boredom torture that most people are Lucky to never experience. I Wonder why it had to be me.
My grandma was the same and my uncle ctb at my age I Wonder if he had this.
Im just jealous and in rage of others being able to enjoy things fine, even los of people here enjoy a lot of things.
I just stare at the bed and force myself to watch twitch or recently started porn again even if my enjoyment isnt no where near how it was just to fill one hour more a Day and it helps but its all so fuckin cruel and painful that its what makes me depressed and sad and angry about my unlucky past and genes.

My suicide is becausw of anhedonia. Not being sad. Most people wont ever realise the torture of not finding JOY in anything. Or the pain of seeing everything you enjoyed once go away forever until you decide to put a shotgun to your chest or drink a poison.
As all stupid depression Treatments nowadays do fuckall for Anhedonia AND just make you numb which I already am without meds. I have no hope left really after knowing the misery of life my grandmather had (stuffed to the core with ssris, she was so dead inside she once had to be intervened because she couldnt even have the energy to go the bathroom to defecate for weeks at a time) and my uncle who Also ctb.

If you guys find something in the meantime it would be nice to share. We are few and should help eachother.
Im trying ketamine right now and mushrooms but its just to make everything more tolerable til I decide how to ctb.

Pd: excuse the typo my spanish keyboard keeps correcting words. I need to change setting

 

[k75]

I got this crazy idea a few months ago that I could maybe reset my brain somehow if I kind of started over and retraced my steps to liking some of what I've lost. (I don't know if this will make any sense at all to anyone who isn't me.)

I thought maybe if I started replaying old games from my childhood, and watching movies and anime and read books from back then that sparked my love of those things, I could learn to enjoy them all over again. I was going to progress through the years of things that were my favorites until I was caught up to now. I thought maybe it would rekindle something. Maybe I'll never know, because my ability to focus is shit and I couldn't stick with it. But it seemed like a way out.

 

[spanishguy22]

No I get the passion for gaming I have been playing video games all my life both on Playstation 1, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color, and of course PC so it´s so tragic that I don´t enjoy playing video games anymore there is no excitement or passion at all it´s just boring as with everything else and to me that is really tragic since I have so many amazing memories connected to gaming my favorite being playing Pokemon Silver for Gameboy Color it was the best video game I ever played and I remember how happy I was playing that game with my brothers and friends.

My first game ever was Pokemon Gold at 6,and the pure happiness I felt when playing it either alone or with a friend was PARADISE.
So fuckin awful what we experience now.

I so totally know how that makes you feel. I seriously grew up with all the games, from NES onward. I've always had a soft spot for Pokemon Silver, because that was the beginning of my addiction to that franchise. I've played them all, caught them all... Don't give a crap about Sword and Shield, and I should. And we're finally getting the FF7 remake, which I've wished for for ages. And another game I've been waiting 7 years for the chance to play and we're finally actually getting it here, and... nothing. I can't even get a tiny bit excited anymore. It's like I never liked that stuff to begin with. :(

Tragic is the best way to describe how it feels to me.

Yeah for me that would be at 14 buying a pokemon game for the last time. I dont even remember the name I just played two hours and felt so empty. Black or something like that.

Now i just play pokemon show down competitive sometimes just for a miserable amount of dopamine not even Joy haha.

Its cruel and tragic Yes. Too Real.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Same. I don't get any enjoyment from anything in life. It's just something that I'm forced to get through. Getting through each passing day is like peeling off another bandaid. I'm never grateful that somthing happend but am rather grateful that it's now over with even the 'happy moments.'

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I so totally know how that makes you feel. I seriously grew up with all the games, from NES onward. I've always had a soft spot for Pokemon Silver, because that was the beginning of my addiction to that franchise. I've played them all, caught them all... Don't give a crap about Sword and Shield, and I should. And we're finally getting the FF7 remake, which I've wished for for ages. And another game I've been waiting 7 years for the chance to play and we're finally actually getting it here, and... nothing. I can't even get a tiny bit excited anymore. It's like I never liked that stuff to begin with. :(

Tragic is the best way to describe how it feels to me.

Pokemon Silver was the first Pokemon game I owned it was the best game ever it was a whole world to get totally immersed in and Pokemon Ruby was a close second I still remember being overwhelmed how good the graphics were in Pokemon Ruby it looked and still looks amazing and the soundtracks of Silver and Ruby were just amazing it hits me right in the childhood.

Spoiler: Pokemon Silver New Bark Town

Spoiler: Pokemon Ruby Littleroot Town

Remember jumping off the truck in Pokemon Ruby hearing that amazing music and seeing how amazing it looked sigh.. I miss my childhood so much.

And for you I really feel for you if you have waited for so long for a new game only for the joy and excitement to be replaced with apathy. But I can relate to this because ever since I was a child I wanted a Glock 17 9mm, for a long time I thought I only wanted one since my teens but I recently read through my schoolbooks for like 2. Grade and saw in a question about stuff we wanted to own I wrote down a Glock 17, anyways then at like 23 years old I finally got my Glock 17 9mm (legally through membership of a gunclub) and as I stood in the store examining it I just thought to myself here I am finally owning the pistol I have wanted for so many years and I feel nothing at all.

Back when I was 12 years old and got my first airsoft gun a Sig Sauer P226 cheap springloaded airsoft gun I was so exstatic the childish feeling of so much happiness like butterflies in my stomach and a smile all over myself and couldn´t stand still because of pure excitement and that was over an airsoft gun and standing there as an adult with a real gun it was the final evidence that I have lost everything I am and I am just a shell of the person I once was. I forgot to mention firearms has always been my number one hobby so to see myself being so apathetic towards my biggest passion was so tragic, anyways I just shared this so you can see I indeed know how horrible it is to realize you have become apathetic towards your your passion.

I have anhedonia and it was static previously but now comes and goes very randomly. Actually for me, its painful itself and not a painless thing, to the degree I want to ctb when it happens.
Sometimes I enjoy something then suddenly brain turn-off while doing it, and I think you can understand how extremely shitty is this. Fuck life and biochemistry

I know how hard the feeling is, its not impossible to get the brain reward system work (randomly or inconsistently) but its still extremely hard to do. I had some success overcoming it at sometimes but sometimes it gets stubborn.

Some factors like heat (brain overheating or being in extremely hot weather) can increase anhedonia. There are many factors from my observations that I can't list now.


There is also a long story of how I overcame the static anhedonia and turned it into a random one. It is extremely brutal battle that nobody knows about.


From my experience, there is no 100% way to get rid of it (maybe meds which I didn't take at all). The ways has inconsistent results but I think its better than nothing.

If you want a way to improve, releasing endorphins by exercises and going to gym can work, doing it constantly for long periods might give better results. Tbh I did it solely for enjoying some anime or playing some games. It was a crazy process, go do exercises then watch or do something asap before the chemicals go away. Endorphins aren't everything but I guess its still better than nothing and can make one better against the hell of anhedonic state.

I would love to know if you have any ideas to how I could get rid of apathy or maybe just be able to feel a little although it sounds horrible if you do something you really love for the joy just to turned off while doing it like you are getting teased with what once was.

And I can´t workout since I have a back injury so I can´t even run for more than 15 minutes without my back hurting and it can´t be fixed I also have a throat problem so it´s impossible for me to consume enough calories in a day my throat problem is also my main reason for wanting to ctb. But I really miss bodybuilding it was such a big passion of mine.

 

[eve2004]

But I can´t, drugs doesn´t work properly on me.

You don't have the right ones...