It was scary but I went on a rant about how much I hate life and everything
Yeah, never would have thought I'd fall so low and spend my last days venting online
I would say that you are "foolish" in the sense that someone may try to prevent your suicide attempt.
Why do you feel the need to announce your CTB attempt? Is it a cry for help? If so, you don't need to feel ashamed about it, but it would be of help for us to know what your intentions are.
That's true I'm only scared because of I think they will try to hurt me or something like paranoia
I can't see a reason for other people trying to hurt you, but you know the people who are close to you, the best. My only suggestion is to keep your suicide feelings and plans to yourself - or else someone may try to intervene and prevent your suicide attempt. In case you don't want to die, you may try talking to people about it, in a non-threatening way.
I can understand that you are in a precarious situation. If I were you, I wouldn't try to get those people to understand your situation, since suicide is a sin within the Christian religion, as far as I understand it - so you need to understand your situation - meaning that either you really wish to end your life, or you are crying out for help - which is it...?
Those Christian people may be able to help you if you don't wish to end your life, but they may prevent your eventual suicide attempt, or shun you, if you do attempt it.
The thing is. It's a very confusing situation. It was a cry for help but also it looks foolish. Because my brain is destroyed at this point.
They can't fix my brain so what am I supposed to do? Also I thought of suicide in my teens but I didn't know how to execute the plan
What do you feel is wrong with your brain?
You see, suicide is always an option, if you ask me, so is there anything in particular that makes you not want to share your feelings with your immediate community - like shame, for example?
It's shame but it's like my brain doesn't react in time so I can't even get the courage to attempt.
Their Christian so it's annoying
Has something in particular happened that has made you feel this way.. - like a certain situation - or did it just happen out of nowhere..?
The thing is let me explain what led to this point
1. One at puberty I developed acne
2. I was abused and bullied in school for my face and became so weak
3. My depression was really bad
4. I had older brothers that abused and bullied my mother. So I seen all of that
5. I was too weak. And scared
6. Then it makes sense because we live in a hyper sexual culture the tech programmed me And the bullies told me about porn and masturbation
7. So I was groomed to be prey for predators
8. No wonder why I think sex is bad and I hate men so much
9. So I was sexually assaulted multiple times
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I see! You are in a tough situation, but think about the recipient of your outreach. As I understand it, Christians won't see that as an acceptable reason to kill oneself.
How do you feel about these circumstances right now..? Do you feel like they are irreversible and unfixable..? If I'm not mistaken, you may find more support within this community compared to your Christian circle, but I can't be the judge of whether that's bad or good for you.
IfyouareamanWinston
Student
- Aug 22, 2022
- 168
I feel foolish for telling my husband. He is mad and says 'how do you think it make some feel to know that you will ctb in the future'. It would have been kinder to say nothing.
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