Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Visionary
Sep 9, 2018
2,982
This is torture. Every day I get up and have to hold back nausea, and deal with fatigue, pain, dizziness, etc. All day every day, for years now. At least it helps me feel more justified if I ctb. I goof around on SS a bit, but it's just a front for my pain. There is no God that would do this to someone they supposedly love.
 
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wiIIow

wiIIow

Arcanist
Sep 22, 2018
458
yep. not sure why, i gave up with doctors after years of not being taken seriously, since I'm just a silly hysterical 20-something year old female. so I just suffer

mornings are the worst, especially for nausea. I feel close to fainting most of the time, can't even sing in the shower cause it will make me pass out, have come close in the car too. I'm in constant pain, I'm always tired

do you have a diagnosis?
 
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Moony21

Moony21

Experienced
Nov 23, 2018
273
This is torture. Every day I get up and have to hold back nausea, and deal with fatigue, pain, dizziness, etc. All day every day, for years now. At least it helps me feel more justified if I ctb. I goof around on SS a bit, but it's just a front for my pain. There is no God that would do this to someone they supposedly love.
You bring it to the point. I feel like you with these symptoms every day. Some days it gets a bit better and sometimes I'm sitting home crying because it's so tiring and you lose hope for recovery. I wish you a lot of strengh.
 
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Moony21

Moony21

Experienced
Nov 23, 2018
273
yep. not sure why, i gave up with doctors after years of not being taken seriously, since I'm just a silly hysterical 20-something year old female. so I just suffer

mornings are the worst, especially for nausea. I feel close to fainting most of the time, can't even sing in the shower cause it will make me pass out, have come close in the car too. I'm in constant pain, I'm always tired

do you have a diagnosis?

with me everything is always pushed to the psyche. Since I had to operate half the thyroid, I feel very badly mentally and physically. In January, when I had a riding accident and landed on the emergency room, I heard the doctors in the hospital behind my back saying I was a hychochonder ...
 
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wiIIow

wiIIow

Arcanist
Sep 22, 2018
458
with me everything is always pushed to the psyche. Since I had to operate half the thyroid, I feel very badly mentally and physically. In January, when I had a riding accident and landed on the emergency room, I heard the doctors in the hospital behind my back saying I was a hychochonder ...

I am so sorry about your misfortune and suffering. fuck doctors like that, ignorant pieces of shit. I've had terrible experiences with those types, and it has ruined my life, both in the physical and mental sense. it's frustrating to say the least, you know your body and when something is wrong with it.

seems a history of mental illness also hasnt helped my case. now I'm a ~crazy~ hysterical female. See?
 
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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Visionary
Sep 9, 2018
2,982
yep. not sure why, i gave up with doctors after years of not being taken seriously, since I'm just a silly hysterical 20-something year old female. so I just suffer

mornings are the worst, especially for nausea. I feel close to fainting most of the time, can't even sing in the shower cause it will make me pass out, have come close in the car too. I'm in constant pain, I'm always tired

do you have a diagnosis?
The "professionals" never take me seriously. I am a big healthy looking dude where you just wouldn't see it on the outside. They bounce me around from neurology, psychiatry, cardiology, you name it, and still no diagnosis. It's totally laughable. I've racked up $25k worth of medical debt. My phone is ringing off the hook from debt collectors and all I have to show for it is a $9 bottle of antidepressants they put me on when they didn't know what to tell me. Now they won't even refill that, because I've been on them for years and now they're acting like I'm a pill junkie when I say I need the prescription refilled to not suffer the terrible withdrawal symptoms whenever I run out of meds. It really is true when they say life is a laugh and death is the final joke. It just totally takes the piss.
 
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wiIIow

wiIIow

Arcanist
Sep 22, 2018
458
The "professionals" never take me seriously. I am a big healthy looking dude where you just wouldn't see it on the outside. They bounce me around from neurology, psychiatry, cardiology, you name it, and still no diagnosis. It's totally laughable. I've racked up $25k worth of medical debt. My phone is ringing off the hook from debt collectors and all I have to show for it is a $9 bottle of antidepressants they put me on when they didn't know what to tell me. Now they won't even refill that, because I've been on them for years and now they're acting like I'm a pill junkie when I say I need the prescription refilled to not suffer the terrible withdrawal symptoms whenever I run out of meds. It really is true when they say life is a laugh and death is the final joke. It just totally takes the piss.
that's really terrible, and highly relatable. what a truly awful world this is
 
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wiIIow

wiIIow

Arcanist
Sep 22, 2018
458
what do you do? where do you turn when the professionals let you down again and again? this is one of so many reasons i feel i have no options. being ill, i feel I'm just set up for failure and that's that. the game is rigged against us
 
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Moony21

Moony21

Experienced
Nov 23, 2018
273
I am so sorry about your misfortune and suffering. fuck doctors like that, ignorant pieces of shit. I've had terrible experiences with those types, and it has ruined my life, both in the physical and mental sense. it's frustrating to say the least, you know your body and when something is wrong with it.

seems a history of mental illness also hasnt helped my case. now I'm a ~crazy~ hysterical female. See?

yes we suffer from "hysteria" no?;) I have a new health insurance in January and hope to come in this way directly to specialists. but what do I expect after all?

did you have many investigations?

my father died of a brain tumor and my mother has black skin cancer in the terminal stadium. I'm waiting for it, if I should get cancer, to send these doctors my medical reports and a nice "thank you for nothing"...
 
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Moony21

Moony21

Experienced
Nov 23, 2018
273
The "professionals" never take me seriously. I am a big healthy looking dude where you just wouldn't see it on the outside. They bounce me around from neurology, psychiatry, cardiology, you name it, and still no diagnosis. It's totally laughable. I've racked up $25k worth of medical debt. My phone is ringing off the hook from debt collectors and all I have to show for it is a $9 bottle of antidepressants they put me on when they didn't know what to tell me. Now they won't even refill that, because I've been on them for years and now they're acting like I'm a pill junkie when I say I need the prescription refilled to not suffer the terrible withdrawal symptoms whenever I run out of meds. It really is true when they say life is a laugh and death is the final joke. It just totally takes the piss.

I'm so sorry! You are so right...
Where do you live? that's terrible that they treat you that way. If you do not find anything, you are simply hysterical and resilient. this fucking society. I work in an emergency and they are all treated and clarified dearly and us "without diagnosis" they do not help ...
 
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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Visionary
Sep 9, 2018
2,982
I'm so sorry! You are so right...
Where do you live? that's terrible that they treat you that way. If you do not find anything, you are simply hysterical and resilient. this fucking society. I work in an emergency and they are all treated and clarified dearly and us "without diagnosis" they do not help ...
I'm in the southeastern US. And you're right. What I hate most about society is that it just doesn't care to help people on a practical level. There are so many millions of people who are lost, hurting, sick, broke, in despair, and those pulling the strings just don't care.

Instead, we are made to focus on broad theoreticals. Some garbage Trump tweeted, or some moral issue on Facebook that isn't that big of a deal. And all the while it's getting harder and harder to survive in the real world. Just look how many young people on here are suicidal and lost. Everything in life is a scam, and it will take you for everything you've got if you're not hypervigilant. I'm not cut out for any of this.
 
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wiIIow

wiIIow

Arcanist
Sep 22, 2018
458
I'm in the southeastern US. And you're right. What I hate most about society is that it just doesn't care to help people on a practical level. There are so many millions of people who are lost, hurting, sick, broke, in despair, and those pulling the strings just don't care.

Instead, we are made to focus on broad theoreticals. Some garbage Trump tweeted, or some moral issue on Facebook that isn't that big of a deal. And all the while it's getting harder and harder to survive in the real world. Just look how many young people on here are suicidal and lost. Everything in life is a scam, and it will take you for everything you've got if you're not hypervigilant. I'm not cut out for any of this.

hit the nail on the head. it's all so sad and discouraging. even worse, much of the older generations don't seem to understand how much things have changed, and how rigged the system is. younger people branded as simply lazy and stupid, with the expectation that one can simply work hard and achieve anything if they want. stagnating wages, inflated cost of essentials for living, a lifetime of debt as punishment for daring to better yourself. It's like the dangling carrot in front of your face, out of reach no matter how fast you run. it's all so fucked. and that's not even taking account any potential health problems that further screw you in this system
 
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Aesthler

Aesthler

Death is the only God who comes when you call
Sep 25, 2018
416
Oh yeah, headaches, nausea, gastrointestinal troubles, constant cough with the occasional phlegm and musculoskeletal pain. I only wish I was close to being on my death bed.
 
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I

iiii5555

Student
Sep 12, 2018
121
In an world where our civilization evolved so fast and so linearly, and where we get so little autonomy, it is more "normal" to be feeling that way than you could imagine. This mass society considers "wellness" only what helps it propagate itself, and that is just possible through the indocrination and domestication of little kids since a early age. We feel repressed, lonely, and hopeless, all that because our lives are being controled by some remote social structure that only see us as numbers. Some of the older people can't understand it because they helped to build this sick system, they wasn't the ones being treated as zoo animals by it all their lives. Hominids aren't used to see this poorly maladapted, vertical civilization as their "default" mode of existence, this is all abrupt to us on a biological and psychological level. They try to remedy this with antidepressants and by setting artificial goals for us through propaganda, but they don't care if we kill ourselves or if we grow up to be just barely functional.
 
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wanttodie

wanttodie

Enlightened
Apr 19, 2018
1,804
yes sick of life
 
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Jodes

Jodes

Enlightened
Nov 23, 2018
1,261
Me, 24/7? not atm, but i was for enough time to know I wont go back to that level. Seeing no end to it, .... I cannot imagine. I'm glad to have had your company, goofing around or not. When I had migraines, eczema etc I was an asshole!!! My outbursts were so bad I had to move into isolation from family. But I did need it. I was apologising every 10 minutes.... after realising i'd just flipped at someone
The "professionals" never take me seriously. I am a big healthy looking dude where you just wouldn't see it on the outside. They bounce me around from neurology, psychiatry, cardiology, you name it, and still no diagnosis. It's totally laughable. I've racked up $25k worth of medical debt. My phone is ringing off the hook from debt collectors and all I have to show for it is a $9 bottle of antidepressants they put me on when they didn't know what to tell me. Now they won't even refill that, because I've been on them for years and now they're acting like I'm a pill junkie when I say I need the prescription refilled to not suffer the terrible withdrawal symptoms whenever I run out of meds. It really is true when they say life is a laugh and death is the final joke. It just totally takes the piss.
Insane. I'm so sorry - awful
 
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Fucking loving it

Fucking loving it

Specialist
Sep 3, 2018
378
Migraines. Chronic back pain. Fatigue. Losing hair. GI issues.
I don't have to pay anything thing for my inurance tho.
In the past I had about $20,000 in medical bills.
 
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D

dumbfarang

Member
Dec 13, 2018
45
yup im with you guys here. i've been extremely fucked up for a year and a half, it's like ive been living in a bad trip. i finally got a diagnosis of mercury poisoning but it's too late as there's no good way of getting mercury out of the body. and the worst thing is about this is that it wont kill you it will just disable you
 
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Kdawg2018

Kdawg2018

Still here...
Nov 10, 2018
272
Yes, I am sick 24/7. The society is ill and it is affecting me. I also have nausea, low energy, eating disorder, it's disgusting. Not to mention as I am ageing I am getting more disgusted with this human body. I forget to eat or eat too much, it's hard to remember to eat. I keep having panic attacks. I want to take control of my life by catching the bus on my terms. I'm driving the bus. Not society. I'm emotionally damaged and all I can do is watch videos of other people or youtube news videos and it's disgusting. I can't even function to get a job and I feel as though the robots are coming for the jobs anyways...I refuse to be a slave to the system.
 
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Thoughtforms

Thoughtforms

Experienced
Nov 1, 2018
220
This is torture. Every day I get up and have to hold back nausea, and deal with fatigue, pain, dizziness, etc. All day every day, for years now. At least it helps me feel more justified if I ctb. I goof around on SS a bit, but it's just a front for my pain. There is no God that would do this to someone they supposedly love.
I had all of this apart from the pain everyday for 3 years. Constant dizziness and nausea, even in my sleep. Couldn't leave the house.

First they thought it was inner ear problems / vestibular.

It was actually a rare type of migraine called MAV... which is weird because I don't get headaches and it wasn't episodic. To see if it was migraine I did the migraine diet (was easy because I was too sick to eat) and my symptoms lowered drastically.

Not trying to diagnose you but just in case..! I know the frustration - I basically had to diagnose myself and then refer myself to the correct specialist who confirmed I was right. I will never ever entirely put my health in processionals.
 
Last edited:
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ReadyasEver

ReadyasEver

Elementalist
Dec 6, 2018
828
I am sick 24/7. Right now, I'm having a good run at feeling pretty decent with some changes. But, that can not last forever.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
I feel like shit almost 24/7. Sometimes I feel normal though. So my case is different.
 
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Xerxes

Xerxes

Invisible
Nov 8, 2018
936
I wake up with a respiratory problems and then it gets better as the day progresses. I can't eat breakfast normally without being nauseated.
 
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divinized

divinized

Member
Nov 26, 2018
84
Yep. I frequently have nausea/gastrointestinal problems. It sucks complete ass. I developed them earlier this year and I feel like I'm getting worse the longer people keep telling me it's just fucking anxiety.
 
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M

MsM3talGamer

Voluntary deletion
Nov 28, 2018
1,504
I've just puked up all my dinner so yeah I often feel nauseous.
 
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L

Lefty

Mage
Dec 7, 2018
530
Does mental illness count? I don't feel physically sick all the time, but I always have to deal with mental illness.
 
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Bread

Bread

Avoid if allergic to gluten
Dec 1, 2018
80
Definitely. I got sick at 13 with a chronic flu like illness and it took years to get a diagnosis because no doctor would take a young, healthy looking person seriously. Even after I did get diagnosed it wasn't much help because there's no proven treatment for the disease. I still have it today and am too weak to lead anything resembling a normal life. That's one of the reasons I'd like to ctb so I'm not a parasite sucking away my parents hard earned money for years on end.
 
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Fucking loving it

Fucking loving it

Specialist
Sep 3, 2018
378
I'm sick right now with a virus. I have a large sore on the back of my throat. I have a constant fever. Now it's turned into a sinus infection. I think it has to do with my eating disorder. My immunity is shit. FUUUUUUUUCK
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
what do you do? where do you turn when the professionals let you down again and again? this is one of so many reasons i feel i have no options. being ill, i feel I'm just set up for failure and that's that. the game is rigged against us
You self destruct and ctb lol! Or u just attempt to deal with your life as it is. Be greatful you don't live in a more violent less civilized third world type culture. It isn't as it should be but it could certainly be worse.
 
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L

Life sucks

Visionary
Apr 18, 2018
2,134
Pain and tiredness 24/7 for 10+ years. Previously, I had periods of absurdly insane unbearable amount of pain in everywhere in my body. It was unimaginable and I could describe it as being near to death. But when I went for diagnosis, everyone told me you have nothing. What a fucking joke.


Now lets return to actual sickness, I get flu and some small body problems all the time but the problem is pairing with mental illness and being 100x worse.
 
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