M
Miss clefable
Enlightened
- Aug 23, 2018
- 1,577
Star!!!!! So glad you're okay now, and I'm hoping you have a speedy recovery. Um, also look forward to a bunch of frantic messages from me on discord heh..... we love and miss you!! <3Hey everyone!
First off let me say how much love I feel after all that you have worried about me and all the kind words....wow.....there are no words.
Everyone was right, I went out for pizza last week and to the bottle shop. I pulled up outside the Domino's (god, was I being lazy considering I had cooked earlier that day....but nothing appealled to me except pizza) anyhow....I got out to pick up my pizza and I do not remember what happened....only what ppl told me. I know I started to feel odd on my way there. (I have a heart condition as someo of you know) I remember feeling a slight cramp in my chest and all of the sudden not being able to breathe...and the world started to spin and darkness fell. That is all I remember and it only lasted a moment.
I woke up a few days later in ICU/CCU.... My heart gave out it turned out. As a lot of you know I cook like a manic but I have been unable to eat as of late. (something I have talked about) My potassium fell so low that my heart shorted it out (simple terms to what happened) I actaully stopped being alive................yet again. Damn these EMT ppl....I mean really!
Anyways...I did not commit not even close. I just wanted a damn pizza and a bottle of something to numb the pain inside my head (I am so ashamed of that) and I died. But here I am...AGAIN!!! I am still in hospital but out of ICU (CCU) and I am in the cardic ward. Someone brought me my charger so this is my first contact...plus I have not been totally with it.
Also anyone worried about Mouse...she is fine. Thankfully I have a neighbor that looked in on her....granted she had to break the window but hey! I do not care. Mouse is important to me as should all life be outside of ours. (FYI...I am still highly medicated and so if I sound....looney that is why)
I have spent a few days "awake" if you will in ICU/CCU and I have missed you all. When I was able to log back in I couldn't believe the "love" I felt from you all. I had no idea my presence was something to be had. You all have humbled me.
Like the rest of you, I am going on one day soon....I just have something I have to do first. As a couple of you eluded to.
I am now 7 days sober and it feels.....down right odd..I still have cravings (in the time I have been awake and in even my dreams...yep seriously) I am more clear headed than I have been in a very long time...this is a good thing because my mind set has not changed and I know where I am headed. Now I just know I can get there a little sooner when the moment finally arrives. I owe a lot of this to someone dear to me....you know how you are my dear friend...as you sent me in the direction I was looking for....forever am I grateful to you.
I am alive however I am here for another few days and so I may not be online much if at all. They have me pretty sedated as I am still going not only through DT's but also a regium of Potassium and a bunch of other stuff. I have a nuclear test scheduled for later today to see the damange to my heart wall. (It was already bad before...so I can only image now)
Thank you all...for you kind and loving words and can I just say....I miss you all so much. I even had some odd...dreams about the people I chat to normally. They were good, do put your mind to rest on that...just interesting in the fact that I was already dead in the dreams but still talking to everyone. Alas...I blame the drugs. LOL
Again...I miss you..and I will talk to you as soon as I can and if that is not until next week or just here and there...know that I am thinking of you all and I cannot wait to get back to our chats!
Love,
Star Dust
Glad you are back and becoming okay again... I really missed. I hope you get better soon <3Hey everyone!
First off let me say how much love I feel after all that you have worried about me and all the kind words....wow.....there are no words.
Everyone was right, I went out for pizza last week and to the bottle shop. I pulled up outside the Domino's (god, was I being lazy considering I had cooked earlier that day....but nothing appealled to me except pizza) anyhow....I got out to pick up my pizza and I do not remember what happened....only what ppl told me. I know I started to feel odd on my way there. (I have a heart condition as someo of you know) I remember feeling a slight cramp in my chest and all of the sudden not being able to breathe...and the world started to spin and darkness fell. That is all I remember and it only lasted a moment.
I woke up a few days later in ICU/CCU.... My heart gave out it turned out. As a lot of you know I cook like a manic but I have been unable to eat as of late. (something I have talked about) My potassium fell so low that my heart shorted it out (simple terms to what happened) I actaully stopped being alive................yet again. Damn these EMT ppl....I mean really!
Anyways...I did not commit not even close. I just wanted a damn pizza and a bottle of something to numb the pain inside my head (I am so ashamed of that) and I died. But here I am...AGAIN!!! I am still in hospital but out of ICU (CCU) and I am in the cardic ward. Someone brought me my charger so this is my first contact...plus I have not been totally with it.
Also anyone worried about Mouse...she is fine. Thankfully I have a neighbor that looked in on her....granted she had to break the window but hey! I do not care. Mouse is important to me as should all life be outside of ours. (FYI...I am still highly medicated and so if I sound....looney that is why)
I have spent a few days "awake" if you will in ICU/CCU and I have missed you all. When I was able to log back in I couldn't believe the "love" I felt from you all. I had no idea my presence was something to be had. You all have humbled me.
Like the rest of you, I am going on one day soon....I just have something I have to do first. As a couple of you eluded to.
I am now 7 days sober and it feels.....down right odd..I still have cravings (in the time I have been awake and in even my dreams...yep seriously) I am more clear headed than I have been in a very long time...this is a good thing because my mind set has not changed and I know where I am headed. Now I just know I can get there a little sooner when the moment finally arrives. I owe a lot of this to someone dear to me....you know how you are my dear friend...as you sent me in the direction I was looking for....forever am I grateful to you.
I am alive however I am here for another few days and so I may not be online much if at all. They have me pretty sedated as I am still going not only through DT's but also a regium of Potassium and a bunch of other stuff. I have a nuclear test scheduled for later today to see the damange to my heart wall. (It was already bad before...so I can only image now)
Thank you all...for you kind and loving words and can I just say....I miss you all so much. I even had some odd...dreams about the people I chat to normally. They were good, do put your mind to rest on that...just interesting in the fact that I was already dead in the dreams but still talking to everyone. Alas...I blame the drugs. LOL
Again...I miss you..and I will talk to you as soon as I can and if that is not until next week or just here and there...know that I am thinking of you all and I cannot wait to get back to our chats!
Love,
Star Dust
<3 purrthank you all...I really do love you and have become so fond of you all....
I did not know i could get more depressed but i did after reading this... :(So I need a heart transplant if I wish to even surive....does anyone else find this ironic to no end? LOL!!!!! I refuse to be on one for obvious reasons, there are so many people in the world that need one vs me.
So without one I have been given the shelf life of 3 months..which works out perfectly to my timeline. But then again, I have known ppl with cancer that have been given 6 mos and live for 20. However that will not be me; obviously. But I am just saying.
FYI..I have had one of these test before and I will say again...OMG it's horrid. They induce you into a false cardiac event and for someone like me with heart damange it is painful and scary. I can handle a lot of things, I will be honest...anyone that knows me on here knows that to be true but dear lord and Jesus Christ on a cracker....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
They said if I stay stable for the next couple of days that I can go home and see me Mouse-A-Roo. I know she misses me as much as I miss her.t
Glad you are going home tomorrow yay!Hey guys, totally still alive ATM! I was transferred into a different unit and I couldn't have any electronics in there due to the equipment. I am due to go home tomorrow with some in home health care. (yay @home in home health care...not so much) I am ready to see my Mouse-A-Roo, I miss her so much.
I have also missed being on here as well. I will do my best to catch up as I go. I am 2 weeks sober today (if my memory serves me correctly) and I feel great on that part. NGB you were not kidding at the clarity....still a little jittery but that is nothing compared to what I have been through over the last 2 weeks. SMH
If I am quite it is just because I am currently trying to transition back into my life outside of hospital.
Thank you all for the love and for the caring. I hope you are all "well" ...eh, you know what I mean.
Hey guys, totally still alive ATM! I was transferred into a different unit and I couldn't have any electronics in there due to the equipment. I am due to go home tomorrow with some in home health care. (yay @home in home health care...not so much) I am ready to see my Mouse-A-Roo, I miss her so much.
I have also missed being on here as well. I will do my best to catch up as I go. I am 2 weeks sober today (if my memory serves me correctly) and I feel great on that part. NGB you were not kidding at the clarity....still a little jittery but that is nothing compared to what I have been through over the last 2 weeks. SMH
If I am quite it is just because I am currently trying to transition back into my life outside of hospital.
Thank you all for the love and for the caring. I hope you are all "well" ...eh, you know what I mean.