Anyone feel like everything is a distraction from the fact that you will be forced to kill yourself?

[Efilismislife]

Same with me. My narcissistic sociopathic family have made sure that the only way out for me is suicide.

Yeah. But do they know though? About u have to ctb because of them

How bad was it though? Do they just attack you using insult or controlling? Or they hurt you damage you physically too, threaten, etc?

Just wondering..
also you dont feel upset?

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

No.

Yeah. But do they know though? About u have to ctb because of them

How bad was it though? Do they just attack you using insult or controlling? Or they hurt you damage you physically too, threaten, etc?

Just wondering..
also you dont feel upset?

No. Absolutely not. They are very high on narcissistic sepctrum so they don't give a shit. And I cannot under any circumstances,let them know this otherwise some serious abuse and more tortures will be waiting for me. I have tried my best all the past months to keep the method hidden from them while being dependent upon them.
The abuse is just unexplainable. Severe smear campaignings and character assasination,physical abuses, extreme gaslighting,false diagnosing me with mental disorders which eventually destroyed my health due to years of taking wrong medicines,forced isolation,destroying my health and career, among other things as well. So now I have got very high CPTSD, tinnitus,multiple mini brain strokes,chronic pain and faitgue,very high insomnia,no social skills to survive,severe memory loss and basically no friends or anyone. Even the doctors don't understand or want to believe what I have endured.
Parents are treated as gods here. And no one actually understand what narcissistic abuse is. So yeah they will get away with everything in the end.
I used to feel upset but years of living like this without any support, has brought me to a point where I just don't care anymore.

 

[savoytruffle]

Both May and April were filler months. I'm just waiting for the time I'm finally gonna do it.

exactly my feelings as well, i feel like I'm living on borrowed time

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

Everything is a distraction for everyone until death. Most are just deluded by thinking it all means anything.

 

[Pluto]

some of the mentally ill are more apt to appraise what's really going on than those that are well adjusted to society

This is very true. The benefits of cooperating with the system are immense. It is like a national/international protection racket. In more traditional times/places, religions like Christianity brought people a similar exchange of safety and comfort at the price of free thought or alignment with reality. And not-so-nice fates awaited those who failed to conform.

I cannot claim to be in possession of some elevated world-view that could cure all of society's ills, as the experts on Twitter or Facebook might do. I can merely see the futility of participating.

Let's face it, if we were able to bask in the endless distraction of pleasures enjoyed by an average conformist in society, we too would have precious little interest in contemplating the underlying darkness of our society's structures.

For me not just illness but psychopath family.
theyre ruining my body, my life.

Same with me. My narcissistic sociopathic family have made sure that the only way out for me is suicide.

I'm still living through this. I desperately needed to get away from the family at any cost, but upon doing so I only entered a new arena of trying to battle a lifetime of abuse and mental illness without resources, survive in the world without any assistance, or even establish the basic security of a roof over my head while having to work crappy jobs for every penny. After a Herculean effort, I'm close to owning my own house but also close to death from burnout and viewing the future with despair.

I am attempting to recover with pissweak resources at my disposal and a thousand mountains to climb. There are moments of hope, then crashes. They are probably placing bets on how long I will survive. But in all honesty, it's not clear if they are sadistic demons, or casually apathetic. They simply don't care whatsoever about the extent of the suffering that they cause. The message is clear: we are on our own.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

doctors, policeman or college professors

In all honesty, it took me a long time to learn this - this problem I currently have is partly linked to trusting medical professionals too much, and taking medications that I never should've been given - which lead me to end up lying on my bed in pain for 2 years, researching how the pharmaceutical industry works, and how doctors just regurgitate the 'clinical data' they have been given by the pharmaceutical companies, who basically omit whatever information they like from studies, and fiddle numbers to make it look like medications are more effective and less harmful than they really are, as much as they like, to make as much profit as possible. I used to think Doctors decided to give you medications by using scientific theory in their big brains, to figure out what will treat your condition most effectively. When really, they just give you what the pharmaceutical companies told them to give you. And Big Pharma basically regulates itself, similarly to if we were to allow footballers to referee their own football matches, and just trust they'll all be honest. Same with the police. It took me a long time to learn all this.

But I now strongly suspect that learning this is the key to getting what you want out of your life. You have to accept that selfishness, ego and chasing personal glory is not something to be ashamed of, and if you allow it, it will guide you to a better place for you, your family, friends and wider community. Selfishness leads to power and control over your own life, and the power to help others later on, once you've built yourself a slice of heaven on earth. It seems to me that selfishness is the most effective path to selflessness later on.

An activist, with no resources or power over their own future and the world around them, is just an irritating hippy yelling incoherent platitudes in the street, and causing nothing to improve whatsoever. But this is what these modern 'professors' encourage young people to do, especially young black people - I suspect they know full-well that this will not improve their lives in any way whatsoever, but they need young, poor unsuccessful black people with no power over their own lives, to use as pawns in their corrupt guilt-tripping games against the wealthy.

I'm sure I'm telling you nothing you don't already know.