Discussion Anyone else falling behind, because of CTB plans?

[Majin K.]

Anyone else here who's grades or overall performance has sunken rapidly, since they're planning to die anyways? It's a spiral really, I have been planning to CTB even before starting my schooling at my current employer and thus never put in as much effort as I really should. I'm literally writing an important exam on Wednesday and have barely learned for it at all, because I just don't see the point. Even if my plans to CTB with my CTB partner should fail, I think I should just enjoy the little bit of life that I have left before showing life the middle finger by attempting to end it all.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm over a decade behind.

 

[Proto]

I have always lived with plans to CBT and it's part of my depression and depression has crippled me and ruined my life so yeah...

 

[Majin K.]

I have always lived with plans to CBT and it's part of my depression and depression has crippled me and ruined my life so yeah...

You're still here though, what's keeping you from it? Sounds like you've been planning to do it for years now.

 

[Proto]

You're still here though, what's keeping you from it? Sounds like you've been planning to do it for years now.

Mainly my dad he's very caring and loving for me. I don't want him to suffer so i have to be absolutely sure i tried everything i can to make my life manageable. I feel guilt that's what has prevented me of doing it up till now. Having said that i want to have the means to CTB available so that's why I'm still in the process of getting my nitrogen scuba setup. I feel my life expectancy is not much more than a year now.

 

[Majin K.]

Mainly my dad he's very caring and loving for me. I don't want him to suffer so i have to be absolutely sure i tried everything i can to make my life manageable. I feel guilt that's what has prevented me of doing it up till now. Having said that i want to have the means to CTB available so that's why I'm still in the process of getting my nitrogen scuba setup. I feel my life expectancy is not much more than a year now.

Hahahaha in a way my dad is part of the reason why I want to die. I mean I really don't want to do this for the sake of my mother and little brother, but I've concluded that suffering for the sake of others is foolish behavior. Catching the bus is something I need to do for myself.

 

[Proto]

Hahahaha in a way my dad is part of the reason why I want to die. I mean I really don't want to do this for the sake of my mother and little brother, but I've concluded that suffering for the sake of others is foolish behavior. Catching the bus is something I need to do for myself.

Yeah well i'm still a bit conflicted about it and willing to try microdosing shrooms, already tried a list of medications... Thinking of doing ayahuasca as well. My problems have always been mental not physical. But i believe that i will end my life myself sooner or later regardless, just trying to get the life expectation up. Also i'm open about my problems with my family, when i told them they knew and always expected it. But they are supportive and that's what matters.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I quit my job and stopped paying bills because I was that convinced and set on killing myself.

 

[Majin K.]

I quit my job and stopped paying bills because I was that convinced and set on killing myself.

What went wrong?

 

[BPD Barbie]

What went wrong?

To stop me from ctb? Meds kicked in and here I am, on my recovery journey.