Venting Another wasted opportunity

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Had my house alone for myself. Alone to ctb. I could have done it. Could have drunk the SN. Enough time for being found dead. But I decided to eat pizza when I was in the 6 hour of fasting. Also the lack of antacid made me back up. I know it's not an obligation to have antacid. Maybe was my SI. I'm tired of posposing. I can't live like this anymore. But life goes on for me. So I'll keep researching about SN, enjoying a few things like coffee and music and hope not to miss next chance and be ready. Must end this life. It's so easy to think about ctb but so difficult to do it.

 

[R_N]

Ctb is not easy no matter how much you want your suffering to end.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I hope to ctb as soon as possible. I don't want to be in this world any longer.
This world is a horror movie. I don't want to be part of it anymore

 

[Flippy]

Perhaps it just really wasn't your time? Maybe it was a more appropriate time at this moment to enjoy some pizza? :-) Did you enjoy it? What kind was it?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Perhaps it just really wasn't your time? Maybe it was a more appropriate time at this moment to enjoy some pizza? :-) Did you enjoy it? What kind was it?

Yes! I ate the whole pizza. Bacon and cheddar

 

[Jean4]

Had my house alone for myself. Alone to ctb. I could have done it. Could have drunk the SN. Enough time for being found dead. But I decided to eat pizza when I was in the 6 hour of fasting. Also the lack of antacid made me back up. I know it's not an obligation to have antacid. Maybe was my SI. I'm tired of posposing. I can't live like this anymore. But life goes on for me. So I'll keep researching about SN, enjoying a few things like coffee and music and hope not to miss next chance and be ready. Must end this life. It's so easy to think about ctb but so difficult to do it.

Nope. It's because you didn't want to leave me. You know it's all about me.

 

[deathbyginger]

As stressed as you may feel to get it done and over with, you just probably aren't ready yet. I often feel this way as well, i.e. I have a stressful test coming up and want to do it the weekend before but end up bailing.
When your time comes, you will no longer be in battle with your SI.

Enjoy all the pizza you want in the meantime :)

 

[90sAesthetics]

My grandfather always said "Well, I'm not dead, so God must not be done yet!"

Doesn't help in situations like ours, but I like to think there's some grand cosmic reason we ctb at the time we do, and back out at the times we back out.

I was supposed to be outta here last night. Fell asleep with the ligature secure, woke up and it was about 3-4 feet away. I must've SI'd the thing off while sleep/unconscious. Now I know to not count on sleeping to help. Gotta toughen through the experience wide awake.

 

[Pan]

There is no need to feel regret anything. Don't call the opportunity, a waste. You are hard enough on yourself as it is. Don'l pile on more crap this is clearly more crap than you need right now..take a sovereign moment—-smoke some weed, drink some beers, and in the processs, think about yourself as a unique being—-sovereign, separate,, everything that goes with being a unique. You may scoff, but consider this: if you ceased to exist, the entire universe would be destroyed. You are the indispensable puzzle piece in life.

 

[Flippy]

Yes! I ate the whole pizza. Bacon and cheddar

Sounds delicious! :-) I've been feeling very off food since Christmas day only managed a few bites every now and then for weeks now :-/ however, since I've been given this new med although it's temporary and chemically induced, a bacon and cheddar pizza sounds like heaven to me right now! I'm glad at least one of us got to enjoy some pizza! :-)

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm a pussy i could be dead by now and free of my suffering. Cant believe it

 

[Flippy]

I'm a pussy i could be dead by now and free of my suffering. Cant believe it

I doubt anyone who has considered it as strongly as you have could be described as a pussy! Most people aren't brave enough to even contemplate. I don't really know your exact situation but I don't think you should be hard on yourself. Some days we contemplate ending things other days we contemplate pizza. Most people it's only the pizza!

 

[Daffodil]

Why don't you rent a hotel? I don't think dying is something you want to just jump into once someone happens to leave the house. Would rather have a ramp up time of several days at least to make sure everything is in order and at peace.

 

[BPD Barbie]

When the time is right, it is right. This wasn't it. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's gone and passed now, we look forward and move onwards. Enjoy some more pizza, make a coffee, dance to music. If you're set on your plan to ctb, there will be other opportunities and you'll know when they come if the time is right or not

 

[Shero]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Its already painful enough that some of us need to take this drastic step. Take your time. On the bright side, at least you'll be with us for a while longer.

 

[Saddad]

S.I is a tough master

 

[AlreadyGone]

It was simply not your time to go yet. When it is your time, you will know and SI will not be a factor.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Tried to hang myself with a belt. Recently

 

[Flippy]

Tried to hang myself with a belt. Recently

Do want to vent a bit about that?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Got drunk and tied a belt o. A tube but I dont know this method i want to die dont wont to exist anymore

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Nope. It's because you didn't want to leave me. You know it's all about me.

Your kindness is a good reason to stay

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

They are telling me "Stupid you missed another chance"

 

[Flippy]

Got drunk and tied a belt o. A tube but I dont know this method i want to die dont wont to exist anymore

Maybe this was more of an impulse brought on by the alcohol ? You needed to feel like you were doing something to take control? I'm new here so I don't know much about your exact personal situation. But I am certainly accustomed to the despair felt in these situations. If I'm not being to nosey what has brought you to this point in your life?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Maybe this was more of an impulse brought on by the alcohol ? You needed to feel like you were doing something to take control? I'm new here so I don't know much about your exact personal situation. But I am certainly accustomed to the despair felt in these situations. If I'm not being to nosey what has brought you to this point in your life?

Many reasons: health issues, failed at university, lonelimess, never fit in society, also I'm stupid and make wrong decitions. The main reason is my heatlth but the other factors contribute. I just want to end this oncr and for all. Ican't go back in time and I can't live like this. Ctb is my only option. Thanks for asking

 

[Flippy]

I failed pretty miserably when I tried to do master's degree and I only just barely managed to pass my first degree. Doing so was largely due to the help I was given when I fessed up that I was really not doing so well mentally :-/ the uni had me fill in a form and I was allowed to get extensions that helped me pass. I always feel like I never fit in with society, I'm just basically a weirdo, I'm not sure how much of that is really my fault though :-/ I made a lot of wonky decisions along the way but that started to change when my mental health issues were properly diagnosed and I started getting treatment. You don't have to elaborate or tell me anything that you don't want to but have you been diagnosed with mental illness? Are you taking treatment for it if you have been? I don't think I will ever manage to rid myself of suicidal urges, hence why I end up on a website like this but in a way joining it has calmed me, like it had given the urges just enough of what I need to feel like I'm taking some control.
Bottom line is when I go the right diagnosis and treatment I did improve massively for a good few years. My decisions became a lot more logical and thought out. Sadly for me it wasn't permanent, maybe it can't be for me. But maybe it can be for you with the right help etc. :-)

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I failed pretty miserably when I tried to do master's degree and I only just barely managed to pass my first degree. Doing so was largely due to the help I was given when I fessed up that I was really not doing so well mentally :-/ the uni had me fill in a form and I was allowed to get extensions that helped me pass. I always feel like I never fit in with society, I'm just basically a weirdo, I'm not sure how much of that is really my fault though :-/ I made a lot of wonky decisions along the way but that started to change when my mental health issues were properly diagnosed and I started getting treatment. You don't have to elaborate or tell me anything that you don't want to but have you been diagnosed with mental illness? Are you taking treatment for it if you have been? I don't think I will ever manage to rid myself of suicidal urges, hence why I end up on a website like this but in a way joining it has calmed me, like it had given the urges just enough of what I need to feel like I'm taking some control.
Bottom line is when I go the right diagnosis and treatment I did improve massively for a good few years. My decisions became a lot more logical and thought out. Sadly for me it wasn't permanent, maybe it can't be for me. But maybe it can be for you with the right help etc. :-)

Being a failure feels like shit. It's something I cannot tolerate. I'm not diagnosed and I didn't get treatment and I don't want because I know I cant be fixed. I don't want to get help. I've been through a lot last years. Had very bad luck and I can't forget that. Being here calms me.

 

[Flippy]

Being a failure feels like shit. It's something I cannot tolerate. I'm not diagnosed and I didn't get treatment and I don't want because I know I cant be fixed. I don't want to get help. I've been through a lot last years. Had very bad luck and I can't forget that. Being here calms me.

I can relate to that, I find it hard to forgive myself for failure too :-( I don't feel like I can be fixed either :-( Wish I could think of something more positive to say. It calms me down too being on here at least for a while :-/

 

[Readytogo#Broken]

I'm a pussy i could be dead by now and free of my suffering. Cant believe it

I think your brave, the pain of living gets unbearable could say maybe wasn't your time but what good does that do, I wish you strength and hope you can enjoy some less stress, it's hard either way, just sending hugs and strength

 

[Flippy]

Being a failure feels like shit. It's something I cannot tolerate. I'm not diagnosed and I didn't get treatment and I don't want because I know I cant be fixed. I don't want to get help. I've been through a lot last years. Had very bad luck and I can't forget that. Being here calms me.

So besides the awful place you are in right now, do you ever manage to do anything can give you a break when the negative stuff is going through your head? Like gaming, movies or any other hobbies? I quite like techy stuff like electronics working on cars, music. But it's been very difficult to impossible for me to participate in my interests and hobbies more recently. It often feels pointless and empty to me :-( is it the same for you?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

So besides the awful place you are in right now, do you ever manage to do anything can give you a break when the negative stuff is going through your head? Like gaming, movies or any other hobbies? I quite like techy stuff like electronics working on cars, music. But it's been very difficult to impossible for me to participate in my interests and hobbies more recently. It often feels pointless and empty to me :-( is it the same for you?

Yes. I watch movirs and listen to mysic to distract myself a little