Anyone else only attracted to extremely violet ctb methods

[EternalDaydreaming]

Is anyone else attracted to only violet ctb methods like jumping, hit by train, full suspension hanging, run over via car. I only want I violet ctb and I don't know why. Is this normal or am I just a freak.

 

[kipa]

They are not majority but there is a fair amount of them on this forum. There is also difference between wanting violent death vs a painful death, not sure you are which. Anyway, here are some reasons I can think of.

Some think violent methods are more effective. Some do it as a punishment to themselves, thinking they do not deserve a peaceful death. Some do it as a revenge to their closed ones. Some want to leave a mark in the world by making a scene. Some simply enjoy gore. You will just have to figure out your motives on your own.

 

[Kirov]

I like to think about having my body gruesomely displayed out for everyone to see.

 

[Arachno]

I am but I don't have the courage to do any of these, even though they are the only ones that are available to me rn.

 

[Valky]

I am sorry if this is insensitive but the term 'violet' in this is amusing to me.

And also yes, I think that is pretty normal. I guess many people sadly believe that they deserve to get punished and feel pain, even in their last moments. Of course, this is not the only reason some prefer a violent method but I guess it is one of the main ones :)

 

[jorheslen428]

Considered it for a bit when I was more angry and bitter as a way of making a statement, but ultimately I care more about having a peaceful transition.

 

[piercedheart]

I fully agree. First post here but yeah. I am a Mortician by trade (ironic i know)and seeing so many people die from diseases and age i just you know. Wanna go out with a bang.

But then another side of me doesn't wanna traumatise innocent people.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I once built a guillotine using a carbon steel machete blade, some industrial roller bearing tracks, and two 15 pound barbell weights.
I never found the balls to use it though and dismantled it

 

[piercedheart]

I once built a guillotine using a carbon steel machete blade, some industrial roller bearing tracks, and two 15 pound barbell weights.
I never found the balls to use it though and dismantled it

Impressive. Furthest I got was holding a scalpel to my throat with trembling hands. But then I thought of my pets and just.. went home and here we are.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Impressive. Furthest I got was holding a scalpel to my throat with trembling hands. But then I thought of my pets and just.. went home and here we are.

Survival instinct is a real adversary.
Glad you went home to your pets: they need you.

 

[piercedheart]

Survival instinct is a real adversary.
Glad you went home to your pets: they need you.

Yeah. I'd never leave my pets to suffer for me. It wasn't really survivor instinct. I don't desire it because of depression or anything but genuine excitement, what it's like and what if anything comes after. Mainly apathetic towards everything else, life just feels empty so there is only 1 thing left but yeah.. can't leave my pets.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Yeah. I'd never leave my pets to suffer for me. It wasn't really survivor instinct. I don't desire it because of depression or anything but genuine excitement, what it's like and what if anything comes after. Mainly apathetic towards everything else, life just feels empty so there is only 1 thing left but yeah.. can't leave my pets.

I suffer from Anhedonia and existential crisis.
Nothing gives me any real pleasure anymore, and I also view this existence as pointless and meaningless.
I used to go skydiving a few years ago. I'm thinking of getting back into it, just to see if it gives me that rush again.
Maybe I'll just decide to say fuck it on my way down and just cut away my chutes. Death by free fall.

 

[piercedheart]

I suffer from Anhedonia and existential crisis.
Nothing gives me any real pleasure anymore, and I also view this existence as pointless and meaningless.
I used to go skydiving a few years ago. I'm thinking of getting back into it, just to see if it gives me that rush again.
Maybe I'll just decide to say fuck it on my way down and just cut away my chutes. Death by free fall.

Its oddly satisfying to hear of someone feeling similar. Im in the same boat. I don't actively want too but I also do.. but as a spur of the moment go with a bang sort of thing if that makes sense.

 

[Vizzy]

Its oddly satisfying to hear of someone feeling similar. Im in the same boat. I don't actively want too but I also do.. but as a spur of the moment go with a bang sort of thing if that makes sense.

As a mortician, is ctb not easy for you?

 

[The anhedonic one]

Its oddly satisfying to hear of someone feeling similar. Im in the same boat. I don't actively want too but I also do.. but as a spur of the moment go with a bang sort of thing if that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense. I have that impulse too.
I am also fearful of there being something after we die. Yet I also find the idea of the actual act of dying to be exciting. It's like the ultimate rush, a real wild ride.
That probably sounds fucked-up to some people, but hey, I'm a mentally ill, suicidal kind of guy, so what do they expect ?

 

[piercedheart]

As a mortician, is ctb not easy for you?

It is but it being hard was never my point, silly.

Yes, it makes sense. I have that impulse too.
I am also fearful of there being something after we die. Yet I also find the idea of the actual act of dying to be exciting. It's like the ultimate rush, a real wild ride.
That probably sounds fucked-up to some people, but hey, I'm a mentally ill, suicidal kind of guy, so what do they expect ?

We all are here it seems, heh.

 

[Vizzy]

It is but it being hard was never my point, silly.

We all are here it seems, heh.

I guess you can get everything necessary to do ctb without pain right ?

 

[piercedheart]

I guess you can get everything necessary to do ctb without pain right ?

Not really? Morticians don't exactly got stuff around that is ment to kill you, it ofcourse can but as its not intended to be it won't be great. But I would want there to be pain but I feel like you've missed my previous posts on my situation. I am not lacking options.

 

[gurowuro]

Is anyone else attracted to only violet ctb methods like jumping, hit by train, full suspension hanging, run over via car. I only want I violet ctb and I don't know why. Is this normal or am I just a freak.

id say youre not a freak but normal people would probably say so

 

[Vizzy]

Not really? Morticians don't exactly got stuff around that is ment to kill you, it ofcourse can but as its not intended to be it won't be great. But I would want there to be pain but I feel like you've missed my previous posts on my situation. I am not lacking options.

Aww I see you wanna go with a bang

You can try this, take cyanide experience all the pain before going to unconscious shoot yourself with a high power shotgun!

You can put your head on the railroad so the train can slice your head like a butter, don't worry about the clean up that is done by professionals

 

[piercedheart]

Aww I see you wanna go with a bang

You can try this, take cyanide experience all the pain before going to unconscious shoot yourself with a high power shotgun!

Getting a gun in my country is a 2 year long process.

 

[Vizzy]

Getting a gun in my country is a 2 year long process.

You can put your head on the railroad so the train can slice your head like a butter, don't worry about the clean up that is done by professionals

2 years ain't that bad, you can start the process now

 

[LostCauseLooknToCTB]

They are not majority but there is a fair amount of them on this forum. There is also difference between wanting violent death vs a painful death, not sure you are which. Anyway, here are some reasons I can think of.

Some think violent methods are more effective. Some do it as a punishment to themselves, thinking they do not deserve a peaceful death. Some do it as a revenge to their closed ones. Some want to leave a mark in the world by making a scene. Some simply enjoy gore. You will just have to figure out your motives on your own.

Some just know that other methods are going to be too hard to get.

 

[piercedheart]

You can put your head on the railroad so the train can slice your head like a butter, don't worry about the clean up that is done by professionals

2 years ain't that bad, you can start the process now

A knife to the throat always excited me. Covering the room in blood. Train feels too quick. Im honestly just waiting for my doggo to pass of old age before I go through. I assume it won't be long, he is an old boyo. To own a gun here is more thrn just waiting 2 years, its a massive process. Traveling to US and finding a partner is honestly faster which has been on my mind since I joined.

 

[Vizzy]

A knife to the throat always excited me. Covering the room in blood. Train feels too quick. Im honestly just waiting for my doggo to pass of old age before I go through. I assume it won't be long, he is an old boyo. To own a gun here is more thrn just waiting 2 years, its a massive process. Traveling to US and finding a partner is honestly faster which has been on my mind since I joined.

That have legal issues, hopefully you find one

 

[illvoid]

Violent methods appealed to me a lot when I was younger and first struggling with suicidality, but I chock that up to my LiveLeak addiction at the time.

 

[axxxu]

I'd like a violent method, I always dreamed of getting beheaded by a train, cutting my wrists, or stabbing myself. However those are extremely unreliable, other than the train one which is kind of plausible.

 

[sorrowful]

my ideal method would be a gun, i have thought about slitting my throat (i doubt that will ever be something i'd do). i have fantasized of such, unsure why because i don't really want to go out in a lot of pain. my current plan is to jump off a cliff though.