Any advice on survival instincts? Will try in couple days with N.

[bluesrock]

So my story is:
I tried numerous times. Couple times I messed up the method but way more times I just couldn't overcome my survival instincts. There something kicks in on biological level or in that part of mammalian brain that we do not understand well and can't control. I tried to travel couple times to Ireland, where they have high cliffs and no people at night. No matter how drunk I would get I just couldn't jump. Even though, I would be thinking about it and preparing myself mentally for weeks. The same with hanging. I had noose in my apartment for months. I would have no fear until it's time to do the last step. And it would feel quite unpleasant, so it would take me days or weeks to recover to try it again. Alcohol definitely makes it feel easier, but I realised that it needs to be something easy and simple. The mentally easiest method for me was (that eventually created more pain and suffering) was trying to OD on cocaine. I bought 5 grams of coke (I'm not a user, so I have no tolerance to it) and after that I took 1.2 grams of sedatives. After that attempt I woke about 36 hours later with one arm completely dead. Apparently it was nerve damage due to excessive amounts of cocaine. My hand gradually recovered but I was on strong pain killers for months.
The other one that I attempted was S N. I did manage to drink it but I puked everything out after about 5 minutes. After that I figured out that I took too small dose of anti-emetics. I tried to drink SN 3 other times after that. But I always back out just before I need to down it.

I managed to get my hands on N now. My question is how much can I pre-drink before downing it? Is it ok to take N with alcohol? And perhaps you have any other advice on dealing with body and brain freaking out in the last seconds?

 

[RedEther]

Before you try to die, try to live. Do everything possible. Anything you can come up with give it a try. When you are trying to CtB you dont want your mind full of regrets and things you wish you could have done. While your out doing these things you might find something that keeps you going. If not your mind is clear.
Think of whats keeping you hear
it might just be worth living for

 

[bluesrock]

Before you try to die, try to live. Do everything possible. Anything you can come up with give it a try. When you are trying to CtB you dont want your mind full of regrets and things you wish you could have done. While your out doing these things you might find something that keeps you going. If not your mind is clear.
Think of whats keeping you hear
it might just be worth living for

Everyone has their own journey. This is mine. Living doesn't work for everyone.

 

[donewrong]

you cannot really pre-drink N at all since a few sips have been reported to be powerful enough to make you slide rapidly into sleep / unconsciousness, thus leading to abort the attempt, incomplete. although, even as low as 2g could eventually still kill. it's not a game to play. it's advised to consume it all in one go. also, the taste sucks so much you would absolutely not enjoy to take your time little by little anyway

alcohol is fine just before and/or after, with more of a purpose to help to mask or chase the taste (not really effective to be honest). the quantities resolve around a couple glass shots max, not meant to get drunk with timing and even less so nauseous since you don't want to induce regurgitation (similar remark with opioids)

if you never consume benzos and have not built any tolerance to them, you could eventually rely on one to help with anxiety. on the other hand, you should ideally tapper off them weeks in advance if they're already a habit

 

[summers]

Why don't people just inject N, like it's meant to be used?

 

[bluesrock]

Why don't people just inject N, like it's meant to be used?

Because I never injected anything, so I want to keep it simple not to complicate the method. Someone who haven't injected anything unfamiliarity and discomfort might just add an extra level of fear that comes in the last seconds with SI.

you cannot really pre-drink N at all since a few sips have been reported to be powerful enough to make you slide rapidly into sleep / unconsciousness, thus leading to abort the attempt, incomplete. although, even as low as 2g could eventually still kill. it's not a game to play. it's advised to consume it all in one go. also, the taste sucks so much you would absolutely not enjoy to take your time little by little anyway

alcohol is fine just before and/or after, with more of a purpose to help to mask or chase the taste (not really effective to be honest). the quantities resolve around a couple glass shots max, not meant to get drunk with timing and even less so nauseous since you don't want to induce regurgitation (similar remark with opioids)

if you never consume benzos and have not built any tolerance to them, you could eventually rely on one to help with anxiety. on the other hand, you should ideally tapper off them weeks in advance if they're already a habit

I might have used confusing language. By pre-drink I meant to have some alcohol before taking N. It would be very pleasant to exit while drunk, rather than feeling anxious and feeling SI in the last minutes.
Thanks for your reply. I will check out what is benzos.

 

[summers]

Because I never injected anything, so I want to keep it simple not to complicate the method. Someone who haven't injected anything unfamiliarity and discomfort might just add an extra level of fear that comes in the last seconds with SI.

Fair enough. I'm very comfortable with needles and both im and iv injections. For me, that would be much easier and less stressful than drinking something that may cause nausea or vomiting.

 

[xLosthopex]

I badly need advice on this too lol
It's so ironic and unfair because I've made numerous ctb attempts in the past but they were all impulsive(and therefore one could argue irrational) yet it was easier for me to actually attempt ctb then than it is now that I have in fact made a rational decision to want to ctb and put so much thought and planning into it

 

[summers]

I badly need advice on this too lol
It's so ironic and unfair because I've made numerous ctb attempts in the past but they were all impulsive(and therefore one could argue irrational) yet it was easier for me to actually attempt ctb then than it is now that I have in fact made a rational decision to want to ctb and put so much thought and planning into it

Honestly, if your si is so strong you can't do it with maybe a little alcohol, weed, or heroin, then you're really not ready. As you have experienced, impulsive attempts rarely work, which may also have been unconscious si kicking in.

You will 100% know when it's time. It may feel like now is the time to go, but if it were, that decision would greatly overpower your si. The only thing I can think of is using a risky method where failure would result in you being worse off than you are now. For example, failed partial or Co could leave you with permanent brain damage. Failed opioid od could leave you with permanent nervous system damage.

If you are using N or opioids, just opt for iv injection. F patches just recently failed someone, hard to snort enough h to kill you, and there is a chance of vomiting with N taken orally. Practice iv injections until you get comfortable finding a vein, knowing when you're in a vein, and don't have shaky hands through the process.

Wish you all the best.

 

[Stopthepain]

So my story is:
I tried numerous times. Couple times I messed up the method but way more times I just couldn't overcome my survival instincts. There something kicks in on biological level or in that part of mammalian brain that we do not understand well and can't control. I tried to travel couple times to Ireland, where they have high cliffs and no people at night. No matter how drunk I would get I just couldn't jump. Even though, I would be thinking about it and preparing myself mentally for weeks. The same with hanging. I had noose in my apartment for months. I would have no fear until it's time to do the last step. And it would feel quite unpleasant, so it would take me days or weeks to recover to try it again. Alcohol definitely makes it feel easier, but I realised that it needs to be something easy and simple. The mentally easiest method for me was (that eventually created more pain and suffering) was trying to OD on cocaine. I bought 5 grams of coke (I'm not a user, so I have no tolerance to it) and after that I took 1.2 grams of sedatives. After that attempt I woke about 36 hours later with one arm completely dead. Apparently it was nerve damage due to excessive amounts of cocaine. My hand gradually recovered but I was on strong pain killers for months.
The other one that I attempted was S N. I did manage to drink it but I puked everything out after about 5 minutes. After that I figured out that I took too small dose of anti-emetics. I tried to drink SN 3 other times after that. But I always back out just before I need to down it.

I managed to get my hands on N now. My question is how much can I pre-drink before downing it? Is it ok to take N with alcohol? And perhaps you have any other advice on dealing with body and brain freaking out in the last seconds?

Same plan bro. I will use benzos 2 days before to not freak out and keep cool while starting the antiemetics

I badly need advice on this too lol
It's so ironic and unfair because I've made numerous ctb attempts in the past but they were all impulsive(and therefore one could argue irrational) yet it was easier for me to actually attempt ctb then than it is now that I have in fact made a rational decision to want to ctb and put so much thought and planning into it

I feel u it is so much harder in a rational mode

 

[bluesrock]

Same plan bro. I will use benzos 2 days before to not freak out and keep cool while starting the antiemetics

I feel u it is so much harder in a rational mode

I assume it's close to impossible to get benzos if you don't have prescription?

 

[Stopthepain]

U can get then illegaly easy. I have descriptions

 

[Stopthepain]

U can get then illegaly easy. I have descriptions

Presctiptions! Ups