I relate to this. In school (while all the bullshit was going on) it was clear as day always written all over my face, but I never said anything. Ive carried that face over to adulthood and I cant fix it now. Im not in the same situation but Im still suffering.
Brazil. Both are also very cheap on here. I can buy both from an online pharmacy for 20 reais (±5 dollars).
That's literally the same for me. And I mean almost word for word! I think I could have a shot at a normal life but I could never live it. It's way too depressing for me and way too soul crashing. Just thinking "wake up go to work come home sleep and repeat for the rest of this life" is the most horrible thing to me. I'm still here because I might and only MIGHT have a VERY little chance at my wildest dreams coming true, so I'm still here trying to fight for them. But if they don't work out or if I see that my fight is going nowhere and there are less and less chances of me achieving my dreams then I'll kill myself and get this over with. Or if I won't be able to take this pain while I'm fighting for my dreams, then I'll kill myself even before exhausting every chance and opportunity, because this life is simply not for me and it hurts way too much to just breath. I can't do this. I don't want to do this.
Know you're not alone friend I can relate a lot to this, you're taxed for just breathing and never let's up even when you're down. I could have written this. In 2016 I had a complete meltdown I lost complete contact with the only person that has ever loved me and dam I lost all my savings, pets I almost had to move in with my parents but I somehow found the will to get out of it and here I am again,just lost my job in rent and council tax arrears I just don't know if I have it in me to do it again in this endless clown world or get money from other people and survive without my motivation I have decided to CTB and I'm getting what I need ready then night night soon it's at the point although I'm spiritual and have no fears relating to death even nothingness would be better than surviving in this reality.
Life is a joke, work yourself to death and that's it?
I hear you i used to work in management the job was easy to me but all your life is work, I thought maybe I needed to do something more meaningful and I started working in care homes I enjoyed my job mostly meeting people getting to know them but then again 12 hour days or nights standard and your one management change away from being fired that burned me out just as much. I'm here with tax and rent arrears, credit card bills etc it's all just one never ending circus and I'm ready to get off.
Very well said, sometimes no matter how hard u try u dont reach where u want reach, losing all what u have at a sudden is really painful and irreversible:(
Yes, I can relate to both of these things. I was an actual throwaway to my birth mom, and the mom who did raise me didn't pay attention to anything about me. To this day she remembers me as this happy child. Meanwhile my adopted sister rememberers me as the saddest child ever. I ended developing a severe rage to cover it, and it served me well. Unfortunately I found a decent therapist who managed to get under that rage. I cry every day now for the person I could have been. I mean, I was cool for awhile, but it was like one day I woke up and realized how bad things are and how they will never get better.
Me too. I think my happiest moments have been daydreaming or dreaming about a happier future that never came, or escaping through books/movies/TV, or a combination of the two (using media as a way to imagine a different future). As time went on the likelihood of this future went down and down until now I'm at the point where there is no use pretending. I must go. I am so sad.
