Discussion Annoying

[Kat!]

I find it annoying that this is one of the few, or maybe one of the only resources on the internet, that doesn't find suicide selfish.
Everywhere I go I just hear people getting called "selfish assholes" because they had internal struggles. Things like "permanent solution to a temporary problem" "it gets better" are some of the most annoying statements one can make.

It doesn't, it does not get better. People can't seem to understand this at all.
Anyone else find this annoying?

 

[Sakura94]

I notice that anything that relates to suicide is instantly shutdown with a link to "resources" for help. The thing is resources for help are dead links. We are living things and today's issues are different from yesterday's issues. It needs to be discussed as a lived phenomena.
Oh sure you have the antinatalist subreddits/ forums but even that is dry and its literature doesn't seem all that.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i personally find this one to show their ignorance on the subject
"permanent solution to a temporary problem"
looking back on my own life, i feel that i can say that i was born this way, not completely but definitely some of it (my personality disorder for sure) i would love to know how they plan on fixing what cant be fixed because it is me and therefor youre trying to fix me....if you dont like me then just fuck off dont change me just for you.

 

[VtubersAreMyLife]

I agree with you. I've been on Reddit and YouTube a lot, but most of what people say has been the same. I actually felt nothing reading those kind of posts. From my experience, life does get better, so much better in fact I even forgot I was suicidal and even questioned why I was suicidal in the first place. It does get better, but that doesn't mean it stays better, it even can get way worse than before. So yeah I find it annoying too lol. Also I find it ridiculously annoying when the post those suicide hotline numbers, as if that's going to help?

 

[Serenedeath02]

I find that a majority of people don't understand suicide, and they struggle to empathize with people who are suicidal. Admittedly, before reaching this point in my life, I was pretty ignorant about suicide. But after contemplating death so many times, and coming close to taking my own life, I began to understand the redundancy of such statements. To be honest, hackneyed statements like the ones you mentioned are mere fluff--they do absolutely nothing but make the person who said it feel better.

The road to suicide is a lonely and ugly one, because few people understand you.

 

[Wraith]

Yeah, and another annoying one is "just work out".

Give the person who suggests that a Nobel because they just solved the reason why everybody wants to CTB. /s

 

[LonelyDude15]

I think the conversation is slowly changing for those more familiar with the topic. It's still a huge taboo though and most people don't like to think about it. I think most people say these things automatically, they don't care about sucidial people they just want to give you a hotline number so you leave them alone.

 

[softfuzzyman]

Yes. It's the worst state to be in, everyone screaming at you to "get help!!! talk to someone!" but whenever you are open and honest and express how you feel you get shut down with the same empty hollow phrases, the same links to things that don't help... and then people have the nerve to feel smug, and act like they did something good and positive, oh what a hero! I told a suicidal person "it gets better" and gave them the hotline that's plastered everywhere that doesn't help and actually makes them feel worse which I'd figure out if I actually ever listened to them but nope why would I do that!!! Just gotta keep bulldozing, it gets better! Think of your family! Here's a hotline! Here's a $120 online therapy app that sucks ass! Try breathing haha! I'm a hero, a beacon of positivity and mental health advocacy! I don't need to actually listen and understand and empathize and treat you like a human!

And if you dare to say "that didn't help me, if anything it made me feel worse" then suddenly you're toxic and it's your own fault and maybe your problem is you just don't want help...

Being suicidal is a hellish existence because society puts on a big show of caring and wanting to help but it's all bullshit, nobody actually wants to help or listen or understand because doing so is uncomfortable for them, nevermind how much abject suffering you're in and just want someone to actually try to care for even two seconds. And you're not allowed to question it, and if it doesn't help you and makes you feel worse then it must just be your own fault, because you're not worth the effort of ACTUALLY listening to or ACTUALLY caring about. I get blown off constantly at this point because nobody in my life wants to deal with it anymore.

Ah, and should you die, "ohh if only they'd reached out more! Ohh we did everything we could! Ohh we never saw this coming."

Only other suicidal people can ever understand and respect why we often get so bitter and jaded. It's sickening and exhausting.
(Edited for typos)

 

[awfullife]

Before my psychotic breakdown and subsequent nightmare of a life occurred I completely understood where they were coming from. I thought it would never happen to me.

But then life happened. And it keeps happening to those contemplating suicide. Now that the realities set in and there is really no viable way forward, the CTB option is there.

It's weird how that happens in life. I remember judging parents at the supermarket for misbehaving children. Then I had a son born with autism!

Ain't life grand...

 

[bov]

I try not to judge people who say those platitudes too harshly.

There are people who experienced interventions and are glad they didn't go through with CTB; for some people the problems really are temporary and it really does get better.

That doesn't mean you're weak if that's not your situation. I agree that the current available resources are pitiful.

 

[Ardesevent]

I'm happy to escape the whole 'suicide is selfish' routine here too. I'm still pretty annoyed by it, but I can understand why they'd think that way. It's painful to be left behind.

 

[AutoTap]

I find it annoying that this is one of the few, or maybe one of the only resources on the internet, that doesn't find suicide selfish.
Everywhere I go I just hear people getting called "selfish assholes" because they had internal struggles. Things like "permanent solution to a temporary problem" "it gets better" are some of the most annoying statements one can make.

It doesn't, it does not get better. People can't seem to understand this at all.
Anyone else find this annoying?

Yeh I hear it in therapy reddit discord and from friends who have anxiety as well.

they say well it's just temporary no need for a permanent solution or something to that effect. It's annoying and belittles our feelings

 

[Spitfire]

Yes. It's the worst state to be in, everyone screaming at you to "get help!!! talk to someone!" but whenever you are open and honest and express how you feel you get shut down with the same empty hollow phrases, the same links to things that don't help... and then people have the nerve to feel smug, and act like they did something good and positive, oh what a hero! I told a suicidal person "it gets better" and gave them the hotline that's plastered everywhere that doesn't help and actually makes them feel worse which I'd figure out if I actually ever listened to them but nope why would I do that!!! Just gotta keep bulldozing, it gets better! Think of your family! Here's a hotline! Here's a $120 online therapy app that sucks ass! Try breathing haha! I'm a hero, a beacon of positivity and mental health advocacy! I don't need to actually listen and understand and empathize and treat you like a human!

And if you dare to say "that didn't help me, if anything it made me feel worse" then suddenly you're toxic and it's your own fault and maybe your problem is you just don't want help...

Being suicidal is a hellish existence because society puts on a big show of caring and wanting to help but it's all bullshit, nobody actually wants to help or listen or understand because doing so is uncomfortable for them, nevermind how much abject suffering you're in and just want someone to actually try to care for even two seconds. And you're not allowed to question it, and if it doesn't help you and makes you feel worse then it must just be your own fault, because you're not worth the effort of ACTUALLY listening to or ACTUALLY caring about. I get blown off constantly at this point because nobody in my life wants to deal with it anymore.

Ah, and should you die, "ohh if only they'd reached out more! Ohh we did everything we could! Ohh we never saw this coming."

Only other suicidal people can ever understand and respect why we often get so bitter and jaded. It's sickening and exhausting.
(Edited for typos)

Imagine your breath is made up of colors. You breath, your emotions.. in color. What color do you see? Hahaha

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

All humans have a basic need to be heard and understood, but not all humans have a correlating ability to meet the need.

 

[disillusionment]

I agree, I was just thinking about this. Tried explaining how I feel to the one person I thought would understand me and listen but all I got was "have you tried therapy, have you tried pills" and then a "this is all your fault because you're seeing things negatively". Then she said I'm just throwing my miserable existence at her and that Iife will never stop sucking for me until I decide that it doesn't suck. Ok so if I decide life doesnt suck then all my problems and my mental illnesses will just go away?

In my opinion it's not suicidal people who are the selfish ones, its the non suicidal people "listening" to them who are the selfish ones. They don't want you to do it because they would be sad for a while, but they don't care at all that you are sad and suffering every single day. They also dont want to hear about how you really feel because it's depressing for THEM. Lol imagine being ME. If you say how you really feel, all they think about is themselves- they only think about how sad they would be if you died or how depressing it is to listen to you. Then they stop talking to you because you're being too depressing.

 

[demuic]

The ones I hate the most are "it gets better" and "temporary problem." Completely belittling and ignorant. Many of the problems that make people want to CTB aren't temporary, they are permanent, chronic, and incurable. No one has the right to tell people with these problems they must continue to live until they've spent a life in their shoes, experiencing the pain they've experienced

When it comes to suicide, people don't want to listen, no matter what they say. Because it makes them uncomfortable that someone would want to kill themselves. It makes them question their entire worldview, it's completely alien to them that anyone would find life not worth living. They think "hey, you don't just get to leave, I struggled, so you have to struggle too!" So anyone with suicidal intent is branded as insane and mentally ill and has their completely legitimate and lifelong struggles dismissed as "temporary" or "you're not trying hard enough" or "think positive."

They comfort themselves by thinking anyone has been helped by some underpaid suicide hotline worker. I'm sure there are some people who are just a little lonely, or going through something stressful, who only needed someone to listen, which was the full extent of their problems, but for people who struggle with anything more complicated then that, it's less than worthless.

 

[color_me_gone]

Sanctioned Suicide is the only place on the internet where a suicidal person is treated with respect and understanding, because we are in your shoes.

And yet, there are people who are desperately trying to shut this place down.

 

[madbananas]

I find it annoying that this is one of the few, or maybe one of the only resources on the internet, that doesn't find suicide selfish.
Everywhere I go I just hear people getting called "selfish assholes" because they had internal struggles. Things like "permanent solution to a temporary problem" "it gets better" are some of the most annoying statements one can make.

It doesn't, it does not get better. People can't seem to understand this at all.
Anyone else find this annoying?

shit yes I find it annoying. If people can call suicide selfish then they have to call giving birth selfish also. Life is extraordinarily agonising and we didn't ask for it. So either the world gives us at the very least a neutral life, or they give us a dignified way out. They cannot be pro life (typically in their actions) but at the same time force us to kill ourselves in horrible ways.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I used to engage my middle school and high school students in suicide prevention artistic performances. We performed pieces like "You Will Be Found" from "Dear Evan Hansen". I even conducted, on four separate occasions with four different choirs, a piece called "Please Stay". What might my students say when they find out about my own suicide...

 

[disillusionment]

This is the only place where I've found people who can actually understand me. I've been lurking reading posts and I'm like wow somebody actually thinks and feels the same way I do. I feel sad reading some of the posts knowing all of you are suffering too but I feel less alone. Every time I ever tried to explain how I feel to anyone in real life they always immediately shut me down and started saying Im being too negative, this is all my fault, did I try pills, did I try counselling, did I try positivity etc. Then if I mention suicide they start saying its selfish and it would hurt other people but they don't care about my own pain. They never ever just listen and they never understand how I feel. It's incredibly isolating and always made me mad

 

[Soulless Angel]

I have had a *friend* walk away as she was fed up of my negative attitude, She kept telling me to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, She couldn't understand the hurdles to get to that point were the ones that were making me that way, I couldn't/can't just leap over all of them to get to that so called light.
But in her eyes, if I looked at that light in at the end of the tunnel, all those hurdles would simply be a breeze to over come and would vanish beneath me.
When I asked her how does she know its that simple she blocked me out of her life.

Now when I am in the mood (drink, I talk a lot when Ive had a few) I tend to fight back to those people, I know its like talking to a brick wall, but even so, it makes me feel better for 30 secs!

 

[Lavi]

I agree with you. I've been on Reddit and YouTube a lot, but most of what people say has been the same. I actually felt nothing reading those kind of posts. From my experience, life does get better, so much better in fact I even forgot I was suicidal and even questioned why I was suicidal in the first place. It does get better, but that doesn't mean it stays better, it even can get way worse than before. So yeah I find it annoying too lol. Also I find it ridiculously annoying when the post those suicide hotline numbers, as if that's going to help?

From what I've seen, suicide hotlines are absolutely bullshit. I called a suicide hotline ages ago when I was younger, this was due to the fact my friend was suicidal and threatening to kill her self. The person on the other side of the line couldn't help but act like this was all a joke and had the audacity to not believe us just because of how young we were, (we were around the age of 13-14.) Thankfully, she's getting better now! Unfortunately not because of the fact we called the hotline but because we talked to our parents instead on how we could deal with it as well as help. So much for trying to save lives.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I think that there are different types of problems as well as intricate complexities involved in such problems, that people refuse to acknowledge.

As you say, everything is a temporary problem to these people. Of course, there are temporary problems. Getting fired at work in the process of hunting another job is a temporary problem, because you know you wanted a different employer anyways and will continue to work towards that goal. Worrying about an exam is a temporary problem because the trial will come to pass and typically resists are allowed when one fails. A high school breakup's aftermath is usually temporary.

Having chronic incurable illness is not a temporary problem. Losing loved ones you cherish one after the other is not a temporary problem- the pain of grief may lessen with time but it will always still be there. Trauma/abuse and their effects are not temporary problems. Cyclic poverty is not a temporary problem either.

I think many of these shiny happy people are either incredibly privledged or have their entire life's purpose fixated in a dogmatic system of beliefs like religion. They always think our situation is far away from reality and can never happen to them, or as Schopenhauer eloquently puts it:

"The most effective consolation in every misfortune and every affliction is to observe others who are more unfortunate than we: and everyone can do this. But what does that say for the condition of the whole?"

I realized the mental health system was a sham and full of charlatans after I was prescribed by 16th antidepressant and turned away by the University therapist for having," the most complex case they've ever seen." Yet when I told others about my pain, they blamed me for having a negative outlook. That my worldview was the issue, and not the laundry list of health issues, nor a lifetime of childhood abuse and incredibly traumatic events.

I realized that this was it. This was the pinnacle of the so called help that was offered. There was nothing more that could be done, and if I dare tell others what I truly feel, they'll lock me away and throw away the key.

Even when I tried becoming more social, I realize it is all fake and people don't care unless you provide them with endless hedonism. Other people will never understand. They repeat the same platitudes and copy paste the same suicide hotline numbers. My relationships feel just about as real as a silicon implant. I know when I ctb they will repeat the same things, that I didn't want to "try to get better" that I "refused help" if only I had reached out etc.

I wouldn't wish this sort of existence on my worst enemy, but sometimes I wish they could have even the tiniest taste, a little glimpse, into what I deal with on a daily basis, then maybe they would have some goddamn empathy.

 

[MindFog]

I do think suicide is inherently selfish but that doesnt mean its wrong. It's more of a symptom of a problem, but no one wants to look past the act to see the whole picture. I've heard this so many times that its gets numbing. I dont even have the energy to argue with them. It's a losing battle really.