Venting Anyone else feel guilty about finding new friends?

[StupiderJuniper]

This has been something that kinda haunts me the longer I live. A year ago, I had only a few friends who I'd really trust and feel sad for if I died. I was in complete misery, but those few people have let me live long enough to survive until 18 (something I didn't expect). It prolly would have been easier to do back then in retrospect. But as I keep living, I keep meeting new people and becoming friends with some of them. This was great for a few months, they helped my transition (MTF) and are all genuinely kind people, but life has went back to a horrid state. I feel really selfish about it, like I'm just finding more and more people that will eventually be hurt by my eventual end. While it may have been two or three people I'd feel guilty for a while ago, now its a whole group. I'm terrified that this will keep happening, or that I would have to do something horrible to make them all distance themselves from me before I CTB. idk, eitherway I will either end up hurting all of them by CTB or have to ruin myself so they wouldn't care. Its kinda an extra burden I just carry on top of all these thoughts.

I prolly am not the only person who feels like this, but I'm just curious if anyone else has these feelings, and how they manage them.