Anyone else curious how much farther they can fall mentally?

[Ambivalent1]

I wonder what middle age will look like. Will I be like Gollum - a tortured bestial creature eating fishes? (Rhetorical)

 

[SVEN]

I'm more scared than curious.

 

[DeathSleep]

Yeah, I'm scared to find out.

 

[NoStanding]

My mentality is like a loop. I go through stages like: be okay and sociable; feel completely extroverted and want to talk to everyone; social battery is drained and I really can't stand talking to, or seeing people (even people I know and am comfortable with); look for ways to get motivation back and be depressed for a while and then repeat. I hate this mindset and I hope it changes. I feel like I can't exactly fall because I always end up right back where I started. Stage 1.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally dread to think of what lies ahead, I only wish for the complete absence of everything. This existence where there is unlimited potential to suffer truly repulses me, I see no benefit to being trapped here when we are destined for nothing but to be tormented by old age, existing is just a futile process of slowly dying that could never appeal to me.

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

My mentality is like a loop. I go through stages like: be okay and sociable; feel completely extroverted and want to talk to everyone; social battery is drained and I really can't stand talking to, or seeing people (even people I know and am comfortable with); look for ways to get motivation back and be depressed for a while and then repeat. I hate this mindset and I hope it changes. I feel like I can't exactly fall because I always end up right back where I started. Stage 1.

I'm stuck in the same loop. It has brought me a lot of sorrow and regret.

 

[SpiderLink]

I wonder what middle age will look like. Will I be like Gollum - a tortured bestial creature eating fishes? (Rhetorical)

I can't imagine anything worse than how I'm feeling now, but terrified what could possibly be worse

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

Yeah, I sometimes think I can't be feeling any worse but to my amusement I do.
Human body really is a wonder for me.

I understand if these way to look at this is a bit morbed, but it's okay, I'm conscious about it and I'm sorry if it disturbed you.

 

[Valky]

Yea no, thank you, I do not wonder

 

[Jallu55]

Yes, particularly I have been thinking about if my anxiety OCD could "evolve" into paranoid schizophrenia at some point.

 

[ggetout33]

I would rather not find out in all honesty

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

I think I'm already at that point because I just say how i feel sometimes out loud. when I realized no one really stops me from saying anything, I kinda, just start saying and doing what I want? like yeah, I'm getting worse, but who cares?

 

[telro]

nononononononononononono

 

[NoStanding]

I'm stuck in the same loop. It has brought me a lot of sorrow and regret.

Yeah I know what you mean. I'm just trying to find a way to stay in the good stages tbh

 

[PoisonedOxygen]

I'd better not find out as the amount of effort I was putting in to get better for these 4 years only turned out to get me worse I can't imagine how insane I'd be in 15 years or so.

 

[charlotte_]

I do wonder, but I hope I won't have to witness it. I'm already fucked enough now, it would probably be too tragic to see it even worse.

 

[dimstar]

There was a time I wanted this. If felt like my depression and anxiety was me sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean. It became easier and easier to sink deeper as more water was above me, but likewise it became harder and harder to swim up. I said screw it let's see what's down there let's see what most people will never see. Almost took pride in it, took comfort in my efforts. Now I'm afraid and it seems like I'll never be able to breathe air again. I wish I hadn't let myself keep sinking. Its lead me to nothing but extreme anxiety and depression, it wasnt worth finding out. It's why I'm looking to ctb, sinking is easy but swimming up feels impossible at this point.

 

[Ambivalent1]

There was a time I wanted this. If felt like my depression and anxiety was me sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean. It became easier and easier to sink deeper as more water was above me, but likewise it became harder and harder to swim up. I said screw it let's see what's down there let's see what most people will never see. Almost took pride in it, took comfort in my efforts. Now I'm afraid and it seems like I'll never be able to breathe air again. I wish I hadn't let myself keep sinking. Its lead me to nothing but extreme anxiety and depression, it wasnt worth finding out. It's why I'm looking to ctb, sinking is easy but swimming up feels impossible at this point.

When I was a Christian, I wanted to see hell. I got my wish