Yeah...I already have stress about messing up.. And get a bit jealous when I hear about successes and go on a research binge. I really just need access to reliable help ctb.
I meant the gore videos that'll be recommended, and the disgusting porn ads, but yeah that too.
for a couple years now I have had some measure of peace by "practicing" my ctb in a ritualistic way. I'd take a large amount of a prescription sleep meds (not DPH), setting up my bed and my glass of water, and then fighting the urge to fall asleep for as long as possible. once I literally can't stand anymore, I get into position in bed and take my "last" sip, and pretend that I am being faded from existence. it works for me since consciousness is actively being taken away from me, so I don't have to try anymore.
I started doing it because I saw videos, like I am assuming this one is, where someone peacefully passes in their bed, smiling. that's sort of my strategy for coping with how I can't die just yet.