Ambivalent1
๐ต Be all, end all ๐ต
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,279
My golden years were the 2000s. Last decade and this one have been miserable. I liked who I was when I was younger. The older I get the more I see that my childhood trauma ruined me and that therapists can't help me.
I don't enjoy anything. I want connection but it's my brain that wants it, needs it, really. I exist in my brain, but I like to think I'm the observer separate from urges and impulses the brain puts out. The observer is tired of the brain dragging this existence out.
I have several books I want to read. Reading sustained me through my 20s and gave me meaning as well as some TV series that resonated with me. After completing that, I see no point in continuing. I remember a guy on here once wrote that after he finished watching his anime show lineup that he was going to end it.
Yesterday, I saw a Instagram clip of the day in the life of a middle class worker. Looked miserable. Even the "ideal" life is miserable and monotonous.
I don't enjoy anything. I want connection but it's my brain that wants it, needs it, really. I exist in my brain, but I like to think I'm the observer separate from urges and impulses the brain puts out. The observer is tired of the brain dragging this existence out.
I have several books I want to read. Reading sustained me through my 20s and gave me meaning as well as some TV series that resonated with me. After completing that, I see no point in continuing. I remember a guy on here once wrote that after he finished watching his anime show lineup that he was going to end it.
Yesterday, I saw a Instagram clip of the day in the life of a middle class worker. Looked miserable. Even the "ideal" life is miserable and monotonous.