Venting Anyone here under 30 and have no friends? (honestly)

[katara]

I thought I'd make this thread because so many people on this site are much older and they've talked down to me in the past and I'm tired of it.

It's bad enough being told "It gets better" by idiots on Reddit, I don't really enjoy coming on here thinking I can open up and then realize it was all a waste of time because I was talking to some boomer who didn't start feeling "suicidal" until like 50.
These people just don't understand what it's like to never have had a chance at happiness or a good life. I never had a chance to get married and have kids or a happy family before ending up this way. Because of my situation I'll probably never get married because 1. I've never dated so I have no experience. and 2. I have no hobbies or friends. I don't need people lying and saying that it's fine that I have zero experience. It's not fine and people ARE judgmental about it. In fact I saw something recently about that Andrew Tate guy teaching men how to target virgins & lie to them and break their hearts and then leave them. I don't want to be treated as a piece of meat by strangers.
I heard from many people already that "women have it easy on Tinder" so I made an account and I didn't have "thousands of simps rushing to my feet and offering to buy me stuff". I only received a few messages from men being rude or instantly asking me for snapchat.
And when I get responses like that it just makes me realize that I'm right, it won't get better. If I had killed myself when I was 12 I wouldn't have to be dealing with any of this. I already feel bad enough for being behind in life, having men talk to me like I'm some kind of free prostitute doesn't boost my self esteem or ego so idk why so many of you guys act like all women have a great experience on dating apps because thats NOT THE TRUTH.

I've had so many days where wanting a boyfriend and sex/intimacy consumes my thoughts daily, but I know it's impossible for me. I think about cuddling when it's late at night and I'm laying in bed I just want to feel normal and I want to wake up the next day and be excited to hang out with someone.
But all I do is lie to myself, then I post online and get more lies told to me. At this point I'd honestly settle for a friend who'd be down to cuddle. I know the relationship stuff is probably never going to happen, but I still think about it even though I'll never have it. I've accepted some of this stuff, but the rest is really hard to come to terms with.

I know it's a long shot but I was wondering if anyone here can relate to me. I'd like to talk with someone who has experienced how frustrating this is, because I think most people don't understand, and that's why i've had bad luck with talking to people. The last online friend I had (who claimed to feel suicidal also) left my life after she got a boyfriend. I could really use a friend who understands how this kind of stuff feels because I am frustrated with my past so I only want a friend who understands this stuff too or has experienced extreme hurt/letdown.

 

[cloperti3345]

I'm in the same boat.

 

[Rocinante]

Yes

It's bad enough being told "It gets better" by idiots on Reddit, I don't really enjoy coming on here thinking I can open up and then realize it was all a waste of time because I was talking to some boomer who didn't start feeling "suicidal" until like 50.
These people just don't understand what it's like to never have had a chance at happiness or a good life. I never had a chance to get married and have kids or a happy family before ending up this way. Because of my situation I'll probably never get married because 1. I've never dated so I have no experience. and 2. I have no hobbies or friends. I don't need people lying and saying that it's fine that I have zero experience. It's not fine and people ARE judgmental about it. In fact I saw something recently about that Andrew Tate guy teaching men how to target virgins & lie to them and break their hearts and then leave them. I don't want to be treated as a piece of meat by strangers.

Getting gaslit is brutal. The same people that will tell you relationship and the sort aren't important are in them themselves. Let's see them got two and a half decades without it. I wager they wilt a month in. They can't place themselves in our shoes. It's I why I tend to avoid such communities.

I heard from many people already that "women have it easy on Tinder" so I made an account and I didn't have "thousands of simps rushing to my feet and offering to buy me stuff". I only received a few messages from men being rude or instantly asking me for snapchat.
And when I get responses like that it just makes me realize that I'm right, it won't get better. If I had killed myself when I was 12 I wouldn't have to be dealing with any of this. I already feel bad enough for being behind in life, having men talk to me like I'm some kind of free prostitute doesn't boost my self esteem or ego so idk why so many of you guys act like all women have a great experience on dating apps because thats NOT THE TRUTH.

I've had so many days where wanting a boyfriend and sex/intimacy consumes my thoughts daily, but I know it's impossible for me. I think about cuddling when it's late at night and I'm laying in bed I just want to feel normal and I want to wake up the next day and be excited to hang out with someone.
But all I do is lie to myself, then I post online and get more lies told to me. At this point I'd honestly settle for a friend who'd be down to cuddle. I know the relationship stuff is probably never going to happen, but I still think about it even though I'll never have it. I've accepted some of this stuff, but the rest is really hard to come to terms with.

Even if it does happen you'll never be able to cope after realizing all you've missed out on. I've heard it all too much. Brutal reality we live in. Not everyone gets to shares the same experience as others. Some are just born that privileged. I hate those types the most. Telling me how or what I can do to improve. Unsure if it's their arrogance or ignorance. They like patronizing those below them. When you're born that way you can't be anything but.

I know it's a long shot but I was wondering if anyone here can relate to me. I'd like to talk with someone who has experienced how frustrating this is, because I think most people don't understand, and that's why i've had bad luck with talking to people. The last online friend I had (who claimed to feel suicidal also) left my life after she got a boyfriend. I could really use a friend who understands how this kind of stuff feels because I am frustrated with my past so I only want a friend who understands this stuff too or has experienced extreme hurt/letdown.

Can relate, it was most responsible for my latest mental breakdown. I have come to terms with the fact I will die alone, having never had friends or "love" jfl. It's over. I gave up on love and happiness a long time ago.
My primary focus has been changed toward my career, future, and hobbies. Since it's something I can cope with. I would actually do anything for gf, that's why I must take steps toward "self improvement" and get more interesting hobbies.

Dear god I hate my life.

 

[BurningMan]

I'm gay and dating is super hard. Finding that emotional connection towards a stranger is hard… I can't seem to even find it with friends anymore. Tinder tends to be a pit where it's a just an app for a small ego boost at the end of the day.

It foes feel somewhat hopeless finding a partner. I'm definitely in the same boat. Wanting to find love yet I can't even love myself so it seems like an impossible task at hand :(

 

[aforestfire]

this thing that women's have it easy is bullshit. there's so much thing to take consideration of and these types of comments clearly comes from people that don't understand what they're talking about.
i'm afab (assigned female at birth) and i presented myself only as a girl until i was 15, no one ever expressed interest for me, when they did, it was as mockery, so i get what you're saying. thoughts of having a partner is the thing that i more think about besides suicide, when i'm not daydreaming about how is the feeling of dying, i'm thinking about how being held and understood would be nice. anyways, now i don't think anyone can actually like me, i think it will be always like that for me; seeing others forming connections that i am incapable of.

i hope you can find love at some point, none of us deserve such a solitary existence.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry- I'm out of your age bracket- I'm 42 but I can relate to what you are saying.

I desperately wanted love for a long time. I'm kind of messed up though and I'm sure all the crushes I had on people were limerance (crazy obsessive crushes.) I've always been single- so I'm really the last person to give advice!

That said- I do admire that you are at least trying- or- have tried to find someone. I think that's (obviously) important. So many of us complain about not having a partner or a good job when we haven't put in the effort to find one! Still- I would question your choice of site- isn't Tinder more for hook-ups/casual relationships? (Sex.) Maybe I'm just past it- that was always the impression I got...

I did briefly make an account on Eharmony- they seemed more about matching people rather than getting people laid. Honestly though- I know I'm not cut out for all that. I do actually feel pretty comfortable being single now although I do sympathise with how much you want this.

I think you've got the right idea- friendship focussed rather than some casual fling. Still, it's knowing where to find that I guess. It's a cliche but meeting people through shared interests always made sense to me- an evening class, course or hobby- walking or sports or music.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for though. Sorry if it wasn't. I suspect you've heard all those suggestions before. Still- if it's empathy you wanted- you do have it. It's very tough out there, it seems very easy to be taken advantage of and get your heart broken. I do feel for you. Honestly, it ended up feeling too risky for me and I put my attention on other things. Still- I wish you all the very best of luck. I hope you do find someone. ❤

 

[peacetime]

Getting sex as a woman is easy, but it requires the woman to go along with the people you said are rude, etc. Getting a boyfriend and something meaningful is difficult. I still think women have it easier, you really just have to be in an environment where you naturally interact with people and at some point you will find some dude who is not an Andrew Tate wannabe but has further interests than just sex.

I'm a 27-year-old guy who's most likely going to be dead in around 2 weeks or 2 months, once my SN arrives and I confirm it's what I want to do. But I would be bullshitting if I said it's a done deal since SI is a real thing.

Don't have anything constructive to say other than to tell you better guys do exist out there and I firmly believe an average looking, non-obese young woman has great chances of meeting potential long-term partners.

 

[Szinuus]

I have just one, loyal friend, that I know since middle school. Our friendship last 9 years.

 

[katara]

@Prog Hey thanks for the response. I totally agree with what you are saying here. I've seen it time and time again that the same people who will tell me a relationship isn't that important have been in multiple relationships themselves or have even been married. They think just because relationships are meaningless to them that it's the same with me

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any friends and have never been in love. I get so insanely jealous of people who have experienced love. I think I've felt love for people before, I've just never experienced being IN LOVE with someone. I truly hope things get better for you. I'm glad you are at least focusing on your career and other things. But why do you say to get a gf you have to get "more interesting hobbies?". I'm curious to know why your current hobbies aren't interesting enough to others. There's a fandom for basically everything these days, so try not to lose hope. Trying different hobbies is probably a smart idea though, you could always discover something new, maybe even something lifechanging.
Btw I'm open to being friends with you, even if it's only online. I know it's not the same as irl but sense we are both on this forum I'm sure we can relate on a few things. Let me know if you are interested

I'm gay and dating is super hard. Finding that emotional connection towards a stranger is hard… I can't seem to even find it with friends anymore. Tinder tends to be a pit where it's a just an app for a small ego boost at the end of the day.

It foes feel somewhat hopeless finding a partner. I'm definitely in the same boat. Wanting to find love yet I can't even love myself so it seems like an impossible task at hand :(

Yeah I hear you, I feel like most guys on Tinder just want to hookup, there should be a setting where you can turn that either on or off so those people can get what they want and leave the rest of us alone. But even then i know a lot of them would still try to mess with us anyways. I really hope you find someone! I don't love myself either, tbh I don't even know if I like myself sometimes. I'd be fine with just one person because anything is better then being alone, it just feel so unnatural to live like this :(

 

[Rocinante]

@Prog Hey thanks for the response. I totally agree with what you are saying here. I've seen it time and time again that the same people who will tell me a relationship isn't that important have been in multiple relationships themselves or have even been married. They think just because relationships are meaningless to them that it's the same with me

It's why I tend to not discuss things with people that can relate. Even worse is that it's showcased every where in media. From books, to movies, video games, to adverts etc… and yet they'll say it isn't important to have.
Its like eating in front of starving child. "sure food may be a necessity, but you should be content with what you have". Or something along those lines, sorry for the terrible analogy. But it's essentially what they tell us.

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any friends and have never been in love. I get so insanely jealous of people who have experienced love. I think I've felt love for people before, I've just never experienced being IN LOVE with someone.

Same, it's over.

I truly hope things get better for you. I'm glad you are at least focusing on your career and other things.

Thanks. Better future is the only thing I have to look forward to. Starting where I'm at now, rock bottom, I can only go up

But why do you say to get a gf you have to get "more interesting hobbies?". I'm curious to know why your current hobbies aren't interesting enough to others.

Mainly finding hobbies where I can interact with others. But I don't really find anything that interests me outside of the hobbies I already have. Sharing interests can be good to find a group and interact with others. Idk how people socialize
Playing music/guitar and gym where I live are occupied by other men. And even among the guys I played music with, it was hard to associate due to different tastes or age differences.

There's a fandom for basically everything these days, so try not to lose hope. Trying different hobbies is probably a smart idea though, you could always discover something new, maybe even something lifechanging.

I have made a few online friends this way, but they seem to not keep up with communication after awhile. I think it's partly on my end due to not being very interesting.

Btw I'm open to being friends with you, even if it's only online. I know it's not the same as irl but sense we are both on this forum I'm sure we can relate on a few things. Let me know if you are interested

Of course I'd be interested

 

[Unending]

If I was to be completely realistic, there are a few people out there who would say that I was their friend if someone asked them but I haven't seen some of these people in a year or years so I kind of just say that I have no friends.

I don't leave the house or speak to anyone other than my parents. I literally am utterly alone and have gotten to the point where I consider isolation the lesser of two evils.

I went through a long time where I desperately craved love and companionship and felt crushed to be alone, so thinking back to that perspective, I think I can definitely understand some of your points.

I know its a heavy feeling.

 

[Dust]

I thought I'd make this thread because so many people on this site are much older and they've talked down to me in the past and I'm tired of it.

It's bad enough being told "It gets better" by idiots on Reddit, I don't really enjoy coming on here thinking I can open up and then realize it was all a waste of time because I was talking to some boomer who didn't start feeling "suicidal" until like 50.
These people just don't understand what it's like to never have had a chance at happiness or a good life. I never had a chance to get married and have kids or a happy family before ending up this way. Because of my situation I'll probably never get married because 1. I've never dated so I have no experience. and 2. I have no hobbies or friends. I don't need people lying and saying that it's fine that I have zero experience. It's not fine and people ARE judgmental about it. In fact I saw something recently about that Andrew Tate guy teaching men how to target virgins & lie to them and break their hearts and then leave them. I don't want to be treated as a piece of meat by strangers.
I heard from many people already that "women have it easy on Tinder" so I made an account and I didn't have "thousands of simps rushing to my feet and offering to buy me stuff". I only received a few messages from men being rude or instantly asking me for snapchat.
And when I get responses like that it just makes me realize that I'm right, it won't get better. If I had killed myself when I was 12 I wouldn't have to be dealing with any of this. I already feel bad enough for being behind in life, having men talk to me like I'm some kind of free prostitute doesn't boost my self esteem or ego so idk why so many of you guys act like all women have a great experience on dating apps because thats NOT THE TRUTH.

I've had so many days where wanting a boyfriend and sex/intimacy consumes my thoughts daily, but I know it's impossible for me. I think about cuddling when it's late at night and I'm laying in bed I just want to feel normal and I want to wake up the next day and be excited to hang out with someone.
But all I do is lie to myself, then I post online and get more lies told to me. At this point I'd honestly settle for a friend who'd be down to cuddle. I know the relationship stuff is probably never going to happen, but I still think about it even though I'll never have it. I've accepted some of this stuff, but the rest is really hard to come to terms with.

I know it's a long shot but I was wondering if anyone here can relate to me. I'd like to talk with someone who has experienced how frustrating this is, because I think most people don't understand, and that's why i've had bad luck with talking to people. The last online friend I had (who claimed to feel suicidal also) left my life after she got a boyfriend. I could really use a friend who understands how this kind of stuff feels because I am frustrated with my past so I only want a friend who understands this stuff too or has experienced extreme hurt/letdown.

I am 21, and have been depressed/suicidal for about 4 years (I've made posts on here during partiularly bad times throughout the years), I would really enjoy being able to be friends with someone. I also share your same feelings about wanting initmacy, it's not just about the sex I just want someone I can be emotionally close to and cuddle with. I'm open to becoming friends with anyone

 

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm over 40 and have no friends.

I used to have friends in my past (throughout most of my life) but the operative words are "used to".

I got older, and after graduating college, my group of friends shrank. I then pushed people away or ended the relationships myself. I got married and my circle got even smaller. After my marriage was over, I was only friends with people I worked with and, well, I just never considered anyone of great significance to be my friend.

I think there are a lot of people in the world who feel like you do, no matter what age. There are lonely people who want to be lonely and people who don't want to be lonely but are.

People come into your life and maybe they only stay for a short while. Maybe they end up staying for your whole life. You've had friends in the past, I'm sure, so don't measure today against your whole life from the past and going forward. There are as many lone wolves out there as wolves in a pack, just remember that.

 

[katara]

@HarmedVessel Ya I can understand where you are coming from about isolation. Everyone online says it's bad but they just don't get it. They don't understand our circumstances.
I think for me personally, I dealt with desperation for basically my entire life. Even when I was a kid (2nd grade) and started dealing with bullying I would just walk away from these people. I thought maybe things would be better in the future. I remember feeling crushed even at that young age. I felt misunderstood by my peers, and by adults too. I was the nicest person but I was shy so that made me an easy target. Now after trying and failing so many times I feel like this is just the way it is. I don't WANT to be alone, I don't think anyone truly does. It's just that after so many lousy experiences you give up and being alone doesn't feel as scary anymore. I think it can definitely be worse for your mental health, and I've felt that.

Do you have any online friends? I tried making some friends on here but they stop replying eventually and then deactivate their accounts. This already happened twice, and both people left to make improvements on themselves. I want to feel happy for them, it just feels like I'm a less then a side character in everyone's life. Nobody ever seems to want me around, and that hurts.

 

[foreverfalling]

Just over 30 and have no friends. Similar experience to you, feeling left out since a young child and being too nice. My 20s were spent feeling depressed and trying in my own ways to find other people, a perhaps fictional loving partner, a best friend, someone to just talk to and relate in some way. I'm still afraid of being alone, but at this stage it's quite evident it's probably not going to change. So now it's just trying to optimise my life around being alone, and hoping I can CTB if it gets too hard.

 

[nothappy2behere]

hey! i'm a youngin (ish) here, female 25.
i'm in a relationship now but it hasn't been an easy road to get here. I definitely got lucky. but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. it takes time and some people don't find that other person until they're way older.
tinder is absolute trash, and social media makes every guy out to be some shitty, brain less sex robot and I promise good guys still exist. they're more rare but they're out there I promise I swear these pos sexist men go viral just to make girls more insecure and cause us more mental turmoil towards men but you're smart and don't fall for it. social media is a platform for stupid people and stupid trends. you're better than half the garbage that goes viral ! I struggle a lot with 0 friends and having a hard time with hobbies. I go back and forth between "I should work on self improvement to make life more bearable" and "I plan to ctb so what does it matter anyways." I would love to be your friend and talk more, I hope you know i'm here and we have a lot in common. life is hard af but it's a lil easier when you have someone to talk to

 

[Rob1984]

I'm in my mid 20's, so I think that makes me not a boomer (thank fucking god). Just ignore the Andrew Tate BS. As a guy I have faith most men know the dude is fucking wack. Obviously he has a cult following of dumbass frat-boy wannabe douchebags, but I truly believe most guys don't buy his alpha male bullshit (at least I really hope). And speaking of Reddit... I probably roll my eyes every few minutes I read comments on the site. A lot of the overall community is annoying, and it only gets worse depending on the subreddit you are in. Everybody on Reddit is either a therapist or a lawyer with an infinite amount of wisdom to share with everyone... *rolls eyes*

I haven't had friends in years unfortunately. But I have nobody to blame but myself because as my depression gets worse, I find myself isolating more and more. Even when I thought I had friends, they were veryyy toxic, so I'm not sure if that even counts as having friends or is considered having under zero friends But yeah, kinda hard for me to make friends when I close myself off from the world. It can get really trippy at times because I will have moments where I feel so distant or cut-off from society/reality.

To give you a different angle on the relationship stuff, in my early 20's I was obsessed with the idea that I never had a gf, but then I managed to get into my first relationship which lasted 4 years, and lo and behold, it was a toxic nightmare. Not very surprising considering how unhealthy I was as a person, and how I gravitated towards an equally unhealthy person. Thankfully I got out of that relationship, and now I realize I'd rather be single and alone instead of being in a toxic relationship. I know this isn't the response you are looking for, so I guess all I'm trying to say is that in some cases having a partner can actually be a lot worse than being lonely and single But yeah, seeing my peers and people I grew up with being in relationships (that seem healthy) is really tough on my self-esteem.

 

[SwissSuicideLady]

Me too. I'm a 23 years old freak, Gothic, lesbian, and I live in a small village, where everybody points on you as soon as they see me

 

[Krieger]

I isolated myself from my friends and just have no interest in talking to people IRL at this point. I have these self isolating phases where I don't talk to anyone irl except my relatives (altho I talk to people online daily). I both want friends but don't want friends dunno why. Also, I have trouble making friends now.

 

[AnonymousRobin]

i am very extroverted and i have many many interests. i left my friends in Japan to be here and making friends in the united kingdom is so hard everyone just makes fun of each other and there is nothing to do (._.)

 

[spacehardware]

I'm 30. I don't have any friends. I did have friends, my best friend ctb nearly 6 years ago. After she died, I was a mess, ended up in a crisis house for a week. While there I met someone who became a very close friend for the next 3 years. Then in 2020 she ctb too. I gave up on making friends after that. I'm not a good friend, most people out there can't relate to my experiences (in and out of psychiatric hospitals and general hospitals during my teens and twenties for mental health and my chronic illness). I also don't want to burden people with my shit. And because I've been friendless, when people like old friends message me now to reconnect, it's hard. It's like I've forgotten how to communicate with people on a friendly level. And the energy the messaging back and forth saps from me, I find it draining. I'm out of practice and I've just accepted this friendless existence now.

I am in a relationship but it's a weird one. There's some intimacy but no sex for well over a year now. And like the friends thing, I don't have the energy to pursue it anymore.

I figure, the fewer people who are close to me, the fewer people I hurt when I ctb. It's lonely though. I look at girls I went to school with, who still have their large circle of close friends, and I'm jealous. It makes me think about how my life could've turned out so differently. But then again, I am who I am, I was probably always going to be on the outside.

 

[come to dust]

I'm gay and dating is super hard. Finding that emotional connection towards a stranger is hard… I can't seem to even find it with friends anymore. Tinder tends to be a pit where it's a just an app for a small ego boost at the end of the day.

It foes feel somewhat hopeless finding a partner. I'm definitely in the same boat. Wanting to find love yet I can't even love myself so it seems like an impossible task at hand :(

Are you getting matches on tinder? as a gay man i used to swipe right on everyone and get no matches back. it was truly over

 

[TraurigerClown]

I thought I'd make this thread because so many people on this site are much older and they've talked down to me in the past and I'm tired of it.

It's bad enough being told "It gets better" by idiots on Reddit, I don't really enjoy coming on here thinking I can open up and then realize it was all a waste of time because I was talking to some boomer who didn't start feeling "suicidal" until like 50.
These people just don't understand what it's like to never have had a chance at happiness or a good life. I never had a chance to get married and have kids or a happy family before ending up this way. Because of my situation I'll probably never get married because 1. I've never dated so I have no experience. and 2. I have no hobbies or friends. I don't need people lying and saying that it's fine that I have zero experience. It's not fine and people ARE judgmental about it. In fact I saw something recently about that Andrew Tate guy teaching men how to target virgins & lie to them and break their hearts and then leave them. I don't want to be treated as a piece of meat by strangers.
I heard from many people already that "women have it easy on Tinder" so I made an account and I didn't have "thousands of simps rushing to my feet and offering to buy me stuff". I only received a few messages from men being rude or instantly asking me for snapchat.
And when I get responses like that it just makes me realize that I'm right, it won't get better. If I had killed myself when I was 12 I wouldn't have to be dealing with any of this. I already feel bad enough for being behind in life, having men talk to me like I'm some kind of free prostitute doesn't boost my self esteem or ego so idk why so many of you guys act like all women have a great experience on dating apps because thats NOT THE TRUTH.

I've had so many days where wanting a boyfriend and sex/intimacy consumes my thoughts daily, but I know it's impossible for me. I think about cuddling when it's late at night and I'm laying in bed I just want to feel normal and I want to wake up the next day and be excited to hang out with someone.
But all I do is lie to myself, then I post online and get more lies told to me. At this point I'd honestly settle for a friend who'd be down to cuddle. I know the relationship stuff is probably never going to happen, but I still think about it even though I'll never have it. I've accepted some of this stuff, but the rest is really hard to come to terms with.

I know it's a long shot but I was wondering if anyone here can relate to me. I'd like to talk with someone who has experienced how frustrating this is, because I think most people don't understand, and that's why i've had bad luck with talking to people. The last online friend I had (who claimed to feel suicidal also) left my life after she got a boyfriend. I could really use a friend who understands how this kind of stuff feels because I am frustrated with my past so I only want a friend who understands this stuff too or has experienced extreme hurt/letdown.

Im 34 but i know how you feel. What you´re going through. Never had real Friends or stuff like that.
I tried to be "normal" for a few years, but my wife cheated on me, she killed my daughter and so on....so im in your shoes from early preteen till now!
Never would i tell you stuff like "its getting better" cuz its a fucking lie
And i send you a big hug :)

 

[Givenuponlife]

While I'm a man and have had little difficulty in making friends, albeit mostly online due to living in a rural place, I can relate to the loneliness and lack of romantic/dating success (due to mild autism, being in the wrong places at the wrong times and general lack of life skills). At this stage, I have largely come to terms with this by pushing it to the side, although the yearning still surfaces on occasion. It also helps that I barely feel anything nearly all the time.

 

[GoldenTicket420]

I thought I'd make this thread because so many people on this site are much older and they've talked down to me in the past and I'm tired of it.

It's bad enough being told "It gets better" by idiots on Reddit, I don't really enjoy coming on here thinking I can open up and then realize it was all a waste of time because I was talking to some boomer who didn't start feeling "suicidal" until like 50.
These people just don't understand what it's like to never have had a chance at happiness or a good life. I never had a chance to get married and have kids or a happy family before ending up this way. Because of my situation I'll probably never get married because 1. I've never dated so I have no experience. and 2. I have no hobbies or friends. I don't need people lying and saying that it's fine that I have zero experience. It's not fine and people ARE judgmental about it. In fact I saw something recently about that Andrew Tate guy teaching men how to target virgins & lie to them and break their hearts and then leave them. I don't want to be treated as a piece of meat by strangers.
I heard from many people already that "women have it easy on Tinder" so I made an account and I didn't have "thousands of simps rushing to my feet and offering to buy me stuff". I only received a few messages from men being rude or instantly asking me for snapchat.
And when I get responses like that it just makes me realize that I'm right, it won't get better. If I had killed myself when I was 12 I wouldn't have to be dealing with any of this. I already feel bad enough for being behind in life, having men talk to me like I'm some kind of free prostitute doesn't boost my self esteem or ego so idk why so many of you guys act like all women have a great experience on dating apps because thats NOT THE TRUTH.

I've had so many days where wanting a boyfriend and sex/intimacy consumes my thoughts daily, but I know it's impossible for me. I think about cuddling when it's late at night and I'm laying in bed I just want to feel normal and I want to wake up the next day and be excited to hang out with someone.
But all I do is lie to myself, then I post online and get more lies told to me. At this point I'd honestly settle for a friend who'd be down to cuddle. I know the relationship stuff is probably never going to happen, but I still think about it even though I'll never have it. I've accepted some of this stuff, but the rest is really hard to come to terms with.

I know it's a long shot but I was wondering if anyone here can relate to me. I'd like to talk with someone who has experienced how frustrating this is, because I think most people don't understand, and that's why i've had bad luck with talking to people. The last online friend I had (who claimed to feel suicidal also) left my life after she got a boyfriend. I could really use a friend who understands how this kind of stuff feels because I am frustrated with my past so I only want a friend who understands this stuff too or has experienced extreme hurt/letdown.

I'm 30. I don't have any friends. I did have friends, my best friend ctb nearly 6 years ago. After she died, I was a mess, ended up in a crisis house for a week. While there I met someone who became a very close friend for the next 3 years. Then in 2020 she ctb too. I gave up on making friends after that. I'm not a good friend, most people out there can't relate to my experiences (in and out of psychiatric hospitals and general hospitals during my teens and twenties for mental health and my chronic illness). I also don't want to burden people with my shit. And because I've been friendless, when people like old friends message me now to reconnect, it's hard. It's like I've forgotten how to communicate with people on a friendly level. And the energy the messaging back and forth saps from me, I find it draining. I'm out of practice and I've just accepted this friendless existence now.

I am in a relationship but it's a weird one. There's some intimacy but no sex for well over a year now. And like the friends thing, I don't have the energy to pursue it anymore.

I figure, the fewer people who are close to me, the fewer people I hurt when I ctb. It's lonely though. I look at girls I went to school with, who still have their large circle of close friends, and I'm jealous. It makes me think about how my life could've turned out so differently. But then again, I am who I am, I was probably always going to be on the outside.

I woukd love to chat sometime. I'm in the same boat as you with some things. A close friend of mine died and I'm not in contact with any of them old friends anymore because of my depression and anxiety and how it affects my life. Very hard to see everyone talking about memories and past times and not be able to share or be part of it. Won't judge, just a good listener with good advice.

 

[Unending]

@HarmedVessel Ya I can understand where you are coming from about isolation. Everyone online says it's bad but they just don't get it. They don't understand our circumstances.
I think for me personally, I dealt with desperation for basically my entire life. Even when I was a kid (2nd grade) and started dealing with bullying I would just walk away from these people. I thought maybe things would be better in the future. I remember feeling crushed even at that young age. I felt misunderstood by my peers, and by adults too. I was the nicest person but I was shy so that made me an easy target. Now after trying and failing so many times I feel like this is just the way it is. I don't WANT to be alone, I don't think anyone truly does. It's just that after so many lousy experiences you give up and being alone doesn't feel as scary anymore. I think it can definitely be worse for your mental health, and I've felt that.

Do you have any online friends? I tried making some friends on here but they stop replying eventually and then deactivate their accounts. This already happened twice, and both people left to make improvements on themselves. I want to feel happy for them, it just feels like I'm a less then a side character in everyone's life. Nobody ever seems to want me around, and that hurts.

Yeah, my understanding is that we are programmed to be social creatures after all, so in that sense, it seems like any craving for isolation would be a deviation from what most human brains seek out normally. I have one pen pal but I haven't talked to them in quite a while, and I understand the thing you said about feeling like a side character, that has definitely been a theme for me during the times when I wished for more in the relationship department.

 

[spacehardware]

@GoldenTicket420 Feel free to message me. It'd be nice to talk to someone with a similar experience.

 

[hellispink]

I was always the bullied kid. So my only friend is my pen and paper.

 

[Heartbroken2022]

I am at my 30+ and I have some friends. However I feel that I am still alone, since I cant say that any of my friends can really listen to me and understand me. Each of them has their own problems and priorities and I feel that I am not one of these, so I am left aside alone at my home, depressed and having bad thoughts once a while.
At least it seems we are not alone in this situation :)

 

[BurningMan]

Are you getting matches on tinder? as a gay man i used to swipe right on everyone and get no matches back. it was truly over

I do. But the thing is it feels all so futile regardless - I feel like it's just a game people play. I never see myself having anything with anyone on there. It's just a profile in which I hope to seek validation I guess. I feel like our pool is so much smaller too that the compatibility range is a lot smaller too.