Anyone just waiting for christmas?

[Wannabehappy]

so. sorry but I will write through a translator, I'm good with English but I have absolutely no fucking strength to arrange it somehow neatly. The time has come when I know that I, as me, this person - do not want to imagine myself entering the year 2023. I would like this page, this thread to serve as a kind of diary, a fucking farewell letter until Christmas. Why to them? I'll get to that in a moment. Life has been fucking with me forever, I remember that I had my first suicidal thoughts many years ago, still as a small child who did not know what kind of crap life would prepare for him. This year I just want to let go, I don't want to complain about how hard I had in my life, how fucked up my relationship with my mother was after my father's death, how really I was left alone because I'm an adult who fell ill with fucking depression and other shit, destroying along with all the relatives. In this world I will leave a son whom I have not known, and I will not be able to know him. I would not be a good father. Like my parents, I couldn't love this man. I was afraid and today I know that my departure from my woman, from this child, was the best I could give them. It's been over 3 years since then, I tried new relationships, I fucked them up completely. And today it's been over a month. a month in which I understood that my every behavior, how terrible a person I am, how much I can't handle anything, was the reason for my failures. I'm someone who never wanted this life, who didn't even deserve it. I feel that this body is a prison for this soul, though I don't believe in anything. ordered SN, delivery by December 15th. If anyone wants to read this thread, sometimes ask me something - I will be grateful. This is the only place where I have, perhaps a false impression, that there will be at least one person here who will accompany me in these last, long days. Christmas is the moment that crushes me the most every year, the moment when I see neighbors who invite the whole family, I cover the windows and unscrew another bottle. I need that last impulse, that bitterness of motherfucking life, that last spark of confirmation that what I'm going to do is right.

 

[jodes2]

It sounds like you haven't had a good support network? It could really help please don't CTB just because if Xmas, it's so temporary

 

[Wannabehappy]

It sounds like you haven't had a good support network? It could really help please don't CTB just because if Xmas, it's so temporary

No, it's not just because of that. I spent many Christmases alone, I know that for many it is a very depressing time and it is something natural. For me, it's just a symbolic date, a small impulse to act. While others celebrate time with loved ones, I will celebrate my greatest success in life. I want to cut it all off. The only thing that keeps me going the next day is the thought that it's about to end. And if anything makes me happy, it's this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never reaching 2023 does sound ideal to me, but unfortunately I will very likely still be here. I find it so horrific to think about the possibility of a new year. I understand why you would feel so relieved at knowing that all this is coming to end, as feeling trapped here really can be so awful and tiring. At least for me, death is the only real relief from the burden that is existence, because as long as we continue to exist life can torture us in an unlimited amount of ways. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Cantbereal]

I want to before xmas only bc my pain is worsening each day. I'd like it not to be too neat xmas though so my girls don't associate it with me. I wish ctb was easier. I'd go tonight. Bless you.

 

[p24601]

I have no intention of being around for Christmas, if all goes to plan I will be gone from this celestial plane before next weekend

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I'm trying to hold out until the end of the year, but it's getting harder and harder each day. My life is stagnant, my dysphoria consuming. I just want out.

 

[Adamsnolife]

I'm trying to hold out until the end of the year, but it's getting harder and harder each day. My life is stagnant, my dysphoria consuming. I just want out.

Likewise holding out until new year..

I'm trying to hold out until the end of the year, but it's getting harder and harder each day. My life is stagnant, my dysphoria consuming. I just want out.

I know it won't happen but my aim would be new year at 01/01/23 at 00:00.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I hate this time of year. I can feel my anxiety slowly increasing as we approach Christmas. I hate it.

 

[princess-oph]

Any day before 2023 begins

 

[Wannabehappy]

SN has finally arrived. Three days after ordering. I feel a little uneasy, although I thought holding the solution in my hands would bring peace. I'll do a blood test in two hours.

 

[jessisme]

SN has finally arrived. Three days after ordering. I feel a little uneasy, although I thought holding the solution in my hands would bring peace. I'll do a blood test in two hours.View attachment 102112

Does the packaging indicate purity?

 

[Wannabehappy]

Does the packaging indicate purity?

Yes, 98.5%