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I only ever did once I got "old"...and not in a debilitating way that impacts my self worth or anything, but more just being annoyed by the decline. After always being told I looked ten years younger than I was, suddenly I feel I look every bit as old as I am. The thinning and greying hair, teeth getting wonkier and yellower, reading glasses and all that. I am just sort of like "Hmmph! Isn't this a terrible inconvenience!" more than a vanity thing. It's just another added insult to extant losses. I'm not a fan of the visual reminder in the mirror that I am aging and starting to look as bad as I have felt for so long underneath that "relatively handsome" young exterior. People always said "well you LOOK good and healthy" which annoyed me because I felt so terrible with pain and what not, but now they don't say that anymore and once again I find myself mildly annoyed by that.
Absolutely.. I wasted 11k on plastic surgery and it didn't help at all.
I’vehadenough
Elementalist
- Sep 15, 2018
- 847
coma-baby
Misanthropic Drunken Loner
- Aug 21, 2019
- 88
Ope, I'm trans too. And I'm really overweight, which doesn't help me pass as male (big tits, wide hips, fat arms - I'd trade it all for a beer gut in an instant). I'm hoping hormones will help and give me an energy/confidence boost to take esting right and exercising serious and drop at least SOME of the weight. I have an appointment on Wednesday to start my medical transition and I'm nervous. I hope HRT helps alleviate dysphoria so I can focus on getting better with depression and physical health shit. Otherwise, that's just more drive for me to CTB haha.
Edward1
Meh!
- Sep 18, 2019
- 267
I'm feel OK about the way I look. I guess I'm lucky in that respect. I used to be skinny but went to the gym for a few years, which filled me out the way I would want. Wasn't easy though.
maka
this is for you, mi cuervito 𓇢𓆸
- Apr 23, 2019
- 171
Definitely. I've been obese since I was a young child and despite my efforts to reach out for help, my parents refused to let me get any. I've resorted to starving myself since they don't buy me healthy foods, and for the most part, as a great person once said, "starving hurts but hunger works." I don't do it any more, but I've resorted to making "mug meals" to lessen my portions and eat healthier. I still hate the way I look but I'm working on it. BED is hard, but body dysmorphia is harder.
TearyEyedQueen
In the wrong timeline
- Nov 14, 2019
- 366
My physical appearance detoriated since the beggining of the worst depressive episode I've ever had, but honestly I can't even find the energy to care for that.
FohPah
Student
- Dec 7, 2019
- 146
My skeletal structure is slightly deformed and I have some muscular dystrophy. A few people have pointed it out to me. It's relatively mild, but enough to make me look "wrong".
As a teenager, I got some comments that I need to be more confident. What they meant, of course, was that I slouch. Turns out this is the natural posture for my bones. Forcing myself to stand up any straighter is really uncomfortable.
Giving up on dating helped me to stop dwelling on it so much, but I still don't like that my body is an eyesore.
As a teenager, I got some comments that I need to be more confident. What they meant, of course, was that I slouch. Turns out this is the natural posture for my bones. Forcing myself to stand up any straighter is really uncomfortable.
Giving up on dating helped me to stop dwelling on it so much, but I still don't like that my body is an eyesore.
I feel petty and small given the things other people have said. I'm just fat and ugly I suppose, but I *feel* utterly repulsive and vile and I don't like people touching me because I expect them to recoil in horror. I have terrible anxieties about being sweaty and smelling bad. I mostly wear baggy loose clothing, and I try to avoid making eye contact with myself in the mirror.
Its stupid, I have no right to feel this way - I shalnt compare how I feel to trans people in the wrong bodies or people with medical issues.
Its stupid, I have no right to feel this way - I shalnt compare how I feel to trans people in the wrong bodies or people with medical issues.
Yes, I was asking because I didn't understand your meaning. Thank you for clarifying. I meant no harm.
I definitely hate my body but I can't imagine how difficult it is to be trans. I feel for you.
Yeah. It's at the top of my reasons for planning to commit suicide. You can probably tell from my username.
surprisingly I don't hate my body it's my face that I hate. I've always felt like they're mismatched if that makes sense. I lost weight and still hate my overall appearance. If I could get endless cosmetic surgery I would. It's part of the reason I want to cbt.
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
Things said about me before I was 30: (2-4 were overheard)
1. I hired you because you are plain. We work with a lot of couples, and I know that none of the husbands will look at you.
2. Can you imagine having that for a daughter?
3. Would you have children with that?
4. I think Godzilla was tall (I am 5'2")
1. I hired you because you are plain. We work with a lot of couples, and I know that none of the husbands will look at you.
2. Can you imagine having that for a daughter?
3. Would you have children with that?
4. I think Godzilla was tall (I am 5'2")
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a.c.
dazed & awake
- Aug 29, 2019
- 6
CalmStrikeofMercy
Detatched Observer.
- Dec 8, 2019
- 79
I dislike my appearance because people have a phobia of my disfigurements and has a tendency to invite cruel people to ridicule me or harass me without provocation.
Historically speaking, people like myself are usually despised and casted out. I find people like me thrown in Irish bogs, in spartan graveyards, Nazi concentration camps, usually something evil in mixed media. Am usually hit hard by eugenics policies.
Results in having multiple defense mechanisms when entering a new territory.
"Get out of the gene pool. "
"Should have checked your mom's genetics before having children. "
"You've always been a little runt. "
"If I had it my way, I would kill everyone like you."
"Mutant."
"You deserve to be in a gas chamber."
Historically speaking, people like myself are usually despised and casted out. I find people like me thrown in Irish bogs, in spartan graveyards, Nazi concentration camps, usually something evil in mixed media. Am usually hit hard by eugenics policies.
Results in having multiple defense mechanisms when entering a new territory.
"Get out of the gene pool. "
"Should have checked your mom's genetics before having children. "
"You've always been a little runt. "
"If I had it my way, I would kill everyone like you."
"Mutant."
"You deserve to be in a gas chamber."
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I had a weird upbringing. My folks would openly mock the way I laughed, my mother told me she wished I would have never came out of her body, and anytime I got my haircut, my sperm donor would say I looked like a fuckin' nerd and poindexter(this was back in the day when using slang terms for smart was considered an insult in my HighSchool days lol). When I developed a phobia of getting my haircut, I was told I looked like a tree-hugging hippy and a pansy by my sperm donor. Got called cocksuckr a lot for the slightest mistakes, or not washing the dishes the exact same way he would do it, simple stuff like not going about things as if I was a carbon copy of him. Couldn't even mow the lawn without him breathing down my neck, unless it was cut in the same pattern he would have it cut...etc.
On the other hand I was always told I'm handsome and got hit on by some of the 'hot' girls and some guys. This didn't compute in my brain, as you kind of listen to what your family says about you and take it to heart more than your peers, at least in my case. I still look in the mirror and have body dysmorphic issues that probably will never go away; I generally don't take care of my appearance much anymore as I always look hideous to myself, even when well groomed.
When I get bursts of temporary energy and start to take care of myself better and try to venture out and find friends I'll usually get complimented on my looks randomly, but again it translates into veiled insults because I still have it in my mind that I'm ugly as sin, and see myself in the mirror that way.
It doesn't bother me so much now that I'm in my late twenties and am contemplating CTB in my near future, nothing really does as much. For a long time though it was a huge contribution to my overall depression and social phobia. I can't really tell whether emotional or physical abuse and a myriad of other shit played the biggest role in my almost non-existant self-esteem. I was also called an alcoholic as a young boy, long before I ever tried any drink or took any other drugs, so that probably set me up to feel like a scumbag too, as I still feel like an alcoholic and substance abuser, even though I don't abuse substances.
I guess if you get called an alcoholic when you're around 10 years old repeatedly when you haven't even tried alcohol, it confuses you as to what qualifies as such. I was told you don't have to pick up a drink to be an alcoholic, and it shows through in my behavior by my sperm donor, so I always wear that invisible tag, even though I drink maybe a few times a year and don't get black out drunk, just enjoy drinking different exotic beer brands, and the light buzz I get.
On the other hand I was always told I'm handsome and got hit on by some of the 'hot' girls and some guys. This didn't compute in my brain, as you kind of listen to what your family says about you and take it to heart more than your peers, at least in my case. I still look in the mirror and have body dysmorphic issues that probably will never go away; I generally don't take care of my appearance much anymore as I always look hideous to myself, even when well groomed.
When I get bursts of temporary energy and start to take care of myself better and try to venture out and find friends I'll usually get complimented on my looks randomly, but again it translates into veiled insults because I still have it in my mind that I'm ugly as sin, and see myself in the mirror that way.
It doesn't bother me so much now that I'm in my late twenties and am contemplating CTB in my near future, nothing really does as much. For a long time though it was a huge contribution to my overall depression and social phobia. I can't really tell whether emotional or physical abuse and a myriad of other shit played the biggest role in my almost non-existant self-esteem. I was also called an alcoholic as a young boy, long before I ever tried any drink or took any other drugs, so that probably set me up to feel like a scumbag too, as I still feel like an alcoholic and substance abuser, even though I don't abuse substances.
I guess if you get called an alcoholic when you're around 10 years old repeatedly when you haven't even tried alcohol, it confuses you as to what qualifies as such. I was told you don't have to pick up a drink to be an alcoholic, and it shows through in my behavior by my sperm donor, so I always wear that invisible tag, even though I drink maybe a few times a year and don't get black out drunk, just enjoy drinking different exotic beer brands, and the light buzz I get.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
I hate how much weight I've gained, but it's not my main reason for wanting to ctb
I have had very low self-esteem my whole despite being called beautiful. My supposed looks got me no where in life. I used to take so much pride in myself and wear make up, fix my hair and nice clothes now I do absolutely nothing for myself. I'm starting to feel even more self conscious but I cannot bring myself to try.
Flume
Villain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 300
Even people that look like models get insecure sometimes... not big enough muscles etc. This is something we all deal with in one way or another.
CFLoser
I fcking hate myself
- Dec 5, 2018
- 609
I use to LOVE my face. I use to be the beautiful girl everyone stared at when walking into the room. That type. Looks starting to fade. Still there but it's losing its steam. It makes you really wanna kill yourself. N trust me I always put a lot of effort in inner beauty so I never just about the outer. It didn't really matter I still cry when I think about how my face use to really look. Life is cruel
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I look ridiculous my facial features are all wrong I have a fat face and look like a 10 year old. I have big full lips which look quite feminine. I just don't understand why I look this way. I look at my parents and my siblings and they are quite good looking. I don't know where this face came from. I just got the wrong end of the stick with is the story of my life. My body I don't mind but it doesn't match my face at all. It's like I have a mans body and a child's face. Another thing is my left eyelid has dropped over the years and now when I look in the mirror my eyelids don't match. I look like a drunkard. There are so many other things wrong that I feel I need tons of plastic surgery to fix but know I'll never get it because of the cost and the fact I have aspergers. I'm just f'ed up.
BabyYoda
F*ck this sh!t I'm out
- Dec 30, 2019
- 552
The only time when I hated my appearance more was when I entered college and no one was interested in dating me. Because who the fuck would choose personality over looks? I hate this stupid hookup culture we have today
I hate my face, my body and I'm not average. I wish I had money for plastic surgery.
I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. I hate everything about myself (my face, my body, my skin...) I wish I could be someone else.
waterbottleman
Not a person
- Sep 30, 2019
- 721
Women think I'm atrocious, but I think I look alright.
ive gained weight since I decided to ctb, I'm just eating whatever I want now that I'm going to die soon anyways so I'm kinda fat now. But Ive always thought I had a good looking face. I have good skin to, but I use a lot of products for my skin.
ive gained weight since I decided to ctb, I'm just eating whatever I want now that I'm going to die soon anyways so I'm kinda fat now. But Ive always thought I had a good looking face. I have good skin to, but I use a lot of products for my skin.
Shero
Experienced
- Dec 19, 2019
- 275
