Anyone going through benzo withdrawal?

[BW Blues]

Hello. This is my first post to this website. I'm nervous being here I'm not gonna lie. But I've been reading posts from you for several days now and decided I should join in in the conversation. I'm 43 years old and I'm feeling suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't want to keep on feeling the way I do. Depressed. Anxious. Scared every day. I'm going through benzo withdrawal and it's absolute hell. My parents put me on them at 16. The psychiatrists kept prescribing them to me. That's 27 years. Never abused them. Took them as prescribed. Trusted my doctors. Was a good patient I think. But now I'm stuck. And the medical profession doesn't know what to do with us at best and don't believe us at worst. I'm tapering with a doctor but it's still awful. I'm terrified of acute and protracted withdrawal. It could be months. It could be years. The not knowing is the terrifying part. Is anyone else going through this?

 

[Smart No More]

Never been that deep but definitely experienced it. Very recently in fact.

What are you using for your taper? Diazepam I hope.

If you're feeling really horrible it's probably a sign you're going too fast. You should feel "normal". As in neither high/dosed or ill.

It's true that people experience protracted withrawal but if your prescriber knows what they're doing they will help you through that with ongoing meds. Ultimately you should take them for as long as you need whilst staying in that zone of okay but not dosed. You shouldn't slip over into noticeable withdrawal so I'd speak with them on this front and ask to raise your dose very slightly or slow down your taper schedule.
Have you come across any info from a Dr Ashton on benzos? He's actually brilliant and the info is publicly available. If you look for his taper schedules and research/experience you will no doubt find some gems of useful info on how best to proceed. Hopefully that will give you some guidance on what you can realistically expect and more importantly some hope. It's a horrible feeling to fear feeling indefinitely.

Problem with many practitioners is that they get to go home and take a break from it all and forget that you do not. They're not as invested as you and therefore can be quite heavy handed and careless in how dramatic the rate and size of reductions are.

Benzo buddies is a decent forum type environment to find people who are going through it or have been through it.

Really wish you the best of luck. It does imorove and even those with protracted with withdrawal twnd to have it in clusters with periods of improvement inbetween. Ite not certain why that happens but at least you will almost certainly get breaks from the worst of it. A very slow gentle taper seems the most logic choice for someone with such a long history. Stand firm with them on that if you have to. Perhaps take some info from Dr Ashton to back you up if you have to. The research and experience is well respected and hasn't really been matched as far as I'm aware. Some of the details on how exactly to navigate from each specific benzo onto diazepam is really precise and I've not found it anywhere else.


Oh, last thing... I'm not a big supplements person as at least half of it is snake oil but L-theanine gets a lot of praise in the benzo community. Its not perfect or magic but it's something right? It's said to help with resetting/blancing your gaba receptors IIRC.

 

[BW Blues]

Never been that deep but definitely experienced it. Very recently in fact.

What are you using for your taper? Diazepam I hope.

If you're feeling really horrible it's probably a sign you're going too fast. You should feel "normal". As in neither high/dosed or ill.

It's true that people experience protracted withrawal but if your prescriber knows what they're doing they will help you through that with ongoing meds. Ultimately you should take them for as long as you need whilst staying in that zone of okay but not dosed. You shouldn't slip over into noticeable withdrawal so I'd speak with them on this front and ask to raise your dose very slightly or slow down your taper schedule.
Have you come across any info from a Dr Ashton on benzos? He's actually brilliant and the info is publicly available. If you look for his taper schedules and research/experience you will no doubt find some gems of useful info on how best to proceed. Hopefully that will give you some guidance on what yoy can realistically expect and more importantly some hope. It's a horrible feeling to fear feeling indefinitely.

Problem with many practitioners is that they get to go home and take a break from it all and forget that you do not. They're not as invested as you and therefore can be quite heavy handed and careless in how dramatic the rate and size of reductions are.

Benzo buddies is a decent forum type environment to find people who are going through it or have been through it.

Really wish you the best of luck. It does imorove and even those with protracted with withdrawal twnd to have it in clusters with periods of improvement inbetween. Ite not certain why that happens but at least you will almost certainly get breaks from the worst of it. A very slow gentle taper seems the most logic choice for someone with such a long history. Stand firm with them on that if you have to. Perhaps take some info from Dr Ashton to back you up if you have to. The research and experience is well respected and hasn't really been matched as far as I'm aware. Some of the details on how exactly to navigate from each specific benzo onto diazepam is really precise and I've not found it anywhere else.


Oh, last thing... I'm not a big supplements person as at least half of it is snake oul but L-theanine gets a lot of praise in the benzo community. Its not perfect or magic but it's something right? It's said to help with resetting/blancing your gaba receptors IIRC.

The worst part about it is the suicidal ideation/constant thoughts. I didn't used to have them when I was taking my klonopin before I was switched to valium. I'm currently at 13 mg Valium. Tapering about a mg every week or two. Was taking 0.5-1 mg klonopin for all those years. Switched to 19mg Valium at the beginning and now at 13mg. The withdrawal is really hard. The suicidal thoughts are the worst.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Hello. This is my first post to this website. I'm nervous being here I'm not gonna lie. But I've been reading posts from you for several days now and decided I should join in in the conversation. I'm 43 years old and I'm feeling suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't want to keep on feeling the way I do. Depressed. Anxious. Scared every day. I'm going through benzo withdrawal and it's absolute hell. My parents put me on them at 16. The psychiatrists kept prescribing them to me. That's 27 years. Never abused them. Took them as prescribed. Trusted my doctors. Was a good patient I think. But now I'm stuck. And the medical profession doesn't know what to do with us at best and don't believe us at worst. I'm tapering with a doctor but it's still awful. I'm terrified of acute and protracted withdrawal. It could be months. It could be years. The not knowing is the terrifying part. Is anyone else going through this?

Why do you have to stop taking them?

 

[BW Blues]

The worst part about it is the suicidal ideation/constant thoughts. I didn't used to have them when I was taking my klonopin before I was switched to valium. I'm currently at 13 mg Valium. Tapering about a mg every week or two. Was taking 0.5-1 mg klonopin for all those years. Switched to 19mg Valium at the beginning and now at 13mg. The withdrawal is really hard. The suicidal thoughts are the worst.

Also should mention that I drank a lot during my years on K. Not to enhance it. Just because I liked to drink. Didn't know it worked on the same receptors as the benzo thus enhancing its effects. Went to rehab. Have been sober for almost a year. They tried to CT me in rehab over a week!! Yeah, right. I made them put me back on a benzo. They hesitantly ceded and gave me 10mg valium. That got me off the floor. after I got out of rehab I later found a doctor who specializes in benzo withdrawal/tapering. Been following his lead since but I do feel like it's fast. I just wanna be off this shit. Also on Lexapro, Backofen, Lamictal, and seroquel (low dose) for sleep.

Why do you have to stop taking them?

Because I was getting interdose withdrawal and would have to keep upping my dose indefinitely.
FDA begrudgingly slapped a black box warning on all benzos so the same psychiatrists who've been handing them out like Skittles for the past 20 years are now afraid to write scripts because they don't want to possibly lose their licenses. Bastards got us hooked and then took the bait away.

Never been that deep but definitely experienced it. Very recently in fact.

What are you using for your taper? Diazepam I hope.

If you're feeling really horrible it's probably a sign you're going too fast. You should feel "normal". As in neither high/dosed or ill.

It's true that people experience protracted withrawal but if your prescriber knows what they're doing they will help you through that with ongoing meds. Ultimately you should take them for as long as you need whilst staying in that zone of okay but not dosed. You shouldn't slip over into noticeable withdrawal so I'd speak with them on this front and ask to raise your dose very slightly or slow down your taper schedule.
Have you come across any info from a Dr Ashton on benzos? He's actually brilliant and the info is publicly available. If you look for his taper schedules and research/experience you will no doubt find some gems of useful info on how best to proceed. Hopefully that will give you some guidance on what yoy can realistically expect and more importantly some hope. It's a horrible feeling to fear feeling indefinitely.

Problem with many practitioners is that they get to go home and take a break from it all and forget that you do not. They're not as invested as you and therefore can be quite heavy handed and careless in how dramatic the rate and size of reductions are.

Benzo buddies is a decent forum type environment to find people who are going through it or have been through it.

Really wish you the best of luck. It does imorove and even those with protracted with withdrawal twnd to have it in clusters with periods of improvement inbetween. Ite not certain why that happens but at least you will almost certainly get breaks from the worst of it. A very slow gentle taper seems the most logic choice for someone with such a long history. Stand firm with them on that if you have to. Perhaps take some info from Dr Ashton to back you up if you have to. The research and experience is well respected and hasn't really been matched as far as I'm aware. Some of the details on how exactly to navigate from each specific benzo onto diazepam is really precise and I've not found it anywhere else.


Oh, last thing... I'm not a big supplements person as at least half of it is snake oul but L-theanine gets a lot of praise in the benzo community. Its not perfect or magic but it's something right? It's said to help with resetting/blancing your gaba receptors IIRC.

Thank you BTW for your thoughtful and caring response. Means a lot.

 

[Smart No More]

The worst part about it is the suicidal ideation/constant thoughts. I didn't used to have them when I was taking my klonopin before I was switched to valium. I'm currently at 13 mg Valium. Tapering about a mg every week or two. Was taking 0.5-1 mg klonopin for all those years. Switched to 19mg Valium at the beginning and now at 13mg. The withdrawal is really hard. The suicidal thoughts are the worst.

I think the Ashton manual suggests a combination of tapering from the klonopin alongside the diazepam at first. Maybe that something you could suggest with your practitioner. If it would potentially help with the suicidal ideation it seems worth it right?

Honestly 19mg valium doesn't seem enough from the start. I may be misremembering but I thought it was 40mg valium = 1mg klonopin. If so your dose got split in half from the start and you were switched to a different benzo with not transition stage. I'm not medically trained so please take what I say as a layman thinking out loud. If it were me I'd be annoyed to be kept in that perpetual state of withdrawal when a slight raise in dose would probably help without hindering. Like I say, from what I read that's how it should be. Obviously you have to push your boundaries and deal with a bit of discomfort here and there but it appears to be possible to do it more gently than some practitioners are happy to push.

Not sure how open you can be but if you can, maybe have a word with them about the way you're feeling and explain you need support or adjustment. It's not unreasonable.

 

[BW Blues]

Never been that deep but definitely experienced it. Very recently in fact.

What are you using for your taper? Diazepam I hope.

If you're feeling really horrible it's probably a sign you're going too fast. You should feel "normal". As in neither high/dosed or ill.

It's true that people experience protracted withrawal but if your prescriber knows what they're doing they will help you through that with ongoing meds. Ultimately you should take them for as long as you need whilst staying in that zone of okay but not dosed. You shouldn't slip over into noticeable withdrawal so I'd speak with them on this front and ask to raise your dose very slightly or slow down your taper schedule.
Have you come across any info from a Dr Ashton on benzos? He's actually brilliant and the info is publicly available. If you look for his taper schedules and research/experience you will no doubt find some gems of useful info on how best to proceed. Hopefully that will give you some guidance on what yoy can realistically expect and more importantly some hope. It's a horrible feeling to fear feeling indefinitely.

Problem with many practitioners is that they get to go home and take a break from it all and forget that you do not. They're not as invested as you and therefore can be quite heavy handed and careless in how dramatic the rate and size of reductions are.

Benzo buddies is a decent forum type environment to find people who are going through it or have been through it.

Really wish you the best of luck. It does imorove and even those with protracted with withdrawal twnd to have it in clusters with periods of improvement inbetween. Ite not certain why that happens but at least you will almost certainly get breaks from the worst of it. A very slow gentle taper seems the most logic choice for someone with such a long history. Stand firm with them on that if you have to. Perhaps take some info from Dr Ashton to back you up if you have to. The research and experience is well respected and hasn't really been matched as far as I'm aware. Some of the details on how exactly to navigate from each specific benzo onto diazepam is really precise and I've not found it anywhere else.


Oh, last thing... I'm not a big supplements person as at least half of it is snake oul but L-theanine gets a lot of praise in the benzo community. Its not perfect or magic but it's something right? It's said to help with resetting/blancing your gaba receptors IIRC.

As to Dr. Ashton, I am familiar with her. She was a pioneer and a kind and compassionate soul. May she RIP.

I think the Ashton manual suggests a combination of tapering from the klonopin alongside the diazepam at first. Maybe that something you could suggest with your practitioner. If it would potentially help with the suicidal ideation it seems worth it right?

Honestly 19mg valium doesn't seem enough from the start. I may be misremembering but I thought it was 40mg valium = 1mg klonopin. If so your dose got split in half from the start and you were switched to a different benzo with not transition stage. I'm not medically trained so please take what I say as a layman thinking out loud. If it were me I'd be annoyed to be kept in that perpetual state of withdrawal when a slight raise in dose would probably help without hindering. Like I say, from what I read that's how it should be. Obviously you have to push your boundaries and deal with a bit of discomfort here and there but it appears to be possible to do it more gently than some practitioners are happy to push.

Not sure how open you can be but if you can, maybe have a word with them about the way you're feeling and explain you need support or adjustment. It's not unreasonable.

1mg K = 20mg V. What was your experience if you care to share?
Ordered SN to have for a rainy day.

Hello. This is my first post to this website. I'm nervous being here I'm not gonna lie. But I've been reading posts from you for several days now and decided I should join in in the conversation. I'm 43 years old and I'm feeling suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't want to keep on feeling the way I do. Depressed. Anxious. Scared every day. I'm going through benzo withdrawal and it's absolute hell. My parents put me on them at 16. The psychiatrists kept prescribing them to me. That's 27 years. Never abused them. Took them as prescribed. Trusted my doctors. Was a good patient I think. But now I'm stuck. And the medical profession doesn't know what to do with us at best and don't believe us at worst. I'm tapering with a doctor but it's still awful. I'm terrified of acute and protracted withdrawal. It could be months. It could be years. The not knowing is the terrifying part. Is anyone else going through this?

The deep depression I'm feeling now is as bad if not worse than the constant anxiety.

 

[Smart No More]

As to Dr. Ashton, I am familiar with her. She was a pioneer and a kind and compassionate soul. May she RIP.

1mg K = 20mg V. What was your experience if you care to share?
Ordered SN to have for a rainy day.

Ah "she", yes my mistake. I've done that a few times now. Memory issues. Yeah, she really pioneered it and had a compassionate mind when recording and collating data.

You're right too. 20mg to 1mg. I think I confused myself as I was using 2mg pills of klonopin and 2mg pills of Alprazolam and they equate to 40mg diazepam. I guess I was getting 1pill mixed up with 1mg if you get my meaning. My memory is messy.

My experience is nothing compared to yourself. Less than 6months use but lots of different benzos and during a really sick period. That's a whole story in itself but basically speaking I experienced accidental poisoning and it messed me up bad. Nervous system, digestive system, cognition and memory all took a hit and it was like I didn't and still don't live in a familar body anymore. Like all feedback from eating, touching etc is just out of whack. It's hard to fully explain but it's not entirely different to benzo withdrawal in some ways. Like feeling like a raw nerve kind of thing. Unable to reach a certain level of sleep. Poor appetite. Nightmares and of course suicidal ideation. So naturally I turned to benzos to help dampen the discomfort but ultimately it only makes things worse as the sleep is unnatural and not fully quenching. It did help with appetite whilst on them but it wasn't enough to justify the constant use and I had promised myself I'd only use them sparingly so I had to have a word with myself when I inevitably was pushing my luck. Was quite a shock to the system but as my time on them was relatively short and sporadic I didn't do much in the way of tapering. I already felt horrendous so I just bit the bullet and lasted it out. Honestly it was only a week until I started feeling some improvement but as I say, I was nowhere near as deep/long in as you were. Since then I've still used some occasionally but I find now that just single use comes with some fallout. 3 days use and I'm a mess for a week or so. So I really don't know if I'll ever bother again. I started using zolpidem a bit which is quite different (but the same) but it has this kind of trippy extra to it. I guess because it's a hypnotic. But same issue arise with using that. Better to just live with the shittness of health than make it worse in the long run. So even though I've not really walked in your shoes I can relate to some extent and I feel for you! Personally I feel you're going too fast though I admire your determination.

 

[BW Blues]

Thank you, Smart No More. You seem pretty smart to me.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

DM me. I go thru benzo w/d everyday. I take 2mg clonazepam but it doesn't hold me for 24h. However in December of 2021 I stopped taking my clonazepam (and alprazolam) for 5+ days. Obviously I wound up in the ER in on the verge of SE.. pulse was 159, sweating was profuse & I had such bad tremors my muscles were sore for weeks. Took 70mg IV valium & 12mg of IV Versed to take me out of w/d & get me "stable" again. However I've been worse than ever since then. Interdose w/d sucks. Sorry your suffering thru this.

 

[Lastsauce]

27 years on benzos. Wow. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like. You are tapering way too fast considering how long you have taken them, ask your doc to slow down or even increase the dose if you can't take it.
I was myself on 1mg clonazepam over a decade ago for some 6 months. I didn't know at the time how ridiculously addictive they can be and believed it was ok to take them for extended periods as the doctor kept renewing the prescription.
I had a great doctor to help me taper down also by using valium. I managed to taper from 20mg to 10mg in 3 months but after that it took another 3 months to taper another 5mg. When I got to 5mg I almost immediately jumped off completely and the withdrawals were bearable. Good luck!

 

[wljourney]

I'm really sorry you are going through this.
It's a major accomplishment to get through this and it will work if you go low and slow. If you can't reduce one week, it won't be the end. Just go as fast or slow as you need.
It's really good that you are getting medical support for this and yes, mention the struggles you are facing. Maybe there is something to ease the suicidal ideation. They are brutal. I know.

For me withdrawal was challenging since it gave me vertigo and massive headaches. But in the end I was able to kick Lorazepam entirely and now only use it when absolutely necessary. Maybe twice a month.

The other one I'll probably need for the rest of my life. I'm resigned to that and not even try to get off it. So Kudos to you for even trying!

Hugs.

 

[Sky66]

Kava kava can help you while tapering.

 

[BW Blues]

As to Dr. Ashton, I am familiar with her. She was a pioneer and a kind and compassionate soul. May she RIP.

1mg K = 20mg V. What was your experience if you care to share?

The deep depression I'm feeling now is as bad if not worse than the constant anxiety.

Ah "she", yes my mistake. I've done that a few times now. Memory issues. Yeah, she really pioneered it and had a compassionate mind when recording and collating data.

You're right too. 20mg to 1mg. I think I confused myself as I was using 2mg pills of klonopin and 2mg pills of Alprazolam and they equate to 40mg diazepam. I guess I was getting 1pill mixed up with 1mg if you get my meaning. My memory is messy.

My experience is nothing compared to yourself. Less than 6months use but lots of different benzos and during a really sick period. That's a whole story in itself but basically speaking I experienced accidental poisoning and it messed me up bad. Nervous system, digestive system, cognition and memory all took a hit and it was like I didn't and still don't live in a familar body anymore. Like all feedback from eating, touching etc is just out of whack. It's hard to fully explain but it's not entirely different to benzo withdrawal in some ways. Like feeling like a raw nerve kind of thing. Unable to reach a certain level of sleep. Poor appetite. Nightmares and of course suicidal ideation. So naturally I turned to benzos to help dampen the discomfort but ultimately it only makes things worse as the sleep is unnatural and not fully quenching. It did help with appetite whilst on them but it wasn't enough to justify the constant use and I had promised myself I'd only use them sparingly so I had to have a word with myself when I inevitably was pushing my luck. Was quite a shock to the system but as my time on them was relatively short and sporadic I didn't do much in the way of tapering. I already felt horrendous so I just bit the bullet and lasted it out. Honestly it was only a week until I started feeling some improvement but as I say, I was nowhere near as deep/long in as you were. Since then I've still used some occasionally but I find now that just single use comes with some fallout. 3 days use and I'm a mess for a week or so. So I really don't know if I'll ever bother again. I started using zolpidem a bit which is quite different (but the same) but it has this kind of trippy extra to it. I guess because it's a hypnotic. But same issue arise with using that. Better to just live with the shittness of health than make it worse in the long run. So even though I've not really walked in your shoes I can relate to some extent and I feel for you! Personally I feel you're going too fast though I admire your determination.

 

[whatstheporpoise15]

Currently experiencing what I believe are tolerance withdrawal symptoms and I'm trying to get up the courage to start the taper. My fucking psychiatrist wasn't monitoring me properly on them and I was kindling for a few months.

 

[BW Blues]

Currently experiencing what I believe are tolerance withdrawal symptoms and I'm trying to get up the courage to start the taper. My fucking psychiatrist wasn't monitoring me properly on them and I was kindling for a few months.

Benzos are the worst. I'm so sorry.

 

[ViseTristeMereu]

Not rn but i know it sucks

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Hello. This is my first post to this website. I'm nervous being here I'm not gonna lie. But I've been reading posts from you for several days now and decided I should join in in the conversation. I'm 43 years old and I'm feeling suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't want to keep on feeling the way I do. Depressed. Anxious. Scared every day. I'm going through benzo withdrawal and it's absolute hell. My parents put me on them at 16. The psychiatrists kept prescribing them to me. That's 27 years. Never abused them. Took them as prescribed. Trusted my doctors. Was a good patient I think. But now I'm stuck. And the medical profession doesn't know what to do with us at best and don't believe us at worst. I'm tapering with a doctor but it's still awful. I'm terrified of acute and protracted withdrawal. It could be months. It could be years. The not knowing is the terrifying part. Is anyone else going through this?

Yes l am, l was on 14/2mg Clonazepam=(20mg Valium) for 5yrs then my stupid quack without notice switched me over to 70 2mg Diazepam, With a 10mg reduction straight away and along with a further 10mg reduction occurring each month! My mental stability will become more and more unstable over the next 6 months until I am totally unmedicated and vunerable to my own Anger issues! I may have no choice but to have myself sectioned just in case l feel the urge to hurt someone!!! "Damn Quack's"!!!

 

[Cantbereal]

Yes I posted a bit of my story. In hell right now. Tolerance. Scary shit.