Venting Anyone else here bedridden?

[hopelessgirl]

I am lying in bed till like 3-4 in the afternoon every day. Staring into the ceiling. Thinking about CTB. Going to bed early in the evening around 10PM.
The rest of the hours when Im out of bed I mostly Google CBT or am on here. Sometimes I force my self to play some computer games. I am just waiting to die.

Anyone experiencing this?

I'm not even on my phone or the computer when Im lying in bed. I don't turn my phone on anymore because I don't want to talk to anyone, and I don't go on social media for the same reason..

Ordered SN but it won't arrive until between the 15th November and 3rd of December. it seems like an eternity and I'm almost so desperate to go for the long drop hanging. Im a climber so I have a climbing rope of course. It is literally made for falling. Which when I write this might be a problem of course, because it is slightly dynamic to make the falls softer. I don't think it was made for necks anyways, and the shorter the rope is the less dynamic it is (since I´ll only be using like 2 meters of it more or less don't remember).

Anyways I literally can't find any motivation to get out of bed or do anything at all. Because of my anxiety I don't listen to music anymore or watch movies. I don't even bother drinking water or barely eating any food. I just eat what my roommate gives me ( yeah he's a fucking saint). I do take my meds for bipolar but they obviously don't work.

 

[PrimeTimeDimeChime]

I know this feeling. I work nightshift, start at 10pm get off at 6am. Been falling asleep as soon as I get home and then alternating between not waking up until 830pm, or waking up around 1-2pm but laying in bed doing nothing until like 15 minutes before I need to leave for work. Existing in general is a bedridden blur right now. At least my job is pretty easy, I don't think I'd even have one in my current state if I had to muster the motivation to get up for physical labor like my 2 jobs before this one. Also alot of my downtime at work is also spent looking up good departure methods, still haven't settled on one yet.

 

[arie]

I feel you. It's super hard to get out of bed when I don't have anything planned. I'm also waiting till November to ctb and it's so hard to stay sane. Feels like my emotions are getting the best of me. Doing more research on my method is what I use for distraction. Hope everything will go smoothly for you

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

YES, a couple days a week over the last year and all of Aug and Sept. I don't know how I wasn't fired from my work from home job during that time. Uh...it made me realize that if I wanted to I could probably get by with maybe an hour or two of work a day and nobody would notice. Being at a job where it's acceptable to only put in an hour or two of work a day is actually demoralizing to me.

What games do you play?

 

[FuneralCry]

I was at end of last year and that was when I became desperate and was the closest I got to ctb. That was the worst time in my whole life. All I did was lie down all day long in a dark room. Even now I have very little energy, sometimes I do go outside but overall I do not do much. I have no will to live. I cannot enjoy anything. I think in my case I simply do not want anything to do with life. There is often no reason to get out of bed. I am very tired all the time.

I'm sorry you are suffering, being alive really is horrible. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes thanks to my debilitating ocd

 

[hopelessgirl]

I feel you. It's super hard to get out of bed when I don't have anything planned. I'm also waiting till November to ctb and it's so hard to stay sane. Feels like my emotions are getting the best of me. Doing more research on my method is what I use for distraction. Hope everything will go smoothly for you

Yeah that's my distraction as well :(

I was at end of last year and that was when I became desperate and was the closest I got to ctb. That was the worst time in my whole life. All I did was lie down all day long in a dark room. Even now I have very little energy, sometimes I do go outside but overall I do not do much. I have no will to live. I cannot enjoy anything. I think in my case I simply do not want anything to do with life. There is often no reason to get out of bed. I am very tired all the time.

I'm sorry you are suffering, being alive really is horrible. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

I feel exactly the same.... Yeah life is ridiculous.

I'm sorry for you too and I also hope you find peace...

 

[Chockles]

Yes I have severe physical pain in agony 24/7. Bed ridden tho doesn't help pain any. I'm just waiting to die too now. Non recoverable nerve damage. Been saving up for N hope to ctb very soon.

 

[littlelungs]

Yes, I'm mostly bedridden and completely housebound, only getting up for food, water, to use the toilet or to give my husband (also bedridden) food, water and other basic supplies that he needs.

In addition to the cocktail of mental problems and severe trauma, I have severe ME/CFS, POTS, degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, small fibre neuropathy, gastroparesis, GERD, scoliosis, lumbar spondylosis... my spine is just generally messed right up, particularly in the L4/5 region and at the thoraco-lumbar junction, so I'm sure I'm missing something, but brain fog has been particularly strong lately and I've just got so much bullshit going on with my body that it's impossible to remember/list every single thing off the top of my head.

The point is, I'm constantly in severe pain (both physically and mentally) and badly struggling to survive on such a basic level. There's so much I want to do and I can't do fuck all... all I can do is lie in bed in a dark room and watch the world move on without me. It's like I'm already dead... and yet, no euthanasia for me.

This is all so fucked. I feel for all of you in here, so much.

 

[meetapple]

I Have stayed in bed the last three days simply because I don't have hope that I can make my life better and I don't like the thoughts I have when I am out of my bed.