Honestly, suicide is just a valid crash out taken to the extreme. Which is valid.
I do feel that it's not supposed to be an option entertained by people who are mentally ill. They should at least try and get help first. Get medicated for some years, try different habits, and shi.
Just because you're ill, doesn't mean death is key. If you're ill, find the cause, learn the symptoms and have a healthy relationship with your illness. Most people just want to get rid of it. I'd understand, just like having chronic pain; no one wants to live 24/7 like this chugging pills.
But some are still manageable and allow for you to live well. So, please do that before you stay on this site and start browsing for methods.
If things don't work out, here we are.
It's hard when people make it almost impossible to learn the cause. I had undiagnosed conditions and it was by chance that I was even able to figure out what they were. On my path to finally being diagnosed, almost everyone I tried to get help from dismissed me and said they didn't think I had that or didn't believe that I struggled with the things they cause people to struggle with even when they did not have any training in basic research about it, but were a professional in a closely related field.
Plus, I already had chronic ideation since middle school and did not learn how to recognize my physical or emotional needs because they were dismissed and invalidated for so long that I now have chronic self doubt and inability to trust myself or know whether I have certain rights anymore that other people are able to immediately recognize being crossed and what to do about them or have a supportive person to help them with figuring out what to do.
And the first medication I tried caused years of physical and mental symptoms that were even worse than what I was already experiencing which I was also not believed about and which made my ideation worse when I previously had hope that a treatment might be able to help.
And after all that, I developed another disorder with even worse symptoms than the ones in the previous situation and my neglected health problems which were ignored even though I had them since before 18 became even worse. (I was able to find and figure out some treatment almost completely on my own for it, but the new disorder causes full body cramping & abnormal movements which intensifies the pain from the cramping diagnosis I already had and having a chronic pain condition can make the disorder symptoms increase, one of which is the symptom of abnormal movements. And other symptoms of the new disorder make it almost impossible for me to even be able to go out in public on my own anymore. The new disorder has also caused regression of possible autistic symptoms and severe memory loss/cognitive symptoms. And I already had undiagnosed ADHD which is now diagnosed but my controlling family who I had become even more dependent on because of the symptoms and effects of the disorder mentioned kept discouraging and preventing me from being able to find and access that service at all when I was attempting to get screened which was even more overwhelming specifically because of the cognitive symptoms of my disorder.)
And the worst part is that if someone had listened to me when I first was asking for help, it might not have gotten to this point of so many different overwhelming issues which all make each other worse. And cause a loss of control because I don't have access to someone who will listen to me anymore or help me figure out what to do but I'm dependent on other people to access it now. Where I used to have more control over at least who I saw to make sure that they were experienced in that specific issue and was able to drive myself there when no one else was going to help me.
And before all of this happened, I already felt like I didn't know how to figure out life. And being put onto the programs I'm on requires almost every task to have 10 additional steps they require me to do when executive function struggles and anxiety caused by memory problems were already a few of my biggest challenges and struggles and reason for being depressed. Plus people in my life being controlling of me and criticizing me for things that I can't control. All of which is happening at even higher levels now.
This has become a vent I guess. It's like life never gave me a break to be able to figure out and accomplish some of the things that might help me before a huge new problem happened and just kept causing more struggles that would cause more suffering and make life even more overwhelming for me.
Oh & social anxiety was also one of my original issues so I definitely understand that. Now, because of my health problems, I am forced to be around people and in social situations even more before I ever got a chance to work on it through slower levels of exposure. And I don't have a choice anymore.
