Venting anybody else just kinda floating through life with no purpose?

[sexual-sinning]

i joined the military in order to feel like i had a purpose and for the camaraderie and whatnot, but i actually ended up being extremely lonely. most days i felt like i was suffocating from the loneliness, it was so bad that it triggered my first suicide attempt. i ended up getting kicked out last year and now i'm just kinda floating through life with no idea what i want to do with it, and also in a shitton of debt because i listened to my parents horrible financial advice. just been working shitty dead end jobs and i'm afraid of going to college and racking up more debt because i don't even have an idea of what i want to do.

most of the reason i wanted to kill myself back then is still present. i'm horrible at socializing, i don't envision having a fulfilling social life or making any new friends, and i still don't care enough about anything to put any kind of actual effort in. i just have some new reasons now. mainly that i'm experiencing crippling poverty and i don't have any purpose or direction anymore. yay.

i tried to ctb a few months ago in a pathetic attempt of a car crash. ended up destroying my spine, and now i'm in pain everyday because of it. i probably would've tried again already if i wasn't afraid of my friend trying to end it as well.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well, if you want to go back to school and take on more debt, you should definitely do full research before and pick something that is likely to help your financial situation, not worsen it as well as something that will hold your interest.

I feel you on being disconnected and aimless. It's how I have been the past several years and in general. There was a time I tried living with real purpose but life apparently didn't want to humor me any more and my eternal problems got in the way.

What you just went through with the car crash sounds absolutely devastating; I'm so sorry. Any kind of treatment helping with the recovery?

 

[sexual-sinning]

Well, if you want to go back to school and take on more debt, you should definitely do full research before and pick something that is likely to help your financial situation, not worsen it as well as something that will hold your interest.

I feel you on being disconnected and aimless. It's how I have been the past several years and in general. There was a time I tried living with real purpose but life apparently didn't want to humor me any more and my eternal problems got in the way.

What you just went through with the car crash sounds absolutely devastating; I'm so sorry. Any kind of treatment helping with the recovery?

thanks for the condolences. its usually only when i bend that i have pain, so not a whole lot of treatment is needed. i stopped going to therapy as i felt like i had nothing to talk about and i stopped taking my meds, because i figured that i would only feel good emotionally if my shitty situation changed. maybe i should start those things up again, but idk. what good will it do if i can't escape my situation for the foreseeable future?

i'm thinking of becoming a cna to see if i'll enjoy nursing before going to school for it, but other than that, i literally have no clue what would interest me and make enough money to be worth it

 

[LaVieEnRose]

thanks for the condolences. its usually only when i bend that i have pain, so not a whole lot of treatment is needed. i stopped going to therapy as i felt like i had nothing to talk about and i stopped taking my meds, because i figured that i would only feel good emotionally if my shitty situation changed. maybe i should start those things up again, but idk. what good will it do if i can't escape my situation for the foreseeable future?

i'm thinking of becoming a cna to see if i'll enjoy nursing before going to school for it, but other than that, i literally have no clue what would interest me and make enough money to be worth it

Nursing will definitely make you enough money. Whether you like it remains to be seen.

 

[Timothy7dff]

As long as you're not on a deep state torture list, you have some hope.

 

[hoppybunny]

So sorry about what happened with the crash. I hope the pain lessens. I feel you about not having enough passion and wandering aimlessly. I believe my passion lies in art but I'm still kind of wandering aimlessly cause I grew up with parents valuing riches and material things and careers like being a doctor, engineer or lawyer. So I'm avoiding life through CBT cause I'm scared of dissapointing my parents since apparently art alone is not enough to make me want to live.

I also stopped therapy too cause my problem lies mostly in my situation.

Money is definitely important though and I do hope you enjoy nursing or it at least makes you enough money to pay for things you'll enjoy.

 

[sexual-sinning]

So sorry about what happened with the crash. I hope the pain lessens. I feel you about not having enough passion and wandering aimlessly. I believe my passion lies in art but I'm still kind of wandering aimlessly cause I grew up with parents valuing riches and material things and careers like being a doctor, engineer or lawyer. So I'm avoiding life through CBT cause I'm scared of dissapointing my parents since apparently art alone is not enough to make me want to live.

I also stopped therapy too cause my problem lies mostly in my situation.

Money is definitely important though and I do hope you enjoy nursing or it at least makes you enough money to pay for things you'll enjoy.

hopefully you figure out a life path that'll get you money soon

you could probably still earn money on the side if you do art just for passion too, i think

wishing you peace

 

[hoppybunny]

hopefully you figure out a life path that'll get you money soon

you could probably still earn money on the side if you do art just for passion too, i think

wishing you peace

Thank you. I'm going into computer science but I really do not want a job where I have to work a 9-5. It's just not my style. Which is one of my main reasons for going with art. I also could do freelance web dev but the uncertainty of cash from those two options are so scary. But we'll see. I have till 2026 before I wither cbt or have figured myself out. Cause that's when I graduate college.