Discussion Anyone here due to no parental/ familial care or love?

[MeltingHeart]

This is part vent/ part discussion - but I have confession that I am envious of (I don't like the word jealously but I guess it the kinda the same thing end of day) all these members saying they have guilt to ctb because of how upset their family would be- I KNOW I have no right to say say or think this for 1. Just because I don't have that - I also don't have their problems i.e physical pain or a long term mental health thing or grief (though I would say mine is a form of grief) & 2. You could argue atleast this is one factor I don't need to worry about (guilt) in ctb and the upset that may cause those I leave behind. But seeing as this is all about honesty on here- whether or not it is right or wrong I am so upset when I hear people speak of how bad they feel to do this to their family- I know it's so self absorbed but I just can't believe I don't even have to worry about that- and I know in my final moments - I was never wanted, never really loved & just had the v.v most basic level of care and only up till a certain age. It may seem ridiculous to be the age I am (heading toward 40) and to be so consumed by childhood neglect/ abuse & shouldn't i have moved on by now- but the knock on effects were so huge & I did try REALLY hard to not let it! I wanted to progress, move on, make my own life, not dwell on/ blame the past etc. Be strong, make my own life what I wanted it to be as I got older - I tried my best. But I guess this lack of any family love/ support just left me struggling for so many years & kind of broken hearted in someways that without wanting to blame them exactly- I can not help but say- it is certainly a factor in me reaching this point now. Seen so many posts about people worrying about how their family will feel- just wondered if their is anyone that doesn't feel this, due to having not being loved by them? (not because they have passed themselves which is of course painful yet different kind of pain/ grief)

 

[Lethe]

I don't feel it. Without mincing words, I was brought into this world by no choice of my own, so I don't owe anyone anything. I will feel a bit bad that they will have to deal with loss, but death is a natural and inevitable part of life so they will have to come to terms with it at some point regardless.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I don't feel it. Without mincing words, I was brought into this world by no choice of my own, so I don't owe anyone anything. I will feel a bit bad that they will have to deal with loss, but death is a natural and inevitable part of life so they will have to come to terms with it at some point regardless.

What as in you don't you feel guilt?

 

[Lostblackchild]

my pops went along with his new wife kicking me out the house at 14/15. decade + later i learned from my brother my dad didn't know why I was kicked out he just went along with his wife at the time. smh. needless to say i don't have much of a relationship with him

 

[MeltingHeart]

my pops went along with his new wife kicking me out the house at 14/15. decade + later i learned from my brother my dad didn't know why I was kicked out he just went along with his wife at the time. smh. needless to say i don't have much of a relationship with him

so shit at that age the child should still come first (unless they are deliberately causing trouble and they know it) and even if not first -atleast be of equal importance as that new partner!

 

[Lostblackchild]

so shit at that age the child should still come first (unless they are deliberately causing trouble and they know it) and even if not first -atleast be of equal importance as that new partner!

yea thats what my aunt & gma tells me now. my pops is a clown for that!

 

[Lethe]

What as in you don't you feel guilt?

Yes, that's what you were asking about, wasn't it? I don't feel any in this particular case.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes, that's what you were asking about, wasn't it? I don't feel any in this particular case.

No I don't feel guilt in that way. I just want to explain to them in my note that it is not as simple as having a mental illness (although of course people will tell themselves whatever they want to think to alleviate their own guilt) I don't want to make them feel guilty but I do want them to know this could have been avoided, if people had been around to care/ help/ look out for me wayyyyy before I got to this stage now any help is simple coming far to late. But they just attribute a mystery mental illness that I have got rather than how I have been treated my entire life.