Venting Anyone else stuck?

[lovemelovemenot]

I was so sure of my decision to ctb a few weeks ago, but lately I've been doubting things. It's like a constant back and forth in my head. Sometimes I want to post-pone it further to look into more help and options before I finally go out, but hours later I get reminded of things and end up feeling like I couldn't stick around for a month more. I feel like medications or any coping mechanisms would just be a temporary distraction from underlying issues even the strongest medicine couldn't help. Then I'd just end up back here eventually.

Something just keeps telling me that's how things will end up for me. Heh it's funny, I've never had a calling for anything in life, but suicide seems to be the one thing that's stuck with me since I was young.

 

[SinisterKid]

My partner, who I know means well, keeps laying this guilt trip on me and its creating a lot of doubt in my mind. I understand her point and I hate the thought of my demise hurting someone who is innocent. But I also have myself to think about in this whole sorry episode.

 

[Rollinggirl]

Yeah same, i am postponing it seeing if my life will get any better...maybe wait till next year when the house gets officially settled, and see how I feel then...in the meantime, I can research more on the methods, if when the house gets settled, I still feel like catching the bus, by the time I would have gotten all the materials ready for ctb

 

[Sever]

So fucking same. Had a date set, everything was ready but was too coward to actually did it. Now I'm just laying in bed for days hoping i'll have an impulse and do it in the nearest future.

 

[Rollinggirl]

So fucking same. Had a date set, everything was ready but was too coward to actually did it. Now I'm just laying in bed for days hoping i'll have an impulse and do it in the nearest future.

I just sleep for 10 hours or more everyday nowadays...or I just don't sleep much because I don't look forward to life and there is no reason for me to wake up

 

[Susan Caswell]

I was so sure of my decision to ctb a few weeks ago, but lately I've been doubting things. It's like a constant back and forth in my head. Sometimes I want to post-pone it further to look into more help and options before I finally go out, but hours later I get reminded of things and end up feeling like I couldn't stick around for a month more. I feel like medications or any coping mechanisms would just be a temporary distraction from underlying issues even the strongest medicine couldn't help. Then I'd just end up back here eventually.

Something just keeps telling me that's how things will end up for me. Heh it's funny, I've never had a calling for anything in life, but suicide seems to be the one thing that's stuck with me since I was young.

I would never ever have contemplated such a thing if it wernt for deafening roaring hammering tinnitus so loud I cant hear anything else and made me so ill its crippling cant eat cant function cant sleep 2 years tried so hard to live with it but I cant live this way its dementing cruel I was so very healthy and happy with a lovely life I don't even know whats causing this extreme hyperacusis cant stand any normal noises sounds everything is deafening a human being cant live with this 24/7 we need to b quiet rest live well sleep ive got to get going but terrified I can take this another night another day its horrific I can take a lot but I cant take this I had so much to still do live for plans came from nowhere went to bed normal calm content person woke up to all hell let loose

 

[LaBrava]

I think a lot of people here are stuck in this way, not really wanting to go but not wanting to continue if it means continuing to suffer.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I read the title as anyone else suck.... I was like hands up!

Me bad...**Puts down the rum

Yea I'm stuck, want to CTB, know how to do it and were, but damn im being watched like a hawke

 

[Saga]

ive tried a lot of times but something always hold me back...but lately the signs are showing that my time will be up soon

hopefully this time it works

 

[bath salts]

I've tried to distract myself for the past year. Decided living unhappily for the rest of my life is not something I want to do. If it happens, it happens. Still planning for when the day comes lol