Discussion Anyone else's parents fought a lot ?

[Gaga786]

Violent arguments, verbal abuse and shrieking was all I observed while growing up. These fights between my parents were a daily occurrence– while driving, at home, at relatives' houses and at other events. It kinda messed me up seeing them that way probably because my father didn't respect my mother, who would get stressed, to the point that she would start hitting herself and causing uproar. My muscles would get tense, probably due to the adrenaline, and tears would be trickling down my cheeks because I thought they would separate(even though divorce is really rare in our type of culture).

Im inquisitive to know if this did lead to my depression, or was it the other factors in my life responsible for that. At the end of the day, I was just a child. Im sure fights are common as its a part of life, but it does enervate a young child emotionally.

 

[jodes2]

Oh yes. My mum often screamed at my dad for the 40 years they were together. She was a selfish bitch especially in the recent divorce. I've picked up some of my mum's temper unfortunately. I hated it. I'd play loud music to drown it out. It was horrible. She'd even throw stuff at him. Sure he can be annoying at times but she was ridiculous.

 

[goodnighttime]

Ditto. They divorced when I was 13. Mom has issues controlling her temper. Dad was struggling with alcohol at the time. I have a similar response to you, I will tense up when people start yelling, it's almost like my brain stops thinking.

 

[Unending]

I think nature of the fights have a lot to say about how it may impact a child. Of course when we look around at a world in array, it is easy to say "Well this couldn't possibly have been a major factor that caused me to develop depression because although my parents got in chaotic or violent fights, at least they didn't do Insert more extreme behavior here.
Regardless of the fact that conflict is normal when done properly, it can not be healthy for a child to see conflicts that are conducted in an ever-escalating manner. I recall very frequent emotionally charged fights from when I was little that I would go as far as to get in between my parents while they screamed and attempt to speak over them "Guys! Please stop fighting!" This happened constantly and the fact that I think about it to this day, so many years later, leads me to believe that this did in fact contribute to my overall indefinitely damaged state. I suppose the only question that remains is how much did this contribute. I don't know if you relate to any of this but I just wanted to share some potentially parallel thoughts and experiences of mine. I empathize with the experiences that you've had and am so sorry that you've had this issue on your metaphorical plate.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

They've now mellowed out in their old age but the damage has already been done. Growing up they were easily angered. Before Dad was on his meds, he was like Jekyll and Heide - and mom was a controlling, and dominating woman. So they were frequently bumping heads. Sometimes I wish I would've kept a diary to document all this, but sadly a good majority of it is buried deep in my subconscious. I know it happened though.

And it's telling that the scariest dream I ever had was from my childhood. A pure black dreamless dream, when all of a sudden I hear my mom's piercing voice screaming for me at the top of her lungs. I woke up asking "what? what?" but she was asleep. Whenever I wasn't at their beck and call, I'd get screamed at. There was a lot of psychological warfare going on in that house. It was odd because they'd shower me with gifts, yet they'd act that way. It's confusing, was I loved or hated? I could never tell.

 

[Seiko]

Abso-fucking-lutely. The next time my parents fight, I'm literally going to a hotel and spend however many nights I need until it's "safe" to come back home. I don't think I deserve to be locked down in my room, hearing all the yelling with adrenaline and fear spiked that something would happen.

 

[purplehearted]

I grew up in a similar way, i've had 3 stepfathers throughout my life and every one has been abusive towards my mum and me. It definitely has affected me, i'm constantly anxious and feel like i'm in fight flight, or freeze mode. If anyone confronts me or even slightly raises their voice i get terrified and just shut down. My therapist said our ways of coping emotionally when living in an abusive household as a child do continue into adulthood which can cause depression. So i think you're right in thinking that it's a contributing factor.