Anybody suddenly get pushed out of suicidal ideation and u don’t know why?

[Final Escape]

It was very strange today, I looked at all the material and planning my suicide and it was as if I suddenly felt like. Wait what the hell am I doing? It was as though something broke the tunnel vision that was very set on killing myself like immediately. Has this happened to anyone else. Where u don't understand how u can swing from that state back to a normal state. Maybe it's bipolar I don't know. Something broke the spell and suddenly suicide made no sense to me. It's quite a shift.

 

[comfortablydumb]

It's probably because looking at the material makes it all real. Suicidal ideation is, after all, by definition a "fantasy". Actually setting up a contraption that will kill you takes it from thoughts and rumination to something that will actually end your life once you use it.

I have had my suicidal ideation drift off plenty of times, but never because I've entered into serious planning and/or obtained materials - I've never done that. Usually, it's been because of an improvement in my mood/motivation/outlook.

I've swung back now, and I know what you mean about how "confusing"/jarring/whatever that can be. "How could I feel one way just the other day, and a different way now?" It doesn't seem "right". But if anything, it underscores how fickle our emotional states can be. There are a few users on the forum who display this cocksure, grandiose idea that they have it all figured out - they see right through this risible charade that is existence and bla bla bla.

David Foster Wallace put it in more simple and modest terms - a suicidal person feels like they're in a burning building. They don't want to jump, but it's unbearable to stay in that building. I guess that some days, our inscrutable brain has us waking up in a different building.

All of the fancy talk about existential/philosophical angst or nihilism or what have you, it tends to smack of someone trying to convince themselves.

 

[shattered dreams]

It was very strange today, I looked at all the material and planning my suicide and it was as if I suddenly felt like. Wait what the hell am I doing? It was as though something broke the tunnel vision that was very set on killing myself like immediately. Has this happened to anyone else. Where u don't understand how u can swing from that state back to a normal state. Maybe it's bipolar I don't know. Something broke the spell and suddenly suicide made no sense to me. It's quite a shift.

So happy to hear this!

 

[iamthezero]

It was very strange today, I looked at all the material and planning my suicide and it was as if I suddenly felt like. Wait what the hell am I doing? It was as though something broke the tunnel vision that was very set on killing myself like immediately. Has this happened to anyone else. Where u don't understand how u can swing from that state back to a normal state. Maybe it's bipolar I don't know. Something broke the spell and suddenly suicide made no sense to me. It's quite a shift.

Honestly, that's a pretty great thing to hear. Hope you can take the steps to figure it out.

For me I have BPD & BD and ive been off all my meds for a few months, so the in and out is a constant thing.

 

[Ashpac]

Yes, my optimism has decided to take over today which is suprising since Ive only had 1 hour's sleep.

 

[Comatose11]

I remember I once bought 200 pills and was planning to take them all. After a few handfuls, I wondered what I was doing. I had already taken around 100 pills at that point and deeply regretted it. I think the survival instinct kicked in.

 

[iamthezero]

Yes, my optimism has decided to take over today which is suprising since Ive only had 1 hour's sleep.

Try to take advantage of it while it's here.

 

[iamthezero]

I remember I once bought 200 pills and was planning to take them all. After a few handfuls, I wondered what I was doing. I had already taken around 100 pills at that point and deeply regretted it. I think the survival instinct kicked in.

I can't tell you how many times I've unintentionally saved my own life. Even the time I undid my seat belt once the car door was able to be opened and escaped....now i even look back sometimes like why the hell would i interfere, but that's when things are bad.

 

[Ashpac]

Try to take advantage of it while it's here.

I have like 2 days a week when the optimism kicks in. It could be because the football season is starting soon, who knows :)

 

[Ice Poseidon]

It was very strange today, I looked at all the material and planning my suicide and it was as if I suddenly felt like. Wait what the hell am I doing? It was as though something broke the tunnel vision that was very set on killing myself like immediately. Has this happened to anyone else. Where u don't understand how u can swing from that state back to a normal state. Maybe it's bipolar I don't know. Something broke the spell and suddenly suicide made no sense to me. It's quite a shift.

I was so sure I was going to CTB, but I no longer want to.
Maybe I'm just going through a cycle.
I want to drag this existence out for now.

 

[creatureoflight]

I am very happy to hear that!!
Good luck to you!

 

[Gray Wounds]

It's probably because looking at the material makes it all real. Suicidal ideation is, after all, by definition a "fantasy". Actually setting up a contraption that will kill you takes it from thoughts and rumination to something that will actually end your life once you use it.

I have had my suicidal ideation drift off plenty of times, but never because I've entered into serious planning and/or obtained materials - I've never done that. Usually, it's been because of an improvement in my mood/motivation/outlook.

I've swung back now, and I know what you mean about how "confusing"/jarring/whatever that can be. "How could I feel one way just the other day, and a different way now?" It doesn't seem "right". But if anything, it underscores how fickle our emotional states can be. There are a few users on the forum who display this cocksure, grandiose idea that they have it all figured out - they see right through this risible charade that is existence and bla bla bla.

David Foster Wallace put it in more simple and modest terms - a suicidal person feels like they're in a burning building. They don't want to jump, but it's unbearable to stay in that building. I guess that some days, our inscrutable brain has us waking up in a different building.

All of the fancy talk about existential/philosophical angst or nihilism or what have you, it tends to smack of someone trying to convince themselves.

i agree to this explanation.

Although that same thing doesn't occur to me, I kind of know how it feels. But I wonder if the strength of the ideation's will to be real will come back.

 

[Peekaf]

This happened to me when my son was born and lasted maybe 18 months. Now I'm ready to go, just have a few things to deal with before I do. I've got 3 or 4 days left at most