Help Am i right to feel mad about this?

[allidoiswish]

every time I talk to my friends about something serious, tell them i miss them (i moved) or tell them a story they ALWAYS brush it off, blurt out a random ref/meme, say something like "damn" and then proceed to change subjects or just ignore what i said. but whenever THEY talk to me about something serious or tell me about their day i sincerely listen or do my best to help them or give them advice. even when i feel that they're a little off i always ask them if they're okay but none of them have ever done that for me. i always buy them gifts and food but they've also never did that for me.. i genuinely dont know if they're doing that on purpose but i cant help but feel sad or mad whenever i think about it. i dont know if im just overthinking this so please tell me!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I think the problem is them.

 

[allidoiswish]

I think the problem is them.

phew im so glad its not me lol!! i really thought i was extremely overthinking this…

 

[yume_]

Okay, answering the title, yes. I think it's reasonable to feel this way. Being ignored is just disrespectful in my opinion and it doens't feel like an equal relationship when you are giving but not receiving anything. Idk if they are doing on purpose, i feel like if they are doing on purpose that's just straight up evil :/

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I agree that the problem is them, they might not be doing it on purpose, but responding with nothing more than "bruh" to a serious discussion is a sign of emotional immaturity, imo. They may not be mature enough to know how to respond to certain topics, or know exactly what to say, however, I think you're setting a good example by being there for them and being supportive, so I think at a certain point they should learn how to reciprocate that care. It's not your fault at all.

 

[allidoiswish]

Okay, answering the title, yes. I think it's reasonable to feel this way. Being ignored is just disrespectful in my opinion and it doens't feel like an equal relationship when you are giving but not receiving anything. Idk if they are doing on purpose, i feel like if they are doing on purpose that's just straight up evil :/

thank you!! im glad i wasn't overthinking this

I agree that the problem is them, they might not be doing it on purpose, but responding with nothing more than "bruh" to a serious discussion is a sign of emotional immaturity, imo. They may not be mature enough to know how to respond to certain topics, or know exactly what to say, however, I think you're setting a good example by being there for them and being supportive, so I think at a certain point they should learn how to reciprocate that care. It's not your fault at all.

Tysm! It really makes sense when you put it like that! Ive known them for a bit over 8 years now so I'm just hoping they start putting in the same kind of effort…

 

[dizzy.]

every time I talk to my friends about something serious, tell them i miss them (i moved) or tell them a story they ALWAYS brush it off, blurt out a random ref/meme, say something like "damn" and then proceed to change subjects or just ignore what i said. but whenever THEY talk to me about something serious or tell me about their day i sincerely listen or do my best to help them or give them advice. even when i feel that they're a little off i always ask them if they're okay but none of them have ever done that for me. i always buy them gifts and food but they've also never did that for me.. i genuinely dont know if they're doing that on purpose but i cant help but feel sad or mad whenever i think about it. i dont know if im just overthinking this so please tell me!

Felt so hard. All the time, it feels like I'm giving and giving but never receiving. Why do I even keep doing it, despite the close to nothing reward? Don't know. Guess I'm just goin' through the motions. It sucks--they will/might complain if you don't give them enough, yet, they don't bother to do the same for you. Like it's a chore to care about you, and it makes you feel like nothing. It's okay for them of course but god forbid you say/do the wrong thing. I don't think it's on purpose - which also kinda makes it worse, because they're just too lazy to care.

 

[allidoiswish]

Felt so hard. All the time, it feels like I'm giving and giving but never receiving. Why do I even keep doing it, despite the close to nothing reward? Don't know. Guess I'm just goin' through the motions. It sucks--they will/might complain if you don't give them enough, yet, they don't bother to do the same for you. Like it's a chore to care about you, and it makes you feel like nothing. It's okay for them of course but god forbid you say/do the wrong thing. I don't think it's on purpose - which also kinda makes it worse, because they're just too lazy to care.

EXACTLY!! I've been feeling this a lot too. It's like you're always there for people, listening and trying to care, but when it's your turn it just gets brushed off or ignored. After a while it makes you feel kinda stupid for even trying so hard yk? (◞‸ ◟)

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

Literally why do all the kindest, most genuine people always end up being surrounded by such awful, selfish cunts?!?!

I hear about it so much on this site that I'm convinced 95% of people are "energy vampires" causing the rest of us to suffer.

These evil fucks actually just drain us until we're nothing left and then move on to the next victim with no remorse whatsoever.

 

[allidoiswish]

Literally why do all the kindest, most genuine people always end up being surrounded by such awful, selfish cunts?!?!

I hear about it so much on this site that I'm convinced 95% of people are "energy vampires" causing the rest of us to suffer.

These evil fucks actually just drain us until we're nothing left and then move on to the next victim with no remorse whatsoever.

so true. It's really discouraging when you see genuinely good people getting drained by others who don't seem to care. I don't know if it's that most people are like that but it definitely happens enough to make you question things… I think kind people just tend to give more of themselves, and not everyone deserves that :‹. Its just one of the many reasons as to why this world is ass lol

 

[morina]

every time I talk to my friends about something serious, tell them i miss them (i moved) or tell them a story they ALWAYS brush it off, blurt out a random ref/meme, say something like "damn" and then proceed to change subjects or just ignore what i said. but whenever THEY talk to me about something serious or tell me about their day i sincerely listen or do my best to help them or give them advice. even when i feel that they're a little off i always ask them if they're okay but none of them have ever done that for me. i always buy them gifts and food but they've also never did that for me.. i genuinely dont know if they're doing that on purpose but i cant help but feel sad or mad whenever i think about it. i dont know if im just overthinking this so please tell me!

Yeah I totally get you, that has been my experience with pretty much every friend I have had since age 10, too. Though it doesn't necessarily have to be on purpose, for some people, it's just their preferred way of treating people and being treated. Depends on if they reacted negatively or complained if you treated their problems like they treat yours.
Anyway, it's not about them right now; yeah, you are absolutely in the right to be mad about this and you are not overthinking. Doesn't matter if they do it on purpose or not, it's just draining when people in relationships, be they platonic or romantic, invest such different levels of emotional capacity into the relationship. I know this is probably a weird question since you likely did with friends of 8 years, but: Have you ever tried addressing how you feel about this to them? If you did, did they brush it off the same way?

 

[allidoiswish]

yeah, you are absolutely in the right to be mad about this and you are not overthinking.

thank you sm! im glad ˆᗜˆ

Have you ever tried addressing how you feel about this to them? If you did, did they brush it off the same way?

yeah, i actually have tried bringing it up two times. the first time they kind of brushed it off and said i was overthinking it or that it was just in my head. the second time i tried to be a bit more direct and serious about how it was making me feel, but they just went quiet for like a full minute and didn't really respond, and then just switched to playing a game like nothing happened.

it kinda sucks because it makes me feel like what i'm saying doesn't matter or isn't worth taking seriously especially when i try to be there for them when they need it.

 

[CatLvr]

You are an empath. There are a TON of us here. Why?? Because we FEEL more than "normal" people. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It also does not mean there is anything wrong with your friends. What to do, though, you ask?? Be yourself. Be that friend they can come to when they need "that kinda friend" -- the kinda friend you are. BUT ... Also ... You are gonna have to find another way to get what you need, otherwise you are gonna wind up completely used up and thinking there is something wrong with you.

Let me say it again in case you didn't catch it the first time -- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

SO ... Find something that replenishes your soul. Maybe find some new friends. Notice: I am NOT saying get rid of your old friends. I am saying ADD to your friend circle. But be aware that there is a reason you are drawn to certain types of people (and certain types of people are drawn to you).

What worked for me, you might ask?? Not people. Well, not until I found this place, anyway ... I have more friends (who, I might add I will likely never meet in person) now than I have EVER had in my life. But for me, animals filled that void. Doesn't matter what kind -- dogs, cats, guinea pigs, birds, fish, house plants ... OMG so many house plants. Lol It seems that the creatures humans considered "lesser than" get me better than any human ever has.

Right now I am listening to Teddy Swim with 3 dogs, 5 cats and a sun conure hanging out with me on the sofa. Chatting you kiddos up. And I have a peace deep in my soul I haven't felt in a long, long time. Maybe ever actually. There are so many of you kids (I'm probably old enough to be your grandma! Lol) that I feel a connection to and with that I have NEVER felt with people closer to my own age. It's weird but it's also okay. Who is to say, as long as we do no harm, right??

So ... Keep your friends. Just know that things you are comfortable providing (and actually your soul NEEDS to provide) for others they simply cannot. And you can always come here, you know ... If you need a sympathetic ear ... Or shoulder ... Chin up, dear! It will be okay.

 

[morina]

thank you sm! im glad ˆᗜˆ

yeah, i actually have tried bringing it up two times. the first time they kind of brushed it off and said i was overthinking it or that it was just in my head. the second time i tried to be a bit more direct and serious about how it was making me feel, but they just went quiet for like a full minute and didn't really respond, and then just switched to playing a game like nothing happened.

it kinda sucks because it makes me feel like what i'm saying doesn't matter or isn't worth taking seriously especially when i try to be there for them when they need it.

Naw, I am so sorry. Then I don't have any idea what else you could do. :( Just try to keep in mind that it isn't your fault at least...

 

[allidoiswish]

You are an empath. There are a TON of us here. Why?? Because we FEEL more than "normal" people. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It also does not mean there is anything wrong with your friends. What to do, though, you ask?? Be yourself. Be that friend they can come to when they need "that kinda friend" -- the kinda friend you are. BUT ... Also ... You are gonna have to find another way to get what you need, otherwise you are gonna wind up completely used up and thinking there is something wrong with you.

Let me say it again in case you didn't catch it the first time -- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

SO ... Find something that replenishes your soul. Maybe find some new friends. Notice: I am NOT saying get rid of your old friends. I am saying ADD to your friend circle. But be aware that there is a reason you are drawn to certain types of people (and certain types of people are drawn to you).

What worked for me, you might ask?? Not people. Well, not until I found this place, anyway ... I have more friends (who, I might add I will likely never meet in person) now than I have EVER had in my life. But for me, animals filled that void. Doesn't matter what kind -- dogs, cats, guinea pigs, birds, fish, house plants ... OMG so many house plants. Lol It seems that the creatures humans considered "lesser than" get me better than any human ever has.

Right now I am listening to Teddy Swim with 3 dogs, 5 cats and a sun conure hanging out with me on the sofa. Chatting you kiddos up. And I have a peace deep in my soul I haven't felt in a long, long time. Maybe ever actually. There are so many of you kids (I'm probably old enough to be your grandma! Lol) that I feel a connection to and with that I have NEVER felt with people closer to my own age. It's weird but it's also okay. Who is to say, as long as we do no harm, right??

So ... Keep your friends. Just know that things you are comfortable providing (and actually your soul NEEDS to provide) for others they simply cannot. And you can always come here, you know ... If you need a sympathetic ear ... Or shoulder ... Chin up, dear! It will be okay.

Thank you so much for this. Honestly, hearing you say 'there is nothing wrong with you' was exactly what I needed to hear today! It's so easy to feel drained when you're the empathetic friend, and your advice about finding ways to replenish my own soul really hit home.


and by the way I love the picture you painted of your life with your dogs, cats, birds and etc lol!! it sounds incredibly peaceful. It's a huge comfort to know there are people like you out there who truly 'get it.' Thank you for being such a supportive voice for us kiddos lol. I'm definitely holding my head a little higher after reading this! (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

Naw, I am so sorry. Then I don't have any idea what else you could do. :( Just try to keep in mind that it isn't your fault at least...

its alright youve already been incredibly helpful!! thank you so much! ♡

 

[Frem]

I'm too lazy to read whole thread now so sorry if I'm not saying anything new but it seems like they either just aren't good friends or can't calk about serious topics so just ask them about why they act like that again, maybe they just can't do it for whatever reasons but even if that's not the case it's not your fault that they brush it off