Anyone else suffer from anhedonia?

[mrtime87]

For 6 months I've lost almost all interest in life activities. I lay in bed and think about ending my life, and haven't laughed in a long time.

For some background information, I suffer from bipolar disorder and at 37 years old had to move back with my mother.

I'm on disability in the US but don't qualify for an apartment due to a criminal background.

I'll probably be going back to the local homeless shelter by winter but don't even have plans on getting my own place.

The internet doesn't even provide joy anymore.

Just curious if anyone else has gone thru this extreme lack of joy.

 

[fallingtopieces]

Yes, definitely. Varying degrees and periods. When my depression is bad just about any distractions don't work. Everything just reminds me of something else or I deconstruct it and it loses its ability to entertain.

 

[sorrowful]

Yes, it's like I am constantly exhausted. I don't want to be around anyone, and it feels like I can barely even move my limbs. If I have something I need to do, I'll sit there and stare at it for ages before I can even get started on it. Feels like I lost every ability to feel pleasure. Complete emptiness and boredom.

 

[mrtime87]

I get embarrassed about all the dumb things I've ever done in my life and just say I want to die

I know we're supposed to change and grow, especially as a Christian, but deep down I know I missed my opportunity to become a better person.

It's this failure that leaves me so despondent. I messed up with my health in my 20s and now can't change the outcome.

Back then I was am education major and couldn't handle the hypocricy of acting like a compete ass at a job I had while trying to be a role model for students as a student teacher. I ended up crumbling and dropping out.

What hiets is that instead of making a vow to change who I was I simply kept getting job after job but making the same mistake.. neglecting my health and pretending everything would be fine.

That was at 31 years old, back in 2007, but at 38 years old Ive run out of family members to live with and have to stay at a homeless shelter again with no idea of where I can go die to criminal background.

I just feel hopeless about all of this because of what could have been prevented if I just listened to jg parents and teachers. Sadly listening is something I struggle with. I don't know why but I get these thought processes I use to to justify not taking care of myself or my health, and now that my health is deteriorating, simply resort to "I'll just kill myself to get out of this."

Sadly, the girl reality is I cannot commit suicide. I cannot buy a gun, cannot endure a full suspension hanging, and cannot bring myself to laying on the railroad tracks to get beheaded.

I'll have to suffer from my mistakes in my 20s and hopefully not end up with n the streets in Ohio where I can die from hypothermia


Last week winter I got kicked out of the shelter and had to get it mom to let me stay with her, but now she is moving from a trailer to an apartment and the ll have to go back to the shelter or simply die in the streets.

And sadly, I cannot kill myself to get out of this fate. There's simply no way I can think of.

 

[sugarb]

For 6 months I've lost almost all interest in life activities. I lay in bed and think about ending my life, and haven't laughed in a long time.

For some background information, I suffer from bipolar disorder and at 37 years old had to move back with my mother.

I'm on disability in the US but don't qualify for an apartment due to a criminal background.

I'll probably be going back to the local homeless shelter by winter but don't even have plans on getting my own place.

The internet doesn't even provide joy anymore.

Just curious if anyone else has gone thru this extreme lack of joy.

I'm not sure if it's quite the same thing since I do feel joy but in a very 2-dimensional surface-level way, but yes, it sucks. It extends to basically all my emotions and it feels like I'm piloting a semi autonomous machine and the machine is experiencing the emotion

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I have anhedonia. Nothing interests me. I think I've always been like this though

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence was never something positive to me in the first place, for me it's always been such a futile and torturous burden, I have no interest in suffering in this cruel and painful existence where there is endless potential to be tormented, I see nothing desirable about existing as a conscious being trapped in this pointless existence for decades just to die slowly and painfully from old age. For me no matter what existence will always be the problem, I simply don't wish to experience anything, I only find comfort in death.