Answer me please

[annxietty]

Ive always wondered why this happens and if it happens to other people as well... please answer me...

I have this thing that happens to me often with my family (i have no friends or lover, maybe it would happen with them too idk) specially my big sister does this a lot to me and I just cant figure out why... so I will give an example since I dont know how to phrase it and hopefully you will understand it better like this...

I listen to my sister talking about a coworker and her relationship with her boyfriend, they have many toxic things going on, my sister talks about this with my brother in law and I just happen to be there and listen to it, If I say something is minimal, just agreeing with everyone and existing... then she comes a few days later, maybe two days later, and says this coworker is planning to get pregnant and my sister talks about this in a happy tone, my brother in law just listens and nods, Im confused... so I say something along the lines of "I think this is a bad idea, they have a lot of problems going on and they planning to bring a child into all that mess?! I think this is a terrible decision" because I remember what I heard two days before... my sister starts arguing with me she says I dont know nothing about this, that they know what they are doing, she gets mad because I had the audacity to have an opinion based on claims Ive heard from her own mouth, I try to tell her I wont intervene, I have nothing to do with this, I just wanted to say I think is a bad idea, but my sister is mad, she wont listen, I end up in my room blaming myself for speaking outloud "fuck this I should stay silent until I die", then a week after my sister comes home saying more things about this coworker and her relationship, and ends up saying "I cant believe they want to have a baby, with all that shit going on is just cruel, they cant be parents" and I put a poker face, go to my bedroom and scream into a pillow... why... isnt that what I said? eh? what? so we think the same... eh?

This happens quite a lot, I just wish to know why this happens.

 

[L0STHumanity]

Some ppl can't put their ego away even if you explain yourself, I seen similar things and I def feel that screaming in a pillow, hope you are doing better

 

[identity0]

I have had many similar experiences. Some people are just like that, but not all people. Many people suck, are often incomprehensible and seem to be incoherent in arguments. For my family members like that i gave up on trying to have a good relationship with them.

I have absolutely no insight into why it happens

 

[TheHolySword]

Honestly, it's hard to give an opinion on something if you don't know them. You're hearing your sister shit talking them, you don't really know anything about this person. Whether or not your sister is hypocritical for stating the same thing a few days later is another conversation. But sometimes it's better to just keep our opinion to ourselves and smile and nod (and given your sister's demeanor being happy about it, negative comments from someone not involved will usually warrant a stronger reaction)

 

[avoid]

I've experienced similar communication problems. Usually the cause is my inability to explain something well enough for the other to understand, or I misinterpret something when it's not explicit enough for me to understand. Sometimes, when two opinions collide, we get into a verbal fight. This has happened several times in school group projects. I still remember an argument with a project partner over a product design, telling him that his design choice literally doesn't work and that we need to change it. He was adamant that it does work and no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise, he couldn't or wouldn't understand. I gave up and we kept his design. Lo and behold, the next week during our presentation, the teacher told is the design is flawed and wouldn't work. I stood in front of the class thinking "no shit," and sighed. Fortunately we got a passing grade... somehow.

I recognize that I'm not always right. The number of times I was wrong may very well exceed how much I was right. Though sometimes it's not a matter of right and wrong: both opinions can be right but are simply not compatible—choose one, not both. So nowadays, if I give my opinion on something I have no stake in, I simply provide my opinion as an additional perspective. And if someone tries to get into an argument with me, I just let them do or think as they wish: maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong; live and let live. Though since a few years ago, I stopped giving my opinions in person because I dread confrontations. I suppose this is also a result of becoming numb to certain situations, or rather, I don't care anymore.