Anyone else feel like it’s their destiny to commit suicide?

[imstillhungry]

Like life will keep pushing you to it because it's what you're meant to do?
Every time I think life can't possibly get worse I'm always amazed at how wrong I am. How can one person have this much bad luck and shit thrown their way?
I swear it's my destiny to commit suicide and the universe won't rest until I do

 

[BPD Barbie]

For the longest time I said to myself and others that I simply wasn't supposed to be alive, I wasn't made for this world. Its almost cruel to be alive. I don't know if its destiny as such, but I really am not supposed to be here.

 

[imstillhungry]

For the longest time I said to myself and others that I simply wasn't supposed to be alive, I wasn't made for this world. Its almost cruel to be alive. I don't know if its destiny as such, but I really am not supposed to be here.

I feel the same. It's inhumane for me to stay here suffering every day like this

 

[throwaway123]

Yes and I can't believe it. If I really start to think about it for long I just break down.

 

[_milo]

Absolutely. I see no other way for things to end. Feels as though it's inevitable.

 

[MelancholyPie]

As much as I try to avoid thinking about it, it really seems ctb is the only way out. All things I've done have been to ease the struggle with mental illness and pain, but no matter how much therapy I do or what meds I take, the feeling of despair and being lost always comes back to haunt me.
I've been thinking about ending it all since I was a little kid, so much that I can't imagine my life ending in any other way.

 

[Sensei]

I know that I will die by my own hand and that it's inevitable. It may happen tomorrow or ten years from now. I will fight to the bitter end.

 

[Meant2Die]

Def. since I was a little kid I thought ''if things get too hard I'll just off myself''. Like what little kid thinks that? After 15 years of struggling with a chronic illness, hundreds of doc visits, thousands spent on care, a bunch of medicines ingested and hospital procedures performed with very little progress, it's clear to me now the only way to get out of this situation is to CTB, or continue to suffer.. well it's not like I haven't given it my all with my family, it's just I guess 15 years is enough.

 

[Bri19750]

Absolutely... I'm amazed by this post. I have been thinking the same thing for awhile now. I believe it's my destiny to take my own life to prove a point to those who knew me.

 

[EBEN30]

I'm so drawn to it, I've made several attempts and some I've been so bloody close to success but ultimately I think I haven't been 110% committed, if I were I would have done it 'right'.

I strongly believe all of us could easily end it if we wanted to just other things come into play. With me, it's not that I don't want to die it's that my survival instinct kicks in so a panic every time. So when I attempt, I always seem to straddle that line where I could be saved and it's touch and go, that way I panic less. It's hard to explain my logic, it's like it's better if I don't know I'm 100% going to die, if I die as a result great....

It's difficult, I'm sure someone here may be able to relate?

Either way, I've stopped doing that now because of the emotional impact it has on others, I don't want to screw other people up the way I'm screwed up.

I used to not give a rats ass about anyone else or their thoughts and feelings, now, sticking around is mainly because I know family and partner would be devastated but sometimes I think am I just using that as an excuse to keep on going or to avoid the fact that I do want to live.

I've ordered SN so I have it just in case I want an out.

I've been trying to explain my suicidal thinking to my gf.

My logic is:

* I've not been able to hold down a job since leaving school (13 years) for more than a couple of months
* Had re-occurring depression that is unresponsive to medication or treatment since I was 13 and I'm now nearly 30
* Even if I could get a job and hold it, life seems utterly pointless, it's a constant rat race, work to pay bills to make others more wealthy than you will ever be rinse and repeat.
* I just don't like the way the world is going from politics to social factors and the way people are towards each other, towards the world. I know there's a lot of good in the world but there's equal amounts of bad and people can be so ugly.
* Have a long list of health conditions and live in pain from chronic pancreatitis everyday
* Severely overweight with onset diabetes, people don't know how difficult it is for people of my weight to exercise, to them it's simple... get up.... move.... exercise and lose weight, it doesn't work like that when you're this size. It's an addiction and no matter how hard I try and fight it I can never overcome it. I've got on set diabetes and it only looks like my health is going to get worse from here on out. I'm too weak of a person to change.

The list goes on.

Sorry, I digress, yea, I do feel like my death certificate will say suicide, I think it's the most likely way I'll end up dead.

 

[Edward1]

I knew I was following some kind of path. I just didn't know that ultimately it would be this one. Now I look back at it, I think it was always going to be this path, but I was kidding myself otherwise.

 

[Elias]

The more I think about it, the more I believe that I'm really too fragile to be able to live a decent life and moving on from the amount of trauma I have to carry everyday. That makes me believe that unless I have an accident or some deadly disease, there is a lot of chance that the day I'll die will be planned. I simply have a lot of trouble of letting myself forget about my issues and living fully without being on edge, and subjecting myself to the uncertainty of what kind of suffering this world can bring upon me, again and again. So in a way, I believe I'm destined to die by my own hands, and young.

 

[nirvana133]

yes, absolutely. If i don't go naturally in a couple of years, ill do it myself. I don't belong here whatsoever, iv'e always been a misfit and all the loneliness completely messed me up.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Yep
Its my fate
Ill either finally snap and make the jump, or Ill kill myself accidentally through choking on my puke while drunk or starving myself, maybe Ill walk under a car while dissociating or the illness I recently acquired and wont treat will finish me off.
Either way, chances of me living past 40 are slim
'Some people are just not meant for this life'

 

[MissNietzsche]

Not that it's my destiny, but I really think sometimes that I was seriously predisposed to it. Honestly, if I didn't believe in God when I was a kid, I probably would have been suicidal sooner. But my thought processes back then all seemed to lead up to being suicidal now. I was just as hypercritical of myself back then as I was now. And it didn't help that almost no one at school liked me because they thought I was weird/a nerd.

 

[Fragile]

since i was a child i've known that this was innevitable, i know for a fact that i won't live to be 30 and i'm glad about it.

for me is not just wanting to die because of my illnesses and trauma, is a conscious decision and a rational one, i just don't enjoy living and find it way too complicated, and i don't want to die horribly of cancer like most of my family has.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I used to be afraid of death( or the dying process, in this case) but have contemplated suicide since I was a kid. Like how would I commit suicide if I did and stuff. And now here I am trying to find a reliable method of suicide after getting rid of social media and getting rid of "friends" this year.
Life has been interesting this year..

 

[BlueWidow]

Like life will keep pushing you to it because it's what you're meant to do?
Every time I think life can't possibly get worse I'm always amazed at how wrong I am. How can one person have this much bad luck and shit thrown their way?
I swear it's my destiny to commit suicide and the universe won't rest until I do

Yes, I posted a similar thread at some point. It seems very unfair when certain people seem to get way more than their fair share of shit thrown at them in this life, while others seem to have it comparatively easy. I feel the same way you do. If God or the universe or whatever didn't want me to do this, it wouldn't have put me in this position where I believe the only sensible answer is to end my life.

 

[mathieu]

Absolutely. Things are just getting worse and worse until I man up and do it.

 

[Nothingfromsomething]

I used to believe that I had no future outside of death, I couldn't even tell you when I started wanting to do. I know I did back when I was like 10, didn't know what to do so I tried killing myself in a very stupid way, but as a kid what did I know lol. I know I wanted to die long before that attempt I just don't know when.

I always wanted to die, like like I had to, needed to. At least until I was 20 I met someone who gave me the best 10 years of my life as we struggled to be together. (Ldr and immigration) now though, they've left and became a different person, the women I married wouldn't even recognize herself now...

So now I'm looking back at the past, my childhood and wondering if maybe I was just lieing too myself these last 10 years. thought I'd beaten the odds beat my destiny. Now I think I was just a fool. Even with her, with my life the terrible to be together was emense and while she gave me some of the best times of my life, trying to be with her were some of my worst. The way she changed, . How suddenly everything fell apart, it's almost comical. It really feels like life was setting me up for this moment, this ending.

 

[Untitled]

I think the original "sanctioned suicide" on Reddit was intended for those who strongly believed that they will CTB in the end, that they are sanctioned to commit suicide.

 

[Moonicide]

Like life will keep pushing you to it because it's what you're meant to do?
Every time I think life can't possibly get worse I'm always amazed at how wrong I am. How can one person have this much bad luck and shit thrown their way?
I swear it's my destiny to commit suicide and the universe won't rest until I do

I feel the same exact way. In many ways I feel like I was born to die, technically we are all born to eventually die. But I knew for the longest time I would not live a long fulfilling life. I always told myself I would end it before I turned 30.

For the longest time I said to myself and others that I simply wasn't supposed to be alive, I wasn't made for this world. Its almost cruel to be alive. I don't know if its destiny as such, but I really am not supposed to be here.

Same. I wasn't supposed to be alive. My mom wanted to abort me, but she was too far along. I was never meant for this world. The world is so cruel, and I am so soft and tender. I feel very deeply.

 

[Ratbat]

Like life will keep pushing you to it because it's what you're meant to do?
Every time I think life can't possibly get worse I'm always amazed at how wrong I am. How can one person have this much bad luck and shit thrown their way?
I swear it's my destiny to commit suicide and the universe won't rest until I do

Totally doesnt matter what i do nothing works out got a plethora of mental problems that werrnt diagnosed when u wad a kid anf having serious problems sociwty. Just sort threw me.to the wayside and tries to make up for it.with therapy lip service

I feel the same exact way. In many ways I feel like I was born to die, technically we are all born to eventually die. But I knew for the longest time I would not live a long fulfilling life. I always told myself I would end it before I turned 30.


Same. I wasn't supposed to be alive. My mom wanted to abort me, but she was too far along. I was never meant for this world. The world is so cruel, and I am so soft and tender. I feel very deeply.

Me to i think

 

[JohnUK]

Yes very much so. Why wait to die when if not happy we can kill ourselves on our own terms

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I do. I keep feeling suicidal and things doesn't seem to get better and even if it does: it will go wrong after that.
There's no way of having a year where it feels like that I had all the luck in my life because my life is shit and I really feel like that suicide will be the way how I die

 

[Ratbat]

Yes very much so. Why wait to die when if not happy we can kill ourselves on our own terms

Fear and si are two.things and hope is a very sad thing

 

[LivingToLong]

I don't believe in destiny so, no, I don't think it's my destiny. But maybe I'm being pedantic, because I kinda know what is meant. There's another word that's been used in this thread that I would agree with though, that is 'inevitable'.

I feel it's inevitable that I will take my own life at some point. I'm reconciled to it now. If I plot my path from where I am now to where I'll (probably) end up then CBT is obvious. I don't see an enjoyable future nor a happy journey getting there. To end it just makes sense.

 

[JohnUK]

Fear and si are two.things and hope is a very sad thing

YEP unfortunately

 

[CyanideSoup]

Yes, I genuinely don't see any other way of me leaving. I want to have the last bit of control over my life anyway. So even if I did get better one day (which would never happen), I wouldn't want to get old and die of illness or rely on other people to help me do everything. I want to be able to decide when it's time and just go.

 

[ValideSultana]

Yes, absolutely I do. I have done for many, many years.