Lintaga
Member
- Jun 25, 2020
- 14
(for context: im vegetarian, animals are very important in my life. i have a life goal of going fully vegan when im not a total absolute mess in the head. if i ever get to the point of not wanting to literaly ctbbbbbbb every day, ya know?)
When i think about ctb as in i have a plan, i have the means to execute the plan, i have nothing else i care about... then i look over at my dog, whom ive had for over 6 years since he was a wee little thing. and he is so gentle and sweet and kind and lets me kiss all over his face when i want to love on him. im his person. so taking that away from him literally makes me cry. no one knows how to love on him like i do. in fact, when people pet him- i want to correct them and teach them how to pet him so they'll both enjoy the experience. But quincy loves all the attention he can get. I would never want to hurt my dog. especially in the way that he'll be thinking i might walk through the door any moment, but i won't if i ctb. hes a very healthy back lab chow mutt type of breed and i can see him living into very old age. which puts me in the most emotional dilemma of my life. do i take my apathy that far and leave him to my lovely family to take care of him? or do i finish the promise i made him when i picked him up on the side of the road almost 7 years ago? (not long after a suicide attempt might i add) im 27. i have been in mental hell for over 15 years now. i have tried treatments and hospitalizations, meds and therapy. im not worth it anymore. to myself, to my family, expecially when im like this. i HATE feeling stuck.
When i think about ctb as in i have a plan, i have the means to execute the plan, i have nothing else i care about... then i look over at my dog, whom ive had for over 6 years since he was a wee little thing. and he is so gentle and sweet and kind and lets me kiss all over his face when i want to love on him. im his person. so taking that away from him literally makes me cry. no one knows how to love on him like i do. in fact, when people pet him- i want to correct them and teach them how to pet him so they'll both enjoy the experience. But quincy loves all the attention he can get. I would never want to hurt my dog. especially in the way that he'll be thinking i might walk through the door any moment, but i won't if i ctb. hes a very healthy back lab chow mutt type of breed and i can see him living into very old age. which puts me in the most emotional dilemma of my life. do i take my apathy that far and leave him to my lovely family to take care of him? or do i finish the promise i made him when i picked him up on the side of the road almost 7 years ago? (not long after a suicide attempt might i add) im 27. i have been in mental hell for over 15 years now. i have tried treatments and hospitalizations, meds and therapy. im not worth it anymore. to myself, to my family, expecially when im like this. i HATE feeling stuck.