Anyone else refusing to "enjoy their last moments"?

[imontheloose]

Honestly, my biggest worry would be that I spend all my savings on a trip/holiday which then gives me just the right zip zaps that encourage me to not end my life. What do I do then? It's a horrific place to be in.

 

[xXSufferingXx]

good point lol

 

[tonicer]

Hmm good thought. My plan is to take whatever i inherit from my parents and travel to some place i always wanted to go and spend it all there and end it with a jump of a skyscraper.

 

[_wishforwings]

Honestly, my biggest worry would be that I spend all my savings on a trip/holiday which then gives me just the right zip zaps that encourage me to not end my life. What do I do then? It's a horrific place to be in.

Not wanting to spend my money on a big "trip" or anything like that either because I want my little amount of money left to go to my mom, but maybe you can do small things to treat yourself at least like maybe going out to eat somewhere or something? Also maybe finding new music or games/hobbies is what I plan to do with a lot of my time left, but i've always been pretty mundane

 

[imontheloose]

Hmm good thought. My plan is to take whatever i inherit from my parents and travel to some place i always wanted to go and spend it all there and end it with a jump of a skyscraper.

You see, this is what worries me. It sounds like a rightful send off, right? I just really do feel like I, in particular, would be flooded with the right electric impulses to make me rethink it all and by the time one does that, the chances of their bus riding without them grows awfully large.

Not wanting to spend my money on a big "trip" or anything like that either because I want my little amount of money left to go to my mom, but maybe you can do small things to treat yourself at least like maybe going out to eat somewhere or something? Also maybe finding new music or games/hobbies is what I plan to do with a lot of my time left, but i've always been pretty mundane

I think I'll have a few of my favourite cigs, Marlboro Gold 100s and a nice warm glass of whisky as I read partly, or fully, a book of mine. My life is monotonous and I feel it to be only right I die in similar fashion. I at least find honour in my suicide, the philosophy of quitting whilst I'm ahead (in my 20s; the consensus of peak life).

I wish you both peace in whatever you choose to do. You're lovely people.

 

[madwoman]

good point lol

This made me laugh bc my first thought was "oh fuck" they are right…

To answer: I have been trying to isolate from most people bc of this, I don't want anyone to make me want to stay. But I do have a bucket list and just planned a mini trip (nothing extravagant) but it better not revive me lol. But I guess I'm thinking of it all as giving closure and being at peace near the end and just saying goodbye to things. But before this, I had a much more ambitious bucket list of traveling to cool places and skydiving - but I've lost any excitement for any of that. So my life is simple. And I've just been looking back at my life and being like, I did enough. But I still want to feel more peace and enjoy my final moments, until I'm really close than I need to be in a dark place so I can end it.

 

[imontheloose]

This made me laugh bc my first thought was "oh fuck" they are right…

To answer: I have been trying to isolate from most people bc of this, I don't want anyone to make me want to stay. But I do have a bucket list and just planned a mini trip (nothing extravagant) but it better not revive me lol. But I guess I'm thinking of it all as giving closure and being at peace near the end and just saying goodbye to things. But before this, I had a much more ambitious bucket list of traveling to cool places and skydiving - but I've lost any excitement for any of that. So my life is simple. And I've just been looking back at my life and being like, I did enough. But I still want to feel more peace and enjoy my final moments, until I'm really close than I need to be in a dark place so I can end it.

Lol.

Yeah, small trips are probably the most sensible way to go about this. If it encourages you to persist then at least you're not flat broke and had a nice trip. Can you imagine spending every penny you have as a final fuck-you and then the fuck-you smacks you right back? Nightmare fuel.

 

[madwoman]

Lol.

Yeah, small trips are probably the most sensible way to go about this. If it encourages you to persist then at least you're not flat broke and had a nice trip. Can you imagine spending every penny you have as a final fuck-you and then the fuck-you smacks you right back? Nightmare fuel.

lol yeah I am also preparing for a failure as I'm tidying up my affairs, not trying to blow my life up completely although lol I guess that's the point

 

[stripey]

I've had the exact same thought before
If I were to spend all my money before committing...
I'd probably get too happy and back out

I think the most I could do to enjoy my final moments...
Is order food from a good (and inexpensive) restaurant

 

[urgent]

This made me laugh bc my first thought was "oh fuck" they are right…

To answer: I have been trying to isolate from most people bc of this, I don't want anyone to make me want to stay. But I do have a bucket list and just planned a mini trip (nothing extravagant) but it better not revive me lol. But I guess I'm thinking of it all as giving closure and being at peace near the end and just saying goodbye to things. But before this, I had a much more ambitious bucket list of traveling to cool places and skydiving - but I've lost any excitement for any of that. So my life is simple. And I've just been looking back at my life and being like, I did enough. But I still want to feel more peace and enjoy my final moments, until I'm really close than I need to be in a dark place so I can end it.

I've isolation too. I'm in to much pain, I don't want anyone to see me like this. I answer phone or texts from a few people. I can't get a method, or much privacy. All day I try to find a quick way or someone I could have pick me up and go to hotel to ctb with

 

[madwoman]

I've isolation too. I'm in to much pain, I don't want anyone to see me like this. I answer phone or texts from a few people. I can't get a method, or much privacy. All day I try to find a quick way or someone I could have pick me up and go to hotel to ctb with

Sending love, I'm sorry for your pain

 

[urgent]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I just have to find a way to stop the suffering.

 

[BPDvic]

Honestly, my biggest worry would be that I spend all my savings on a trip/holiday which then gives me just the right zip zaps that encourage me to not end my life. What do I do then? It's a horrific place to be in.

Not only that, I will end up with no saving money for a rainy day

 

[imontheloose]

Not only that, I will end up with no saving money for a rainy day

Yeah, the point is that you now have the dilemma of wanting to live but having no money left.

 

[Fresh Soju]

Honestly, my biggest worry would be that I spend all my savings on a trip/holiday which then gives me just the right zip zaps that encourage me to not end my life. What do I do then? It's a horrific place to be in.

I've thought about this scenario a lot, haha. But that's why I always tell myself that wherever I'd go would be a one way trip, and best case I'd maybe find a new life wherever I'd end up?

 

[imontheloose]

I've thought about this scenario a lot, haha. But that's why I always tell myself that wherever I'd go would be a one way trip, and best case I'd maybe find a new life wherever I'd end up?

Too many possibilities, isn't there? A new life is a huge jump too. I think it's likely best that one picks a small trip or none at all. To each their own, however.