Help Am I neurodivergent?

[Haematemesis]

I know the most secure way to learn is getting help from a professional but I just wanted to ask you guys -if any neurodivergent people can help me- about it.

I've always been that guy who obsesses on something and makes it his personality only to forget about it in a couple of months. This began in my early childhood. Somewhere between 5-6. I was super into dinosaurs and I know everyone is. But to say the least, I have hundreds of dinosaur related material from that era. Then my obsession changed every 6 months or so.

I am quite good at languages and linguistics. It's been my obsession since high school. I would read dictionaries when I'm bored.

I am kinda bad at social cues. Not as bad as most neurodivergent people I see claim. So I don't know if this is a sign or not.

I can hold eye contact but people almost never ever hold eye contact with me. Even the few "friends" I have don't look at my eyes when we speak.

When I try to talk to people they make an awkward face. As if they just saw an inanimate object start to speak.

I don't have many friends. Even when I talk normally to people they don't want to talk. It's not a handful of people, this has been my experience for years and counting.

I am also INTP if this has anything to do with.

I'd like to hear your perspectives. Thanks for reading.

 

[mysticatedwine]

well, its hard to tell from only your perspective. a lot of these things could be sign of neurodivergence, but they could also not be. the things you describe sound like LSN (low support need) autism, but i might just be biased in thinking that because i have it myself.

autism tends to revolve around two main aspects: repetitive/restrained interest and behaviours, as well as deficit in social communications. you sound like you have both these things, to some extent.

i wish we got to know why people won't look at you or feel awkward. has one of your friends ever given you a hint of why that might be? or a professional of some kind? maybe a family member?

 

[Haematemesis]

well, its hard to tell from only your perspective. a lot of these things could be sign of neurodivergence, but they could also not be. the things you describe sound like LSN (low support need) autism, but i might just be biased in thinking that because i have it myself.

autism tends to revolve around two main aspects: repetitive/restrained interest and behaviours, as well as deficit in social communications. you sound like you have both these things, to some extent.

i wish we got to know why people won't look at you or feel awkward. has one of your friends ever given you a hint of why that might be? or a professional of some kind? maybe a family member?

I've talked about this with my mom and one of my friends. My mom said "Honestly son I wish I could know why." and she seemed upset about it so I ended the topic. My friends said "I don't think people do that"

I'm not super ugly, I might not be attractive but if ugliness was the problem why wouldn't heterosexual men look at me?

I don't smell bad. I take care of myself and dress clean. My voice is not quirky. I just have a resting bitch face and when I talk to my friends I smile so this shouldn't be a problem.

This is my biggest problem in life now. I just want to feel like human, not only look like one. The way people treat me regularly feels degrading.

 

[chernobylmosqut]

Those are good thinking points to start off of. Before I got diagnosed with ADHD I started questioning things when I related to a couple too many ADHD related tiktoks. But you need to think deeper than that. The root of my ADHD is an inability for my brain to properly produce and regulate both dopamine and norepinephrine. So, the symptoms I have are definitely things you hear a lot such as hyperfocusing, but it also comes down to my memory, my coordination, my base energy levels, my ability to stay motivated, my impulse control, etc.

I think it's good that you're questioning. If you can't get a diagnosis from a doctor I'd recommend deep diving into what makes someone actually neurodivergent. And if you suspect ADHD feel free to reach out to me with questions. Just keep in mind I'm a biologist, not a doctor.

 

[Haematemesis]

Those are good thinking points to start off of. Before I got diagnosed with ADHD I started questioning things when I related to a couple too many ADHD related tiktoks. But you need to think deeper than that. The root of my ADHD is an inability for my brain to properly produce and regulate both dopamine and norepinephrine. So, the symptoms I have are definitely things you hear a lot such as hyperfocusing, but it also comes down to my memory, my coordination, my base energy levels, my ability to stay motivated, my impulse control, etc.

I think it's good that you're questioning. If you can't get a diagnosis from a doctor I'd recommend deep diving into what makes someone actually neurodivergent. And if you suspect ADHD feel free to reach out to me with questions. Just keep in mind I'm a biologist, not a doctor.

I've never actually researched about ADHD but if I ever suspect it I will reach out. Thank you.

As for seeing a professional I'm not sure about it. I've kind of lost my hope about mental/neurological health. I know I should see a doctor but my mind is hesitant.

 

[BrainSplatter]

I know the most secure way to learn is getting help from a professional but I just wanted to ask you guys -if any neurodivergent people can help me- about it.

I've always been that guy who obsesses on something and makes it his personality only to forget about it in a couple of months. This began in my early childhood. Somewhere between 5-6. I was super into dinosaurs and I know everyone is. But to say the least, I have hundreds of dinosaur related material from that era. Then my obsession changed every 6 months or so.

I am quite good at languages and linguistics. It's been my obsession since high school. I would read dictionaries when I'm bored.

I am kinda bad at social cues. Not as bad as most neurodivergent people I see claim. So I don't know if this is a sign or not.

I can hold eye contact but people almost never ever hold eye contact with me. Even the few "friends" I have don't look at my eyes when we speak.

When I try to talk to people they make an awkward face. As if they just saw an inanimate object start to speak.

I don't have many friends. Even when I talk normally to people they don't want to talk. It's not a handful of people, this has been my experience for years and counting.

I am also INTP if this has anything to do with.

I'd like to hear your perspectives. Thanks for reading.

it sounds plausible yes those are all signs of neurodivergence but there's also many more I'm told I have ADHD but I'm not formally diagnosed in the UK NHS it's been very difficult anyway it wasn't until I started to research more and more into it that I actually believed it was true and you simply questioned it is also a sign neurotypical people don't usually do that as all the things you said wouldn't be a issue.

I'm very much the same so it's called hyper fixation like I'll start so many projects and no ever get finished it's ridiculous how much money I've wasted 6 months though that's rare but that's because its ADHD for me there's many types of neurodivergence I'm sure some people it could last even longer others not so long anyway I'll become overwhelmed and burn out completely it's really hard for me to even focus on any task usually and it takes my entire soul.

How were things when you were younger you say you were having signs around 6 how were things in school for me I found it very difficult to make friends I always felt so alienated and how something was wrong but I never truly understood why and that's when I began masking and copying others to fit in because I didn't really know how. I used to fake expressions sometimes and I remember being young and practicing how to smile or frown again and again in the mirror.

Eye contact! Yes this is something I struggle with immensely it's like I just don't know how to do it I'll either just stare directly into your eyeballs like I'm trying to see your soul maybe that's what your doing? I often look away in discomfort it's so hard neurotypical people it comes naturally they aren't sitting having a conversation thinking am I making enough eye contact? Where am I supposed to be looking? How long should eye contact be?

I don't really struggle as much with social cues definitely no where near as much as I did in school. I think what helped with it was actually socialising the more people I met and surrounded myself in normal environments for neurotypical people this is a natural thing but I had to learn it have you always understood social cues or is it something that's improved? Another thing I always struggled with was understanding jokes like in school people would say something and everyone would start laughing except me I'd just be there so confused lol

I'd definitely watch some podcasts or creators talking about neurodiversity see what you can learn there's so many out there I hope you get there answers you are searching for

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

It's important to understand that "neurodivergent" just means you have a condition that diverges from the societally accepted norms. If you're here, you're probably neurodivergent (maybe depression). As for neurodevelopmental disorders, you certainly have AuDHD traits at least.

 

[Haematemesis]

it sounds plausible yes those are all signs of neurodivergence but there's also many more I'm told I have ADHD but I'm not formally diagnosed in the UK NHS it's been very difficult anyway it wasn't until I started to research more and more into it that I actually believed it was true and you simply questioned it is also a sign neurotypical people don't usually do that as all the things you said wouldn't be a issue.

I'm very much the same so it's called hyper fixation like I'll start so many projects and no ever get finished it's ridiculous how much money I've wasted 6 months though that's rare but that's because its ADHD for me there's many types of neurodivergence I'm sure some people it could last even longer others not so long anyway I'll become overwhelmed and burn out completely it's really hard for me to even focus on any task usually and it takes my entire soul.

How were things when you were younger you say you were having signs around 6 how were things in school for me I found it very difficult to make friends I always felt so alienated and how something was wrong but I never truly understood why and that's when I began masking and copying others to fit in because I didn't really know how. I used to fake expressions sometimes and I remember being young and practicing how to smile or frown again and again in the mirror.

Eye contact! Yes this is something I struggle with immensely it's like I just don't know how to do it I'll either just stare directly into your eyeballs like I'm trying to see your soul maybe that's what your doing? I often look away in discomfort it's so hard neurotypical people it comes naturally they aren't sitting having a conversation thinking am I making enough eye contact? Where am I supposed to be looking? How long should eye contact be?

I don't really struggle as much with social cues definitely no where near as much as I did in school. I think what helped with it was actually socialising the more people I met and surrounded myself in normal environments for neurotypical people this is a natural thing but I had to learn it have you always understood social cues or is it something that's improved? Another thing I always struggled with was understanding jokes like in school people would say something and everyone would start laughing except me I'd just be there so confused lol

I'd definitely watch some podcasts or creators talking about neurodiversity see what you can learn there's so many out there I hope you get there answers you are searching for

I don't know much about ADHD unfortunately but thanks for sharing your story. I feel similar with some of your traits so I might have AuDHD as @NormallyNeurotic said.

Other traits I remember from my childhood:

When I was walking around at home I stepped on the side of my feet. Not always but weirdly often.

I mostly eated bread dipped in a type of tomato sauce. I couldn't eat other food except for this and meat, I would literally vomit. I tried new dishes when I was 11.

When I was 7 to 8 I was afraid of going to the toilet alone so my father would come to school and wait outside of the toilet.

I would create highly sophisticated scenarios with my toys. Scenarios mostly consisted of the same elements. There was a kingdom called Avanosia and I've created scenarios about it up until this day hahaha

 

[BrainSplatter]

I don't know much about ADHD unfortunately but thanks for sharing your story. I feel similar with some of your traits so I might have AuDHD as @NormallyNeurotic said.

Other traits I remember from my childhood:

When I was walking around at home I stepped on the side of my feet. Not always but weirdly often.

I mostly eated bread dipped in a type of tomato sauce. I couldn't eat other food except for this and meat, I would literally vomit. I tried new dishes when I was 11.

When I was 7 to 8 I was afraid of going to the toilet alone so my father would come to school and wait outside of the toilet.

I would create highly sophisticated scenarios with my toys. Scenarios mostly consisted of the same elements. There was a kingdom called Avanosia and I've created scenarios about it up until this day hahaha

I also think I have AuDHD I very much show signs of both.

I think remember doing this as a kid too but I think walking tipped toes is the typical sign. I'd always have like a lot of sensory issues with my feet like I can never wear socks I walk only bare foot in the house only outside I wear them with shoes.

Yeah I was always like that as a kid and I still am now but I choose my own food so that's one pro. I kinda go through phases eat the same meal again and again it's always ramen chicken or pasta sometimes rice pizza that's it really I hate certain food textures, tastes and how it feels on my hands. Even as a kid I used to try change the texture somehow to make it edible like I'd stir my bowl of ice cream until it was more of a milkshake and eat it that way or I'd press my sandwich together really hard together so it makes a more solid texture. I'd also hate using certain cutlery because of the way it feels it seems crazy to hate a spoon or a fork lol but if the handle or prongs was too short or long it wouldn't feel right I'd be disgusted or the spoon if it wasn't deep enough like those flatter spoons I'd hate don't talk to me about sporks lol

I can't really remember much about that age and toilet issues tbh but I've suppressed so much but as a adult I definitely have issues recognising my body functions so like peeing, hunger and thirst I won't recognise it until it becomes a absolute urgency that's a sign

Imaginative play is a normal kid thing just your way of show self expression its usually something neurodivergent children would struggle with but some don't. I think the typical signs are lining up all your toys playing with the same toys repeatedly avoiding certain toys that are too overstimulating if make loud noises

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I don't know much about ADHD unfortunately but thanks for sharing your story. I feel similar with some of your traits so I might have AuDHD as @NormallyNeurotic said.

Other traits I remember from my childhood:

When I was walking around at home I stepped on the side of my feet. Not always but weirdly often.

I mostly eated bread dipped in a type of tomato sauce. I couldn't eat other food except for this and meat, I would literally vomit. I tried new dishes when I was 11.

When I was 7 to 8 I was afraid of going to the toilet alone so my father would come to school and wait outside of the toilet.

I would create highly sophisticated scenarios with my toys. Scenarios mostly consisted of the same elements. There was a kingdom called Avanosia and I've created scenarios about it up until this day hahaha

Toe-walking and heel-walking are both popular signs of autism, but I walked on the sides of my feet too! Also, the food issues you are describing is characteristic of ARFID, very commorbid with autism and ADHD.

I know people say imagative play is hard for autistic kids, but I didn't have that. What I did have a hard time doing was explaining how my play worked to others. I could do imaginative play with other kids, though. I also grew up with an intense imagination that caused me to develop maladaptive daydreaming, so I understand what you're describing.