another possibility to ctb( jump) October 8...

[Fangarina]

access to the terrace closed, it was his colleague who had the keys. he suggested that I look at a room on the 20th floor. I said no, we'll see the terrace another time.

I wasn't ready at all, I felt it...when it happens I can't...

I go to sleep

Maybe a blessing in disguise.
You are not in the right space for this at all, and feeling like you have to go through with it so you don't waste peoples time is not the reason to follow through.
I'm so sorry, I know how much you struggled after the last time cancelling. But I do believe in fate - and this was the universe having your back, you not being ready so it gave you a helping hand to hold off again.
I know it's easy to say as a stranger on the internet, but please please please don't force yourself into something you genuinely don't want to do. You seem like such a good soul, and I wish you could find peace in life without this.

 

[Defenestration]

Happy to be alive

 

[SixNeufUn]

Happy to be alive

Si tes content de ton choix c'est le principal. Honnêtement j'avais pensé aussi à me défenestrer mais y'a trop de chose qui peut aller mal. Donc j'ai pas fait et le jour même j'ai entendu parler du SN. Bon j'espère que ça sera la bonne cette fois

 

[NegevChina]

I know what it feels like to visit the site. Tonight I've visited the site I plan to jump from. 9th floor (roof top). It was so dark. I couldn't see the surface I intend to land on. It was so scary and weird. Like I was in a movie. A place I've seen so many times before but now seems so different.
Still I have little to no other reliable options.
I need to set a date soon. I have little time left.

 

[Defenestration]

I'm not happy with my choice...it was just a reaction from SI at the time but in a few days I'll want to die again...

I wish I was dead but I don't have what I need...no gun, no place to hang myself (and I'm terrible at tying knots and too afraid of ending up as vegetables if the rope lets go).

the huge problem as I have already repeated is that I cannot go on the terrace whenever I want. I have to make an appointment with the guard and 1 hour max...and the excuse of taking photos will only work 2 or 3 times (I've already said it twice) If I lived on the 20th floor, it would be totally different, I wouldn't have this pressure of time and date and time. I will be able to prepare myself, get used to it... and when very depressed I will be able to jump whenever I want 24 hours a day.
Here,there the suicidal impulses must correspond to the precise time( précise jour)...very hard to synchronize and then the SI is very strong...

 

[cheaptrick]

I'm sorry it didn't work out. That sounds logistically very challenging.

I'm curious what you think about traveling to a location to jump? Like a tall bridge somewhere where you don't need access.

 

[Defenestration]

Je suis désolé que cela n'ait pas fonctionné. Cela semble être un véritable défi logistique.

Je suis curieux de savoir ce que tu penses de voyager jusqu'à un endroit pour sauter ? Comme un grand pont quelque part où tu n'as pas besoin d'accéder.

there are none near me, or more than 320 km away... 4 hours drive from home... I don't drive, no train and 1000 euros from Uber to the driveway. ..and the same on the way back...so 2000 euros I don't want to lose.

and then otherwise not high enough, or everything is fenced...or else fall into wate

And because of social phobia difficult to see people

 

[hopelesswanderer]

Hey Defenestration (love the name), I know how you feel - I want to die like 95% of the time but when I have an opportunity to do something like jump I find myself shifting toward that 5% of "ehhh idk about ending things just yet buddy". It can be frustrating when I find myself feeling shitty again the next day. I used to live on the 23rd floor of a highrise with my own private balcony. I "tried" to jump so many times but could never bring myself to do it, even under the influence of alcohol and other drugs. You're not alone. I hope you find peace among the living or among the dead whichever you seek. If you have made up your mind then I hope you find a suitable method or location to meet your needs. Are you able to travel? As another user suggested perhaps there is a bridge someplace not far by train that you can go to without having to coordinate access and all of these logistical hurdles.

 

[Defenestration]

Hé Défenestration (j'adore le nom), je sais ce que tu ressens - je veux mourir 95 % du temps, mais quand j'ai l'occasion de faire quelque chose comme sauter, je me retrouve à me tourner vers ces 5 % de "ehhh je ne sais pas si je vais arrêter tout de suite mon pote". Cela peut être frustrant quand je me sens à nouveau mal le lendemain. J'habitais au 23e étage d'un immeuble avec mon propre balcon privé. J'ai "essayé" de sauter tant de fois, mais je n'ai jamais pu me résoudre à le faire, même sous l'influence de l'alcool et d'autres drogues. Tu n'es pas seul. J'espère que tu trouveras la paix parmi les vivants ou parmi les morts, selon ce que tu recherches. Si tu as pris ta décision, j'espère que tu trouveras une méthode ou un endroit adapté à tes besoins. Es-tu capable de voyager ? Comme l'a suggéré un autre utilisateur, il y a peut-être un pont quelque part non loin en train où tu peux aller sans avoir à coordonner l'accès et tous ces obstacles logistiques.

Un grand merci, je ne suis pas le seul.
If i have AT home , i will jump .sure

 

[Fangarina]

Happy to be alive

I'm happy to see this update.
I know you will sway back and forth a lot, and in a few days you won't feel like this - but for now, I am glad of this post.
And I hope that when you go back to the other side of this, you come back here and read this again.
Stay safe, and take care for now