Anyone else feel pushed into suicide based on circumstances that you’re in?

[V0latile]

I was suicidal before the recent events that I will disclose, but there was some small hope left. I recently got another car after not having one for awhile. I had to get the car fixed soon after buying it. There was a lot wrong with it. I also had to help fix it because there was a lot of unnecessary modifications done to it. This car was in my price range. The other options didn't work out. The car is good now though.

Where I live the driveway slopes down. The top has a hump that scraped my last car, so I was hoping this car wouldn't have that problem. It does and I don't know what to do. I can't sell the car because social security will count it as income and penalize me by reducing my monthly payments. I can't move because it was hard enough finding this place. People don't want to rent to me when they discover I have a mental disability.

My life is over and it makes me so angry. I was hopeful again. I had plans on how I could tackle my illness that prevents me from working. All for nothing.

 

[Azzy69]

I do based on the fact that I will never be able to work and all I do is sit at home all day and wallow in my depression. Maybe if I had a job, money and a caring family I would think otherwise.

 

[Quax]

Can you park your car somewhere else in walking distances to your home.?

 

[V0latile]

Can you park your car somewhere else in walking distances to your home.?

No. There's no place to park on the road. There's not even sidewalks. It's one long stretch of road in the country with houses spanning both sides.

 

[Farmmaa]

Absolutely.
My life wouldn't be horrible if I wasn't so deep in debt.
I could live with the physical pain, as much as it sucks. I could deal with the depression and anxiety... but there's just no way for me to ever get out of this constant financial stress.

 

[mediocre]

Yes 100%. I've been let down by the healthcare system. I have a lot of things physically wrong with me over the years that I've never got answers for despite begging for help.

 

[jgm63]

I was suicidal before the recent events that I will disclose, but there was some small hope left. I recently got another car after not having one for awhile. I had to get the car fixed soon after buying it. There was a lot wrong with it. I also had to help fix it because there was a lot of unnecessary modifications done to it. This car was in my price range. The other options didn't work out. The car is good now though.

Where I live the driveway slopes down. The top has a hump that scraped my last car, so I was hoping this car wouldn't have that problem. It does and I don't know what to do. I can't sell the car because social security will count it as income and penalize me by reducing my monthly payments. I can't move because it was hard enough finding this place. People don't want to rent to me when they discover I have a mental disability.

My life is over and it makes me so angry. I was hopeful again. I had plans on how I could tackle my illness that prevents me from working. All for nothing.

Is there no alternative way of navigating it ? Can you try driving over it at different angles ? Could you try reversing out ? Or would there be a possible suspension modification that could be made ? Could you ask your garage / mechanic to take a look, to help figure out a solution ?

 

[Edward1]

Can you somehow increase tbe height of the suspension, even an inch or so without too much cost? It might be all you need. An inch makes a huge difference (well, that's what I've heard anyway)

 

[V0latile]

Is there no alternative way of navigating it ? Can you try driving over it at different angles ? Could you try reversing out ? Or would there be a possible suspension modification that could be made ? Could you ask your garage / mechanic to take a look, to help figure out a solution ?

The problem is when I drive up the driveway onto the road. The width of the driveway doesn't allow for anything but driving straight. Reversing isn't something I've thought of, but one objection is it'll lead to going up it fast and onto the road too quickly. A lot of people drive this road and go fast too. Reversing won't let me see if I'm safe to pull out.

 

[Edward1]

I have to reverse up my drive way every day and the road is so busy I just kinda drive into the road and force people le to wait. Its a bit scary at first but now I don't give a rats ass. I just nose myself out in front of everyone.

 

[V0latile]

I have to reverse up my drive way every day and the road is so busy I just kinda drive into the road and force people le to wait. Its a bit scary at first but now I don't give a rats ass. I just nose myself out in front of everyone.

How fast are they going? On my road, they're going 50 or 60

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes, to some degree. I think I would be suicidal anyway without my husband. However, my original plan was to wait 5 years and see how my life was before I decided to ctb. My timetable was moved up for 2 main reasons.

First, I didn't count on my thyroid and other health issues getting this bad so quickly.

Secondly, my husband left me a finite amount of money to live on. It turned out to be far less than he always promised me. He promised to take care of me for the rest of my life and I believe he intended to. But he had an asshole for a lawyer who I believe misled him about some things and, as a result, my financial situation is not stable at all. I had hoped to be able to work from home, as that's the only way I can tolerate working. I'm too ill to leave the house every day and go to a job. Plus, I'm not cut out for the 9 to 5 grind. My last 9 to 5 job caused me to have a major nervous breakdown. I ended up on disability for 8 years. I investigated working from home and found out it isn't as easy to do as I had hoped. At this point, my ability to think clearly is so compromised that I don't think I could work from home, even if I could find a way to do so.

I've studied the problem from every angle and ctb makes the most sense.

 

[Jean4]

I don't drive. I take Uber. It's cheaper than a car in the long run too.

 

[BlueWidow]

OP, so sorry for your car issues. I wish I could help with your predicament. I hardly ever drive anymore because I'm not used to the roads where I live. I just moved here from another state last year, then my thyroid and other health issues immediately started getting bad. It's almost like they were waiting for me to get moved and then they kicked into overdrive. I also have vision problems that prevent me from driving very far. Of course, it's not a huge problem for me because I never want to go anywhere anyway.

I don't drive. I take Uber. It's cheaper than a car in the long run too.

I use Uber or Lyft a lot too.

 

[Edward1]

How fast are they going? On my road, they're going 50 or 60

Wow. You need to learn

How fast are they going? On my road, they're going 50 or 60

Wow. That's crazy. All you need to learn is drifting. You'll be up that driveway in no time AND make tons of cash as a pro racing driver in Japan. Sweet!!

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes 100%. I've been let down by the healthcare system. I have a lot of things physically wrong with me over the years that I've never got answers for despite begging for help.

Boy, do I hear that. 36 years trying to treat my depression and all they ever offer me are the same old " take this pill and seek therapy" BS. If it hasn't worked in 36 years, why would it work now?! And the same thing with my thyroid problems. I've had hypothyroidism for 23 years and it's never been treated properly. 13 years on the wrong medicine while I begged and pleaded for help and only got condescension and name calling. Then another 10 years on too low of a dose of a medicine that might have helped me, but it's too late now.

 

[oopswronglife]

Yep. Health ruined by shit doctors who lied and outspent me on legal things. Denied assistance from disability and other programs...thanks Murica. Family ignored, blamed, abandoned because people needing help are liberal losers to them (yet they accept social security and all the subsidies in life) and Fox news matters more than anything. Every time I got some foundation through hard work someone came and kicked it out and blamed me for it. Most people don't believe my life because they need to believe so much bad can't happen, and if it does it HAS to be your fault, so they can feel superior/safer. So unless a giant money miracle or realistic plan for help happens in the next two weeks I am done. I will not go through another Christmas this angry/alone/resentful when it USED to be my favorite time of year when I thought family cared etc. I've been through all the stages of grief and back again a few times. I've wanted understanding, love, kindness, justice, recompense, vengeance (which I realized simply couldn't happen without harming innocents), everything you can imagine one would feel...now I just want to live or everyone and everything can get fucked. I did my part. I was a good person. Worked hard. Was honest. Never scammed, cheated, or harmed someone. None of it mattered. I don't want to die at all, but I will not suffer forever while shit people live well around me and never lose and since I am not even going to have a bed soon, or so I am passive aggressively threatened regularly, I will be forced to end my life. That's evil and cruel. And people are letting it happen.

If I won the lotto or found a way to immigrate to Europe I would love to try to live. The former ain't gonna happen and nobody who said they would help with the latter ever followed through. I was even half was naturalized once but my ex abandoned me after more surgery in Murica made me worse. This shithole country and its ways ruined my life....the only good times were abroad...and I will die because I am stuck here because I don't have enough money...or health to trade for money...because this place took it from me....the irony hurts...but what hurts worse is that after years of doing everything I can and telling everyone about all of this...nobody will do a fucking thing and all that will remain are these angry rants that don't matter. That Miss Anthropy lady I keep hearing about was right. Most people are horrible, selfish, assholes.

 

[Squiddy]

Absolutely.
My life wouldn't be horrible if I wasn't so deep in debt.
I could live with the physical pain, as much as it sucks. I could deal with the depression and anxiety... but there's just no way for me to ever get out of this constant financial stress.

This. I'm also in quite a bit of debt due to being in and out the hospital and I also feel pushed to do it due to mental illness and brain fog

 

[passenger27]

Debt for sure.

 

[Conker]

It's completely due to circumstances, why the fuck would I want to continue existing in this poisoned horrible world? I'm done trying to make a heaven out of hell. Let the snakes have it since I don't see any real hope or justice.

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

I felt like this since really young, I wasn't suicidal for the past two years though, but now it is a combination of all my issues + people treating me like a punching bag, which happend my whole life... I'd be lying if I said it was just my mental health that pushed me to this.

 

[jgm63]

f.y.i. I'm going to see if I can google any solutions for your car scraping issue.....

 

[maka]

Yep. I finally told my nmom what I wanted to go to college for and she yelled at me, telling me how much of a failure I am and how I'll never be anything in this world. Honestly, I was looking forward to college and whatnot, but at this point she's not trying to pay for me to get my transcripts or my application fees and I'm missing all of the deadlines. I told myself this past weekend that I will recover and I will do what I can to make my life easier so I don't feel suicidal anymore, but it keeps getting worse and worse. If I can't go to college I don't want to live. Period. And if she's going to make life difficult for me, then what other choice do I have.

 

[jgm63]

Yep. I finally told my nmom what I wanted to go to college for and she yelled at me, telling me how much of a failure I am and how I'll never be anything in this world. Honestly, I was looking forward to college and whatnot, but at this point she's not trying to pay for me to get my transcripts or my application fees and I'm missing all of the deadlines. I told myself this past weekend that I will recover and I will do what I can to make my life easier so I don't feel suicidal anymore, but it keeps getting worse and worse. If I can't go to college I don't want to live. Period. And if she's going to make life difficult for me, then what other choice do I have.

Can you find someway of doing what you want anyway ?
Can you get some part time jobs, get some loans, etc ?

 

[V0latile]

I found a solution to my car problem. I decided to blow it up

 

[FohPah]

To answer the question in the title: I have no idea how to evaluate the circumstances I'm in. And that's really my problem. To be motivated to do anything, either it has to be immediately gratifying, or I have to be willing to do it even when I have no idea what the outcome will be.

I can't tell if my biggest weakness is my lack of confidence or my inaction in the face of low confidence. Or if neither of those are weaknesses.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've suffered for many, many years to various extents but only one thing pushed me to suicide: chronic illness acquired at a young age.

 

[WallsClosingInn]

Yes 100%. I've been let down by the healthcare system. I have a lot of things physically wrong with me over the years that I've never got answers for despite begging for help.

yeah the same thing for me

 

[Moonicide]

Yes, I was pushed into my decision to ctb. I grew up an abusive environment, which lead to be being a very broken individual. It has impacted the way I function, my relationships, let alone my friendships. It has always been hard for me to become a part of society due to it. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fit in. I was even bullied terribly at school. It was always something... I finally got into treatment once my mental and physical health started deteriorating. But the tests they can run are quite limited due to me having Medicaid. My insurance has denied me medication that could help me, along with referrals to specialists. All my medications are generic due to that very reason. I'm currently on disability and living on food stamps. I do not have the means to support myself. None of this is sustainable... I'm just done. Absolutely defeated with life and the circumstances I've been dealt with.

 

[V0latile]

I found a solution to my car problem. I decided to blow it up

I did find a solution to the car though. Don't give me advice regarding it

Yes, I was pushed into my decision to ctb. I grew up an abusive environment, which lead to be being a very broken individual. It has impacted the way I function, my relationships, let alone my friendships. It has always been hard for me to become a part of society due to it. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fit in. I was even bullied terribly at school. It was always something... I finally got into treatment once my mental and physical health started deteriorating. But the tests they can run are quite limited due to me having Medicaid. My insurance has denied me medication that could help me, along with referrals to specialists. All my medications are generic due to that very reason. I'm currently on disability and living on food stamps. I do not have the means to support myself. None of this is sustainable... I'm just done. Absolutely defeated with life and the circumstances I've been dealt with.

I'm also on disability and I hate it. You mirror a lot of what I think.