Venting anyone else feel a burning resentment towards people who managed to access N in the UK before it was impossible to get hold of??

[starnosedmole222]

that should have been me. what makes you think you had more of a right to a peaceful exit than i do?? why do you get to die peacefully and i don't?? it feels like i've had my peaceful exit stolen from me. why can't i just go?? it's selfish to expect me to keep living. "it's for your own good!! things get better!!" i don't care. i won't be sentient anymore, so i literally will not be capable of feeling regret. death means that nothing bad will ever happen to me again. sure, it means nothing good will ever happen to me again, but i won't care, because i won't know what "good" is. and yet there are laws to prevent me from dying because these SELFISH BASTARDS want to force me to stay for THEIR BENEFIT. i happen to know who one of the last people to get N in the UK was, and i can't stop thinking about her and how much i hate her for it. all she had to do was delete her damn search history and the last supplier in the UK wouldn't have gotten caught and jailed. i keep going to her instagram account and scrolling through all her old posts and just raging. raging at the fact that she is the reason i am forced to stay alive against my will, and she doesn't even have to suffer the consequences. i get that she was hurting too and it's a horrible way for me to think, but i can't help it. i feel nothing but utter resentment towards her. she had no more of a right to die than i do, and yet here i am, and here she isn't. fuck this so much. i just want N. is that really so unreasonable?? why are sick animals given N at the vet when they can't even explicitly consent to it, but as soon as it's a human, we're forced to suffer?? if i was a cat, i would have been put down years ago, so why not put me down now??

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not entirely because- they took risks to purchase it. If it were available now, I'm not sure I would take the risk to try and get it. Presumably, it's an illegal drug to buy. I don't want police at the door.

Plus, how can you be certain you aren't being scammed if you do buy? Again- that's another risk.

It's kind of the same when people are envious of those who bought SN. I did- knowing it was risky and knowing it left me open to getting a welfare check- which I did get. Plus, I worked for the money to pay for it. It's not like it's just given to us out of compassion! It's a risk we either choose to take or not. Were you wanting to buy N at the time it was available? What made you decide not to?

That said- I do pity people who's situations mean it is all the more difficult to get ahold of, eg. Those living with others- where a welfare check would be much worse.

My anger is more towards our governments/ society- that makes it so difficult to exit though- rather than towards individuals- unless they compromised a source or something.

I suppose if anything, I think they're brave for taking the risk in the first place. Plus- it just seemed sensible to try and get hold of SN when I did. The same goes for other things really. It seems obvious that our governments are cracking down increasingly hard on things like SN.

 

[Bishop]

No. Why resent people I don't know. More envious and happy that they were able to.

 

[Forveleth]

No. Being jealous of other people is negative energy that I do not need in my life.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I'm angry at the government monsters. it's the government creeps who went all the way to Mexico and arrested D , "N from D".

D sold Nembutal online for at lest 15 years delivered to your door. . email was in the PPH.

he'd still be in business if the government monsters had not arrested him.

there are many threads here on this site of people buying his N and proving it was the best .

 

[iguazo falls]

not really resentment for a fellow suicidal person, because if you are hurting a lot then you dont really think much about what your search history is (or you genuinely didnt know what police check through, this is a question i'd actually like to know most about because i can prepare accordingly and just leave pig related queries instead). i just feel resentful towards authorities because i've seeked "help" and 9 times out of 10 you are just another quota to "solve" in the shortest amt of time and resources to them. i wonder what the stats dept would catagorise my death as in their books.

 

[xXSufferingXx]

No. Why resent people I don't know. More envious and happy that they were able to.

exactly