Any experience with dissociating?

[sadanon3]

I'm unable to ctb for several reasons but the pain and feelings of worthlessness are too much to deal with.

I've Been doing some research and it seems dissociation/dissociative disorders are common with trauma survivors. I know that I'm capable of it because my mom was prone to being abusive and I don't really remember it. If I try I can remember the feeling of terror but that's it.

Being able to "turn off" sounds like a dream come true. Does anyone have any experience developing this skill?

Obviously I don't want to traumatize myself and I don't think it really works like that anyway. I'm wondering if there's any mental exercises I can use to put some distance between myself and reality.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't know any exercises to suggest. But having been overwhelmed with reality, I've entirely shut down and kept myself well hidden from reality.

 

[Velvet Fortress]

I'm wondering if there's any mental exercises I can use to put some distance between myself and reality.

I hate to be the guy to bring this mindfulness stuff up, but why not draw the distance between yourself and your thoughts instead?

Btw you probably dissociate as well but don't even know it. Everyone does to some extent.

 

[sadanon3]

I hate to be the guy to bring this mindfulness stuff up, but why not draw the distance between yourself and your thoughts instead?

Btw you probably dissociate as well but don't even know it. Everyone does to some extent.

I do this as well but sometimes it would be nice to go "deeper" on command

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I am pretty disassociated from my emotions. Sure once in a while I may crack a smile at something funny I see on tv/yt, or I'll tear up at the sight of my triggers, but I am overall neither happy, sad, nor angry. I am just depressed, hopeless, helpless, defeated and blank. I am 90% sure that catching the bus is what is best for me, and I am just waiting to be fully sure so I can bypass my SI and guilt about leaving people behind.

Do I actually want to catch the bus? Not really. In an ideal world, I'd have my way as to how I was born, but since that is out of the question, CTB is at least something I can have some control over so it will have to do. I'd rather CTB over the alternatives, tbh.

 

[Velvet Fortress]

I mean I'm a maladaptive daydreamer so talking about escaping reality by going deep, immersive daydreaming is my go to, as it's REALLY potent. Literally gives me spikes of euphoria. Though I've been doing this my entire life, so I don't know how much it takes for it to yield results for unfamiliar people. It's catastrophically addictive, though.

If I were you I'd look into alternative forms of meditative practices that imply visualization. There has to be something out there that could help you soothe yourself.

Sorry, wish I had better advice

 

[Niko66]

Clearly not what you are looking for but ketamine can reproduce the effects of dissociation in a rather controlled manner (absolutely not recommending to take it often as it fucks up your liver among other things potentially) it's not for regular use but it can give you some insight on your life while detached from your depressive thoughts and other issues for a very brief period. (Almost like you were experiencing life from a third person view)

 

[Doombox]

I'm a trauma survivor who dissociates. You're going to have to take my word for it that it's a "skill" you don't want to have. @Velvet Fortress has the best idea IMO...mindfulness exercises.

 

[Glowarm]

Being able to turn off does sound really nice. But sometimes you'll turn off and not realize it. You end up with missing spots in your memory that you'll tell people is just because you have a bad memory. It's a survival coping mechanism, gets you thru bad times for sure. But when bad thoughts creep in you can zone out and miss a lot. Good and bad.