Another man in my self-help group wants to kill himself

[noname223]

Hopefully he is not in this forum. I hope he cannot identify me but I will tell about his story.

We had a conversation some time ago. He seems to be very suicidal. We both had a suicide conversation. And I had the feeling you can see in his eyes he will do it. He was really detached when he talked about his life and suicidal thoughts. This man did not want any attention for his suicidality. He is a very quiet dude. Sometimes he says for a very long time nothing. I told him I also think my life will probably end with suicide. He tried to give me some helpful advices how to improve my life. (Though it did not really help all that well.)

He had more very serious experiences with suicide. I think he had several attempts. And he was very close to dying. I am not sure about the methods though. He has children. I am not sure but I think he procreated before he knew he was ill. Economically he is really successful in contrast to me. He has a wife. I would be interested if he hides his suicidality in front of her. His gaze was really detached. I had the feeling he knows there is no escape. I am also very desperate but in contrast to him I have somewhat of naive hope. Maybe because I never was that close as him in facing death. I also had experiences with it though.

I am asking myself how he is doing. Okay I will just tell another story about another guy in my self-help group. This dude says he is often quite lonely and also talked about his suicidality. I liked him but with one statement he really lost my sympathy. He made more or less a funny remark about someone in our group who might has "murdered" himself. He sounded like someone who is gawking and even a little bit gleeful. I had the feeling he felt superior to him because he can resist his suicidality. What a sick fuck!

Fuck you you sick fuck! I don't care if your parents abused you making funny remarks about someone who has killed himself. This is pathetic and disgusting.

 

[freedompass]

I attend a support group too. It's not that big. There's usually around 5 or 6 of us plus the 2 facilitators one of whom has 'lived experience' of mental ill health. Out of those let's see. One has MS plus psychosis and deals with suicidal thoughts a fair bit. One bipolar like me, lately very low mood and contemplating it every day. One alcoholic and schizophrenic, he has definitely given up, he drinks at night and sleeps the day away. There's a single mum with a young daughter who struggles a lot but maybe for religious reasons doesn't really 'go there' with ctb. Actually even mentioning it at one time caused her to go home and cry apparently. There's also 'the weird, annoying creepy one' who I doubt has the depth of character suicidality demands (I'm just being mean really since he bugs me). So only two members of the group, plus the 2 facilitators, either don't have or just don't talk about, suicide ideation.

That's more open suicidality than I'm used to in any group I've been in. I also find it more helpful, engaging and uplifting than others have been, perhaps no coincidence. I've often wanted to join a group such as Suicides Anonymous, specifically a peer support group for people like us. Sadly there is no such group to be found. What you will find are support groups for grieving families or friends of people who ctb. The mental health system risk averse as it is would never let a group of avowedly suicidal people meet to support each other. It's too taboo. Too scary. Let them continue to suffer in silence, as they contemplate their lonely terrifying end, right?

Thanks for sharing OP, I found it an interesting read.

 

[TheStateofCaliforni]

Is it possible the one who made the funny remark was just trying to process the death? It's pretty common for people to make jokes when they're processing death

 

[FuneralCry]

We live in a world where there is so much suffering, so to me it is not surprising that so many people are suicidal. Life is very unfair after all and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. Some people can be very cruel and insensitive, that is awful what that person said. I wish you the best.

 

[Lullaby]

I attend a support group too. It's not that big. There's usually around 5 or 6 of us plus the 2 facilitators one of whom has 'lived experience' of mental ill health. Out of those let's see. One has MS plus psychosis and deals with suicidal thoughts a fair bit. One bipolar like me, lately very low mood and contemplating it every day. One alcoholic and schizophrenic, he has definitely given up, he drinks at night and sleeps the day away. There's a single mum with a young daughter who struggles a lot but maybe for religious reasons doesn't really 'go there' with ctb. Actually even mentioning it at one time caused her to go home and cry apparently. There's also 'the weird, annoying creepy one' who I doubt has the depth of character suicidality demands (I'm just being mean really since he bugs me). So only two members of the group, plus the 2 facilitators, either don't have or just don't talk about, suicide ideation.

That's more open suicidality than I'm used to in any group I've been in. I also find it more helpful, engaging and uplifting than others have been, perhaps no coincidence. I've often wanted to join a group such as Suicides Anonymous, specifically a peer support group for people like us. Sadly there is no such group to be found. What you will find are support groups for grieving families or friends of people who ctb. The mental health system risk averse as it is would never let a group of avowedly suicidal people meet to support each other. It's too taboo. Too scary. Let them continue to suffer in silence, as they contemplate their lonely terrifying end, right?

Thanks for sharing OP, I found it an interesting read.

Is this a weekly group? I've been wanting to join something like this. I've attended CBT and DBT groups, but I'd rather go to something more support focused where we can just talk about our issues.

 

[novem]

Is it possible the one who made the funny remark was just trying to process the death? It's pretty common for people to make jokes when they're processing death

laugh is a mechanism to release stress, the way how the man released his stress just did not match with OP's values and caused disgust (culture mismatch+low oxytocin)

 

[ReallyTired]

Is it possible the one who made the funny remark was just trying to process the death? It's pretty common for people to make jokes when they're processing death

I know people who laugh hysterically at funerals. It's strange and people don't like it but I think it's quite common.Thinking about death and mortality can cause anxiety. When some people get really anxious they laugh, and then the more it feels like an inappropriate reaction, they get more anxious and they laugh more. Or they might start cracking up jokes. All that pent up nervous energy has to come out somehow. It used to be my problem when growing up. Not anymore, these days thinking about death gives me feelings of relief.

 

[freedompass]

Is this a weekly group? I've been wanting to join something like this. I've attended CBT and DBT groups, but I'd rather go to something more support focused where we can just talk about our issues.

It is yes. It's been running for many years at the local mental health centre. It's an open group too so anyone can attend. It's usually just us regulars though. Technically it's for paranoia and unusual beliefs but really it's just a straight support group. I live in a big city, that helps.

 

[noname223]

Is it possible the one who made the funny remark was just trying to process the death? It's pretty common for people to make jokes when they're processing death

I doubt that to be honest. We did not even know the name of the person who ctb. It was more or less only a rumor.