Anyone else feel like their MENTAL illness is terminal?

[PrincessInWhite]

It's such a strange feeling. I don't WANT to have to die. I know theoretically life can absolutely be meaningful and enjoyable and as of now I don't have any physical health problems that would prevent that from being possible.
However, my thought patterns and beliefs and way of thinking and behaving and being are honestly SO warped and fucked that it would take AGES to ever fix, and even then I don't know if there would ever be meaningful quality of life for ME. I have BPD which is known to be one of the most agonizing mental illnesses, plus struggle with CPTSD, OCD, severe anxiety, a mood disorder, various eating disorders.
Sorry foe the ramble, just wondering if anyone can relate to desperately wishing they were capable of living happily but having to accept they probably don't have it in them to so do? I hate this capitalistic society of work till you drop or else live in constant fear of poverty. I don't know that I'm cut out for it or that I even want to fight to live like that.
Thanks for listening!

 

[mapletree]

yes

 

[AutoTap]

Yeh, I don't think my anxiety or depression can be helped much

 

[CoalmineCanary]

I try my best to mitigate it right now. I can't afford to leave yet. Pretending is hard but trying is sometimes harder. I appreciate this site where these sentiments might be shared. It's difficult to find others in the real world who understand this conflict.

 

[Life_and_Death]

it is now. i believe that if mental illness is dealt with asap then it can be help. but after so long.........for some they can still be helped. but for me. this is who i am. and even in my specific case, im not sure. 'they' say you arent your disorders but i have to ask what a personality disorder is. your personality is you so be it disorder or not wouldnt that still be you? plus looking back to my actions even at the age of 3-10.......ive ALWAYS been this way. how can you fix what is??

although reading through my post i did get to thinking, is this me....yes, but did it have to get this bad, no. so i guess......yeah i could have been "helped" at one point. but not now. therapy has aggravated the problems. im sensitive to medications. a support group doesnt make the voices shut up. ive got nothing at this point, and id love to know what the prolifers suggest that doesnt involve "just live and suffer" because i just named off the 3 general things that "help" and have gotten no wheres. if they have an honest to god suggestion and not some BS i would LOVE to hear it, because i dont want to die, im just out of options.

 

[Shotgunjohn]

yes. i am depressed. i dont see it ever going away. why should i be forced to live such a miserable life? thinking about ctb brings me peace

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Yes, currently there are really no good methods of getting rid of the type of ptsd I have. Classic presentation ptsd that is centered around one traumatic event can be helped sometimes with EDMR or other kinds of therapy, but complex ptsd where you've had several, sometimes chronic traumatic events like sustained domestic abuse like in my case, i don't know anyone who has recovered from it. Even better when others constantly deny your reality and say things aren't that bad, that it's a warped worldview and perhaps you've exaggerated your accounts of abuse, while refusing to acknowledge the evil that ensconses the world around us every day. As long as the mental health industry denies that such trauma happens everyday, I see no hope for having decent treatments for ptsd.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've come to the conclusion that my mind is "unfixable."

 

[0n_and_on]

Yes, I relate to this. I stopped drinking and other recreational stuff for overall long term health and chronic thing. Lately, I have been thinking about them again because life feels so empty and the path to being a healthier more stable person is hard and long and not guaranteed. I think I will have some level of depression for the rest of my life even with psychiatric help.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

I'm pretty sure I'll either die in an accident or by suicide.

Unlike you, though, I do want to die. But there are other things I want to do. Not for joy, meaningfulness, happiness or anything like that, just to fulfil my curiosity.

There is also one thing I definitely don't want: to find myself stuck with a job I dislike and forced to find joy in an average life. Although I understand the average person is happy with the average life and I could enjoy it too, I just don't want it.

As long as it doesn't happen, it might be enough to stick around. If it does, to oblivion I go and I achieve my final wish.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Sadly I see life the same way you do OP.
As someone with bpd I know that idealizing someone can offer me a high yet it is a constant switching from heaven and hell and despite how good you feel when idealizing someone depression etc are still present.
Mentally ill is no way to live ad I think it is quite unlucky for us that we struggle to function when a lot of people have no issue.

 

[Kat!]

I don't feel like there's a cure for it, or at least in my case.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Yes, currently there are really no good methods of getting rid of the type of ptsd I have. Classic presentation ptsd that is centered around one traumatic event can be helped sometimes with EDMR or other kinds of therapy, but complex ptsd where you've had several, sometimes chronic traumatic events like sustained domestic abuse like in my case, i don't know anyone who has recovered from it. Even better when others constantly deny your reality and say things aren't that bad, that it's a warped worldview and perhaps you've exaggerated your accounts of abuse, while refusing to acknowledge the evil that ensconses the world around us every day. As long as the mental health industry denies that such trauma happens everyday, I see no hope for having decent treatments for ptsd.

I have CPTSD too!!!! God it BLOWS. Sorry you're going through this. Should prob edit my post to add j have this lmao as this is another thing that is so hard to cure or address.
[

 

[ecmnesia]

yes. glad to read this honestly, thought i was the only weirdo who saw it like this. at this point, there is no coming back

 

[PrincessInWhite]

It's such a strange feeling. I don't WANT to have to die. I know theoretically life can absolutely be meaningful and enjoyable and as of now I don't have any physical health problems that would prevent that from being possible.
However, my thought patterns and beliefs and way of thinking and behaving and being are honestly SO warped and fucked that it would take AGES to ever fix, and even then I don't know if there would ever be meaningful quality of life for ME. I have BPD which is known to be one of the most agonizing mental illnesses, plus struggle with CPTSD, OCD, severe anxiety, a mood disorder, various eating disorders.
Sorry foe the ramble, just wondering if anyone can relate to desperately wishing they were capable of living happily but having to accept they probably don't have it in them to so do? I hate this capitalistic society of work till you drop or else live in constant fear of poverty. I don't know that I'm cut out for it or that I even want to fight to live like that.
Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for replying everyone. Helps at least a little to feel Im not alone. Here for anyone who wants to chat ❤

 

[Life sucks]

Yea, I'm a mess with many problems and the damage is irreversible. I tried dealing with it but there is no improvement at all. Its sad we live in this cruel world that makes us trapped without true solutions.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Definitely feel like this. My combination of depression, self esteem issues, social failure and general hatred of life are like a tumor for me. I feel like everything just gets more exaggerated as time goes on and it gets harder for me to live a functional life.

 

[peach]

Yep, I think I tried everything, but I feel like anxiety and depression are sticking with me and can't be helped. I hope I can CTB soon.

 

[Cherrypea]

Yes it's just like many illnesses that can't be cured dispite intervention and leads to death.

 

[muffin222]

Yes. I've struggled with mental illness and suicidal thoughts since I was 11 years old. I believe that with concerted time, dedication, effort, and commitment to healing, processing my traumas, and adopting new coping skills I can achieve a level of recovery.

However, I've accepted that complete remission is not possible for me and that I will never evolve into the person I would have become without my multiple mental disorders and traumas. Some degree of mental and emotional suffering in my day-to-day existence is inevitable for me, even in the best therapeutic outcome.

It's a jagged pill to swallow.

 

[Buffy5120]

It's such a strange feeling. I don't WANT to have to die. I know theoretically life can absolutely be meaningful and enjoyable and as of now I don't have any physical health problems that would prevent that from being possible.
However, my thought patterns and beliefs and way of thinking and behaving and being are honestly SO warped and fucked that it would take AGES to ever fix, and even then I don't know if there would ever be meaningful quality of life for ME. I have BPD which is known to be one of the most agonizing mental illnesses, plus struggle with CPTSD, OCD, severe anxiety, a mood disorder, various eating disorders.
Sorry foe the ramble, just wondering if anyone can relate to desperately wishing they were capable of living happily but having to accept they probably don't have it in them to so do? I hate this capitalistic society of work till you drop or else live in constant fear of poverty. I don't know that I'm cut out for it or that I even want to fight to live like that.
Thanks for listening!

Yes and i got to get out of here soon its not if its when and the most even fucked up part all of my illnesses that stem in the brain like tinnitus hyperacusis hypothyrodism which arent even mental I even heard I have a high risk of getting alzhimers dementia i mean does God hate me or something? Like I already have slow memory so I literally have no choice but to ctb if I dont i will suffer so much that it shouldn't even be legal to suffer this much i hate this fucked up place called earth place of evil doctors are money hungry its sad they will purposely give u medication to make u feel okay for a little while and then they know the medicine will stop working long term so they can still get paid cycle of evilness bullshit

Yes. I've struggled with mental illness and suicidal thoughts since I was 11 years old. I believe that with concerted time, dedication, effort, and commitment to healing, processing my traumas, and adopting new coping skills I can achieve a level of recovery.

However, I've accepted that complete remission is not possible for me and that I will never evolve into the person I would have become without my multiple mental disorders and traumas. Some degree of mental and emotional suffering in my day-to-day existence is inevitable for me, even in the best therapeutic outcome.

It's a jagged pill to swallow.

This is why i say people should have a right to euthanasia no matter what fucking age illness doesn't affect just one age group i mean 7billion people and you cant help a small percentage to get out of here? Why are we so important to keep alive Would've that even help save the earth wtf like is money that important when the earth is dying anyway God i just want to ctb so bad i just wish shit was legal already fuck!

 

[AltFoxx]

For me I don't think I know anything other than being mentally ill. Existence is such a drag but I've never felt that it's possible to get better or even just have some normalcy. It just sucks man

 

[Deleted member 23774]

Yeah, I totally feel this way, I have bipolar 2, ocd, ptsd, anxiety, depression, bpd, and reactive attachment disorder. It all affects my day to day life and it is really debilitating.

 

[Shades of Grey]

I feel this.

I have at least five (confirmed) diagnoses and a probable sixth. Most are "manageable" but incurable. I have never been neurotypical. Despite compliance, I have been chronically poorly treatment responsive for decades.

Life is excruciating and devoid of any real meaning. People regard me as "accomplished", but I will never accomplish any of the things that truly matter to me because my brain is broken. The idea of potentially spending another fifty years existing in this state fucking terrifies me.

I have no desire to live. Not like this. Nor do I care to stick around lest some miraculous cure decide to materialize ten or twenty years from now. It is not worth it. I am tired in ways I can't even begin to describe. Too many doors have closed already. I don't care about potential treatment options anymore. I am done. I just want this to end.

 

[Donk]

I'm still feeling severely depress even though I've tried different meds and therapy. I wouldn't be surprise if my MDD is terminal. it sure feels like it now. I don't want to feel like this the rest of my life hence the decision to CTB. I think I might have been better off not taking meds but that's a different story.

 

[Sherri]

i do, but I won't go down without a hell of a fight first.

 

[Kramer]

I wish I could live a normal life. I would willingly wage slave, but I would have the ability to not have to do minimum wage like most people.

 

[Raminiki]

Yes. I have many comorbid mental health conditions, some of which are genetically based. They are incurable. I've been suffering since young childhood and felt suicidal for 15 years. I've tried all there is to offer in treatment, which has never been much or effective. Many medications made things worse.

My illness is me - I can't remember not being ill, being a person and not a personality or mood disorder. Whoever I may have been before is long dead and gone. All I have to look forward to is continued suffering. My brain is damaged, the neural pathways set, my life situation is unlikely to ever improve and so my mental health is never going to recover. I'm more likely to contract serious illness due to suppressed immune system, suffer heart attack or stroke due to stress hormone damage, descend into psychosis due to worsening untreatable bipolar episodes, or should I survive into old age, all that's waiting for me is dementia or alzheimer's.

I will not endure this hopelessness. I accept the necessary plan of action. My illness is terminal and I will euthanise myself when the pain is no longer bearable and before I lose the last of my autonomy and self-awareness. I have no other choice but to lose myself some other, far worse way. I'm living right now because I want to splurge all the savings I sacrificed for, as there will be no life worth investing them in. I'm a patient with terminal conditions who has accepted their diagnosis and wants one last hurrah before the final exit.

 

[SwagGalore]

I have several diagnoses, but from what I've seen in myself, my mood disorder at the very least appears degenerative. I suspect I have atypical bipolar disorder, but my psychiatrist insists I don't because I'm "pleasant" when I speak with him.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was two years old, and I have been bombarded with interventions ever since. Regardless, my mood has steadily decreased while my suicidality has done the opposite. Most people with depression have periods of "recovery," but I have never had a real period of happiness or at the very least liberation from the endless anhedonia.

…and the people in my life think I'm crazy for wanting to be done with it all.

 

[Kramer]

I have several diagnoses, but from what I've seen in myself, my mood disorder at the very least appears degenerative. I suspect I have atypical bipolar disorder, but my psychiatrist insists I don't because I'm "pleasant" when I speak with him.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was two years old, and I have been bombarded with interventions ever since. Regardless, my mood has steadily decreased while my suicidality has done the opposite. Most people with depression have periods of "recovery," but I have never had a real period of happiness or at the very least liberation from the endless anhedonia.

…and the people in my life think I'm crazy for wanting to be done with it all.

My therapist would say something similar. I would point out that I could be a very different person outside a session and he would have no way of knowing. That's when he got quiet. And I knew his diagnoses were only partially right.