Discussion Anyone else experienced this?

[rigsid]

Lying in bed rn after 12 hours of sleep because I'd rather be asleep rn

I experience an almost constant and often unbearable mental pain that I wake up feeling. It's akin to feeling depressed but to a point where it's suffocating.

The feeling makes me suicidal because it's honestly so agonizing and there's no cure.

I have a low pain tolerance and usually take an ibuprofen or similar straight away if I'm in any real pain.

But of course that doesn't work on this, nor does any actual treatment.

Anyone else experience this? I don't see a reason to keep living like this. I've been dealing with this specific symptom for about 3 or 4 years and it's progressively getting worse.

 

[blacksand]

Yep I get attacks of it about once a week. A strong urge to get in my car and "run" from it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@rigsid You sound like me. Awareness of how badly I've lived my life is constant and very painful. I wake up around 3am usually and lie in bed until 5 or 6am trying to empty my mind. I can't really think--I'm well into "cognitive deconstruction."

Only a gun can stop this. SN delivery failed. Hanging proved too painful (I proved too cowardly). It's terrifying to throw yourself into eternity. But there's no way I can recover and work fast food or something. The horror never stops.

 

[rigsid]

@rigsid You sound like me. Awareness of how badly I've lived my life is constant and very painful. I wake up around 3am usually and lie in bed until 5 or 6am trying to empty my mind. I can't really think--I'm well into "cognitive deconstruction."

Only a gun can stop this. SN delivery failed. Hanging proved too painful (I proved too cowardly). It's terrifying to throw yourself into eternity. But there's no way I can recover and work fast food or something. The horror never stops.

I feel you. It's hard to think clearly for me too unless it's about CTB.

I'm really upset I can't get N or SN or similar as I know that would work. It's unfair it's so hard for us.

Like you I'm also very scared of death but recently I've realised life scares me way more.