M
Miss clefable
Enlightened
- Aug 23, 2018
- 1,577
As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.
Star!!!!! So glad you're okay now, and I'm hoping you have a speedy recovery. Um, also look forward to a bunch of frantic messages from me on discord heh..... we love and miss you!! <3Hey everyone!
First off let me say how much love I feel after all that you have worried about me and all the kind words....wow.....there are no words.
Everyone was right, I went out for pizza last week and to the bottle shop. I pulled up outside the Domino's (god, was I being lazy considering I had cooked earlier that day....but nothing appealled to me except pizza) anyhow....I got out to pick up my pizza and I do not remember what happened....only what ppl told me. I know I started to feel odd on my way there. (I have a heart condition as someo of you know) I remember feeling a slight cramp in my chest and all of the sudden not being able to breathe...and the world started to spin and darkness fell. That is all I remember and it only lasted a moment.
I woke up a few days later in ICU/CCU.... My heart gave out it turned out. As a lot of you know I cook like a manic but I have been unable to eat as of late. (something I have talked about) My potassium fell so low that my heart shorted it out (simple terms to what happened) I actaully stopped being alive................yet again. Damn these EMT ppl....I mean really!
Anyways...I did not commit not even close. I just wanted a damn pizza and a bottle of something to numb the pain inside my head (I am so ashamed of that) and I died. But here I am...AGAIN!!! I am still in hospital but out of ICU (CCU) and I am in the cardic ward. Someone brought me my charger so this is my first contact...plus I have not been totally with it.
Also anyone worried about Mouse...she is fine. Thankfully I have a neighbor that looked in on her....granted she had to break the window but hey! I do not care. Mouse is important to me as should all life be outside of ours. (FYI...I am still highly medicated and so if I sound....looney that is why)
I have spent a few days "awake" if you will in ICU/CCU and I have missed you all. When I was able to log back in I couldn't believe the "love" I felt from you all. I had no idea my presence was something to be had. You all have humbled me.
Like the rest of you, I am going on one day soon....I just have something I have to do first. As a couple of you eluded to.
I am now 7 days sober and it feels.....down right odd..I still have cravings (in the time I have been awake and in even my dreams...yep seriously) I am more clear headed than I have been in a very long time...this is a good thing because my mind set has not changed and I know where I am headed. Now I just know I can get there a little sooner when the moment finally arrives. I owe a lot of this to someone dear to me....you know how you are my dear friend...as you sent me in the direction I was looking for....forever am I grateful to you.
I am alive however I am here for another few days and so I may not be online much if at all. They have me pretty sedated as I am still going not only through DT's but also a regium of Potassium and a bunch of other stuff. I have a nuclear test scheduled for later today to see the damange to my heart wall. (It was already bad before...so I can only image now)
Thank you all...for you kind and loving words and can I just say....I miss you all so much. I even had some odd...dreams about the people I chat to normally. They were good, do put your mind to rest on that...just interesting in the fact that I was already dead in the dreams but still talking to everyone. Alas...I blame the drugs. LOL
Again...I miss you..and I will talk to you as soon as I can and if that is not until next week or just here and there...know that I am thinking of you all and I cannot wait to get back to our chats!
Love,
Star Dust
Glad you are back and becoming okay again... I really missed. I hope you get better soon <3Hey everyone!
First off let me say how much love I feel after all that you have worried about me and all the kind words....wow.....there are no words.
Everyone was right, I went out for pizza last week and to the bottle shop. I pulled up outside the Domino's (god, was I being lazy considering I had cooked earlier that day....but nothing appealled to me except pizza) anyhow....I got out to pick up my pizza and I do not remember what happened....only what ppl told me. I know I started to feel odd on my way there. (I have a heart condition as someo of you know) I remember feeling a slight cramp in my chest and all of the sudden not being able to breathe...and the world started to spin and darkness fell. That is all I remember and it only lasted a moment.
I woke up a few days later in ICU/CCU.... My heart gave out it turned out. As a lot of you know I cook like a manic but I have been unable to eat as of late. (something I have talked about) My potassium fell so low that my heart shorted it out (simple terms to what happened) I actaully stopped being alive................yet again. Damn these EMT ppl....I mean really!
Anyways...I did not commit not even close. I just wanted a damn pizza and a bottle of something to numb the pain inside my head (I am so ashamed of that) and I died. But here I am...AGAIN!!! I am still in hospital but out of ICU (CCU) and I am in the cardic ward. Someone brought me my charger so this is my first contact...plus I have not been totally with it.
Also anyone worried about Mouse...she is fine. Thankfully I have a neighbor that looked in on her....granted she had to break the window but hey! I do not care. Mouse is important to me as should all life be outside of ours. (FYI...I am still highly medicated and so if I sound....looney that is why)
I have spent a few days "awake" if you will in ICU/CCU and I have missed you all. When I was able to log back in I couldn't believe the "love" I felt from you all. I had no idea my presence was something to be had. You all have humbled me.
Like the rest of you, I am going on one day soon....I just have something I have to do first. As a couple of you eluded to.
I am now 7 days sober and it feels.....down right odd..I still have cravings (in the time I have been awake and in even my dreams...yep seriously) I am more clear headed than I have been in a very long time...this is a good thing because my mind set has not changed and I know where I am headed. Now I just know I can get there a little sooner when the moment finally arrives. I owe a lot of this to someone dear to me....you know how you are my dear friend...as you sent me in the direction I was looking for....forever am I grateful to you.
I am alive however I am here for another few days and so I may not be online much if at all. They have me pretty sedated as I am still going not only through DT's but also a regium of Potassium and a bunch of other stuff. I have a nuclear test scheduled for later today to see the damange to my heart wall. (It was already bad before...so I can only image now)
Thank you all...for you kind and loving words and can I just say....I miss you all so much. I even had some odd...dreams about the people I chat to normally. They were good, do put your mind to rest on that...just interesting in the fact that I was already dead in the dreams but still talking to everyone. Alas...I blame the drugs. LOL
Again...I miss you..and I will talk to you as soon as I can and if that is not until next week or just here and there...know that I am thinking of you all and I cannot wait to get back to our chats!
Love,
Star Dust
<3 purrthank you all...I really do love you and have become so fond of you all....
I did not know i could get more depressed but i did after reading this... :(So I need a heart transplant if I wish to even surive....does anyone else find this ironic to no end? LOL!!!!! I refuse to be on one for obvious reasons, there are so many people in the world that need one vs me.
So without one I have been given the shelf life of 3 months..which works out perfectly to my timeline. But then again, I have known ppl with cancer that have been given 6 mos and live for 20. However that will not be me; obviously. But I am just saying.
FYI..I have had one of these test before and I will say again...OMG it's horrid. They induce you into a false cardiac event and for someone like me with heart damange it is painful and scary. I can handle a lot of things, I will be honest...anyone that knows me on here knows that to be true but dear lord and Jesus Christ on a cracker....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
They said if I stay stable for the next couple of days that I can go home and see me Mouse-A-Roo. I know she misses me as much as I miss her.t
Glad you are going home tomorrow yay!Hey guys, totally still alive ATM! I was transferred into a different unit and I couldn't have any electronics in there due to the equipment. I am due to go home tomorrow with some in home health care. (yay @home in home health care...not so much) I am ready to see my Mouse-A-Roo, I miss her so much.
I have also missed being on here as well. I will do my best to catch up as I go. I am 2 weeks sober today (if my memory serves me correctly) and I feel great on that part. NGB you were not kidding at the clarity....still a little jittery but that is nothing compared to what I have been through over the last 2 weeks. SMH
If I am quite it is just because I am currently trying to transition back into my life outside of hospital.
Thank you all for the love and for the caring. I hope you are all "well" ...eh, you know what I mean.
Hey guys, totally still alive ATM! I was transferred into a different unit and I couldn't have any electronics in there due to the equipment. I am due to go home tomorrow with some in home health care. (yay @home in home health care...not so much) I am ready to see my Mouse-A-Roo, I miss her so much.
I have also missed being on here as well. I will do my best to catch up as I go. I am 2 weeks sober today (if my memory serves me correctly) and I feel great on that part. NGB you were not kidding at the clarity....still a little jittery but that is nothing compared to what I have been through over the last 2 weeks. SMH
If I am quite it is just because I am currently trying to transition back into my life outside of hospital.
Thank you all for the love and for the caring. I hope you are all "well" ...eh, you know what I mean.