Venting anyone else here borderline?

[ketaminekisses]

this disorder is the bane of my existence.
i am tired of it ruining my life. I would give anything to be a normal person. i am constantly miserable and i make everyone around me miserable too

 

[dory]

i have HPD so i believe i can relate to some of the feelings, wishing you peace :) you aren't alone

 

[blitz]

Yes i have bpd. I got the diagnosis 6 months ago and am having a hard time dealing with how much it's ruined my life.
I also wish i could be a normal person but don't think it's possible,we're just wired wrong.
Have you tried therapy or meds?

 

[Morrigan]

Yes, too high functioning (read too good at masking) for anyone to help me and just keep ruining my own life. 4 years since diagnosis and my life has just gotten worse and worse.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

yeah. got diagnosed last year, never even considered it a possibility and was quite skeptical of it for a while but its the only thing that seems to fit. mixed with a few other mental illnesses means im fucked. nothing seems to help. tried dbt but bc im autistic it did nothing.

 

[Slasher]

my gf has bpd and it's killing both me and her. I try and understand her but to no avail as she doesn't communicate at all. just seeing what she's going trough I can't imagine how horrible it is and all my condolences go to the ones who have to live with this everyday. I wish you the best of luck <<33

 

[liljeep]

Yep.. diagnosed since 18, suspected it myself since 13. I have gotten better in the way of not destroying relationships and with my impulsivity, but still struggle quite a lot. I just internalize my rage and mood swings more than I used to, and am better with healthy self-soothing. Most of this came from self-help rather than actual therapy, though I do see a therapist

I never found mood stabilizers helpful, I do take 2mg Klonopin daily but that helps far more with my various anxiety disorders than anything else

 

[melodyhehe]

i have bpd and my ex has it too nd i think its partailly what killed us. my mood swings are so bad when im at myh lowest which is basically all the time since the breakup i just slice my legs and arms.y i think im jusdt supposed to die alone ahhhh >:(

 

[CarambaAlbum]

this disorder is the bane of my existence.
i am tired of it ruining my life. I would give anything to be a normal person. i am constantly miserable and i make everyone around me miserable too

It really is a curse, I genuinely feel it. Because of how it makes you behave you're just destined to at least attempt to CTB many times in your lifetime and no one will care.

I get really intensely attached to people I just met only to block them the next day and then a few days later try to readd them. I've got a bad habit of stalking people when I really feel this horrible mental itch to talk to them again after I got blocked by them back. That's only a small sample of this shit that's in my head but since it has such a stigma I feel like the only solution is to CTB to spare this annoyance to everyone else I know.

 

[ketaminekisses]

It really is a curse, I genuinely feel it. Because of how it makes you behave you're just destined to at least attempt to CTB many times in your lifetime and no one will care.

I get really intensely attached to people I just met only to block them the next day and then a few days later try to readd them. I've got a bad habit of stalking people when I really feel this horrible mental itch to talk to them again after I got blocked by them back. That's only a small sample of this shit that's in my head but since it has such a stigma I feel like the only solution is to CTB to spare this annoyance to everyone else I know.

Honestly, i feel like the only borderline that doesnt block or cut off the person or people i am obsessed with. i mean, I'll split on them but once they even bring up cutting ties, i snap out of it and start begging them to stay. i will offer anythingggg lmao. i let them mistreat me and exploit my fear of abandonment. i always latch onto people that mistreat me, honestly. this disorder is hell

 

[hellispink]

i have bpd and my ex has it too nd i think its partailly what killed us. my mood swings are so bad when im at myh lowest which is basically all the time since the breakup i just slice my legs and arms.y i think im jusdt supposed to die alone ahhhh >:(

That sounds like me. I sliced all my arms everytime he tried to leave me. He left anyway . But i have been on constant crisis since then. Two years passed. This is horrible

 

[CarambaAlbum]

Honestly, i feel like the only borderline that doesnt block or cut off the person or people i am obsessed with. i mean, I'll split on them but once they even bring up cutting ties, i snap out of it and start begging them to stay. i will offer anythingggg lmao. i let them mistreat me and exploit my fear of abandonment. i always latch onto people that mistreat me, honestly. this disorder is hell

I do relate to what you're saying. I've stayed with very bad people just to get that constant attention but then it sinks back that it was a genuinely horrible idea to ever contact them again. It's a vicious cycle that hopefully will end once I CTB.

 

[Eisenfuchs]

I don't; but one of my so-called "friends" gaslit me into thinking I did. I stayed in a psych ward for over a month, and it turns out I don't have it.

 

[feder]

That sounds like me. I sliced all my arms everytime he tried to leave me. He left anyway . But i have been on constant crisis since then. Two years passed. This is horrible

I completely understand you, took me 4 years to get over my FP. It is possible, even though it takes so much more time than with normal ppl.
Won't say I have it since I'm not diagnosed yet, hopefully going to get diagnosis this year if I can afford proper therapy. Strongly suspect I have it though, it's the only disorder that I can relate to almost 100% of the time. Since I started reading and researching about it, it explained some parts if my life that I had not understood before at all.
Hoping to get some treatment this year finally.

 

[Temporal_Anchorite]

It's something I've been seriously considering as a possibility.

I was involuntarily hospitalized in high school on multiple occasions (4 to be exact) where I received an incomplete diagnosis of "BPD and NPD traits" due to my age, and later ADHD at the age of 18. But now that I'm 24, those maladaptive traits are far more pronounced, pervasive, and destructive. I can seldom hold a job for more than 4 months, I've burned countless bridges with all of my friends and family members throughout the years, I get way too attached to be people who show me even an ounce of affection only to come within inches of blowing my brains out if that person talks to me with a slightly different tone/energy that would suggest rejection/disinterest...And that's only the tip of the iceberg lol.

Every day is a constant battle and I'm toughing it out completely alone with zero support system. Looking back, it was my own volatile, erratic, and petulant temperament that drove everyone away. I'm in a state of absolute misery, but given everything I've done, I kinda deserve it.