Story an intro post that no one will read

[alilyofthevalley]

hi all

i have a feeling that time is up for me. i'm currently about to graduate uni with no job secured (been looking for months) and all my income comes from government help (of being a student) and scholarships. in theory, i'll be broke and destitute in about 2 months, and i would rather almost anything than return home.

i come from an difficult and dangerous home background, when i was living at home, i was the one who kept my family together, things got bad when i left and i am genuinely afraid of my father and being in the same house as him. i am the only person in my family to go to uni. its sad i went, i gave myself false hope for an actually decent future.

rent where i live is some of the highest in the world and my dad was homeless for half of his life, so i know how fucking awful of an environment that is to exist in.

i was always told i would and could do great in the world, but all that i've been thinking lately is that if i were to stop existing now, i would be remembered for my potential, rather than my future failures. since i left home for university i have dreaded graduating, dreaded falling into the same patterns my parents haven't gotten out of.

i don't want to crash and burn, to be the person i was destined to be, going to university gave me a good four years of life, might as well end it on a high, right?

thanks for reading this far, not even sure if i need advice, it'd be nice, but just wanted to get this out of my brain.

 

[m4vhb]

i am in a similar situation. No job, applied everywhere no luck. Been contemplating ctb for a few weeks, just my past self would look at me in disappointment and the thought of my parents is what is holding me right now

 

[alilyofthevalley]

i am in a similar situation. No job, applied everywhere no luck. Been contemplating ctb for a few weeks, just my past self would look at me in disappointment and the thought of my parents is what is holding me right now

i get it ( っ´ `)っ though my family isn't great i don't know how my little sister and mum would handle it. my brain flips from going "better they remember me with who i am now" and "i could never do that to them" time will see how that thought develops i suppose. i hope you find a job soon

 

[m4vhb]

In all seriousness if you are able to find a physically taxing job like waiter or something I would recommend you to take it. I can't do physical jobs due to my physical condition. The uni is a small thing if you ask me, and this community is always here