Venting Anal fissure round 5

[Rounded Apathy]

Hoo-fucking-ray. Almost certainly caused just by a slightly firm stool (after a week of shitting basically water for no reason) that was likely a result of drinking slightly less water than usual and a slightly salty dinner - both the result of a very down day emotionally, due to several hemorrhoids worsening fairly significantly in a fairly short period of time. Which has likely made me even more prone to these fucking things. And with each new incidence, we run the risk of infection and fistula. I thought I had a reason to feel bad before, ha ha...

Funny how literally the one thing I kept putting off signing up for my course due to fear of happening and getting in the way has fucking happened and gotten in the way. Will those 500$ have gone totally to waste? Tune in next time to find out!

 

[toasterbath]

I'm so sorry that sounds really painful and a major inconvenience to deal with. I'm guessing you've tried multiple treatments and OTC options?

 

[Rounded Apathy]

I'm so sorry that sounds really painful and a major inconvenience to deal with. I'm guessing you've tried multiple treatments and OTC options?

Thank you...yes - it's been almost five years since the first time, which was different from all subsequent ones; different location and healed on its own. Had a good period of several years between the first and second flares and the subsequent ones I've been able to "get over" with non-surgical means, but basically once this happens to you once the likelihood of repeats shoots up exponentially.

Extra fun for me is that the typically indicated surgery is not super suitable for me because of the additional hemorrhoidal problems (surgery for which is apparently unbelievable excruciating) as well as pelvic floor issues (which can only slowly and marginally be mitigated by things like physio which I'd been slack on due to being so fucking depressed). Everything to do with this condition is the single biggest factor in my wish to quit life. As much as other things are also shit I feel I could manage and maybe even ameliorate them if it wasn't for the massive physical and psychological obstacle that is my sporadically shit (ha) anal health. I seriously would not wish this on ANYBODY.

Adorable photo by the way

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound horrifying and it must be so tiring having to endure that. It's just so awful how the human body can torture people to such great extents with no limit as to how bad things can get. It's understandable as to why that would make you want to be free from this life.

 

[almaranthine]

Shitting is already so unpleasant... yet the human condition can always become worse. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how painful and awful it is, not to mention difficult to talk about.

 

[universe]

I understand this kind of problem, terribly painful, not being able to sit down. I have the same thing, it started after a very violent rape and since then I have a lot of problems in this area: cracks, hemoroids, pain, bleeding. Of course, it heals and then it comes back, all the time over and over again. It's been going on for years. Want to fucking shoot me. Courage.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

I understand this kind of problem, terribly painful, not being able to sit down. I have the same thing, it started after a very violent rape and since then I have a lot of problems in this area: cracks, hemoroids, pain, bleeding. Of course, it heals and then it comes back, all the time over and over again. It's been going on for years. Want to fucking shoot me. Courage.

Dear lord, I'm so sorry you also live with this wretched curse (rhoids here too, worsening) and that it all started from rape no less, eugh. Interestingly enough mine are the "worse when standing" kind, often to he point where I can't for more than a few minutes.

How long have you been dealing with it, how often are your flares, and how to you manage them? I'm assuming you've gone through all the first line and maybe even some second line stuff. Sucks that the only "sure cure" is the LIS which likely doesn't do shit (ha) for trauma-induced cases...

Thanks also to @FuneralCry and @almaranthine - for context, I've heard this been variously described by other sufferers as worse than their experiences of: being shot, adult male circumcision, vaginal tearing during childbirth with subsequent stitches, and cancer leading to the laundry list of double mastectomy, multiple rounds of chemo, and emergency hospitalization due to life threatening infection. Not that every case is that bad, but the sheer potential and oh so fun psychological element!

 

[universe]

This has been going on for 5 years. But I have never consulted specifically for that because I am too ashamed of it and I am afraid that they will ask me questions about how it started.
It comes back all the time: usually it lasts 2 weeks/1 month and it comes back after 2 weeks, sometimes a month. It's chronic I feel.

I try to manage things based on the pain. Sometimes it hurts just at bathroom time. When it comes to small cracks, I do nothing. I have to stay lying down but since I'm not working at the moment it's fine. This week, for example, I had to lie down on certain days because I couldn't sit down.

Afterwards there were times when the pain was horrible: in this case I can't even get up, walk to go to the pharmacy. Conventional medications can help: painkillers, hemorrhoid creams, but the pain is terrible and that is not enough. I stay all day in bed suffering. All that remains is to shoot opiates and cry. And even…

 

[Rounded Apathy]

This has been going on for 5 years. But I have never consulted specifically for that because I am too ashamed of it and I am afraid that they will ask me questions about how it started.
It comes back all the time: usually it lasts 2 weeks/1 month and it comes back after 2 weeks, sometimes a month. It's chronic I feel.

I try to manage things based on the pain. Sometimes it hurts just at bathroom time. When it comes to small cracks, I do nothing. I have to stay lying down but since I'm not working at the moment it's fine. This week, for example, I had to lie down on certain days because I couldn't sit down.

Afterwards there were times when the pain was horrible: in this case I can't even get up, walk to go to the pharmacy. Conventional medications can help: painkillers, hemorrhoid creams, but the pain is terrible and that is not enough. I stay all day in bed suffering. All that remains is to shoot opiates and cry. And even…

Fuck. I don't know where in the world you are, but I would highly recommend seeking treatment if it's accessible to you. In my experience, because this can be caused by something as simple as constipation or diarrhea, they won't be so concerned about how it started as much as what's been going on. You can always lie and say you were really constipated at one point and it's been happening since then (maybe necessary since they can sometimes tell whether or not it's been going on for a while if they do a visual examination).

There are also creams specifically for fissures that work in the literal opposite way as hemorrhoid creams that (at least here) can only be acquired on prescription - hem cream aims to reduce blood flow, while fissure creams promote it. Using hot baths/heat packs on your bum can help too, as well as polyethylene glycol (Miralax/Restoralax/etc.) to make the stools very soft and give you a chance to heal up. Given how frequent yours are I don't know how well it'd work but it might at least make a difference.

Again, at least for me, I know if this was not always in the background I would much MUCH less suicidal. Hopefully there's something useful to you in these words.

 

[universe]

Access to treatment is quite easy in my country. I know I should do this and see a specialist but I'm counting CTB soon. I had thought about seriously consulting but I would probably have had a panic attack, and lying in front of a doctor is very difficult. Even just going to the doctor is difficult, I have to mentally prepare myself.

I note for the creams specific to cracks, they did not appear in the treatments offered: they focus mainly on painkillers. I would test. Laxatives make things worse for me unfortunately.

I'm very attentive to your message, be assured. I understand that this weighs in the balance for the CTB. This concretely brings us back to the fact that even everyday life is not "normal". As I have eating disorder, eating and going to the toilet, which are nevertheless the basis of life make me suffer. When the base is already rotten, the rest doesn't help. Especially since the pain can be horrible, your feelings are completely understandable.