Anybody else get a strange feeling when they think about CTB?

[NotSalmon]

Whenever I think about catching the bus and imminent death in general I get a strange feeling that I cannot quite pinpoint. It's such a dark and mysterious feeling, a sense of doom but a peaceful kind of doom, even some songs I listen to will provoke this emotion. Sometimes it comes as some form of anticipation or an adrenaline rush. What feelings do these thoughts give to you?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I relate to the strange feeling.

mind mentioning which songs?

 

[TheHolySword]

I feel many things. Relief, anxious, sad, peace, melancholy. It's hard to pinpoint really. There is no one feeling, it's both positive and negative. It's a somber but uplifting thought all in one.

 

[NotSalmon]

I relate to the strange feeling.

mind mentioning which songs?

Agalloch - "Of Stone, Wind, and Pillor", "The Melancholy Spirit", "Hallways of Enchanted Ebony"
Death In June - "State Laughter (Oh How We Laughed)"
Joy Division - "In A Lonely Place", "New Dawn Fades"
Laibach - "Brat Moj (1984)"
Most of these I believe just give this feeling because I would listen to them when I was at my worst, but who knows

 

[LostLily]

I feel relief and a sense of power

 

[CatLvr]

I do. But ... That feeling has changed over time. When I first got here it was a feeling of peace. Like it was time for this and I was ready. Over time, as I was reading everyone's stories and the megathreads on ways to do it, I felt it was the right thing for me, still.

But then I reconnected with one of my kids. Now I feel that it will still be right for me BUT now the time is not right. It is amazing to me how ONE text can so quickly change a life. I still study the megathreads. I still have situations where I will choose to leave. I don't see myself dying of "natural causes". But I have time I need to spend with my kids and make sure he is okay before I go. I brought them into this world, so owe them that.