Venting Am I loser because I procrastinate killing myself????

[Sm0k3]

Urges are always so stong, but dying seems so scary...

Everytime I try to 'plan' an attempt (I think about running away n jumping off a highway or something) sometimes my brain is so forgetful I forget I even planned to die, or was even suicidal at all?? and then if I remember I get nervous because, well, dying is scary!!! so I procrasinate another day with something like "I can't miss the new Honkai: Star Rail update!!" or "It's too cold outside, I cant walk that far"

Then I cry and the day repeats, but at the same time maybe i'm just not ready yet, because if I die then what if I miss out on something cool y'know?

 

[J&L383]

Liked: "I can't miss the new Honkai: Star Rail update"

And Liked: maybe i'm just not ready yet, because if I die then what if I miss out on something cool y'know?

I think you hit the nail on the head. As long as there's a few things you might want to live for just keep on living for now. I think you'll know in your heart of hearts when it's time. At least that's how I feel.

 

[sanan23]

im in the same boat. i wish there was some sureshot easy way to go like having access to n so i could just get over with it and end the loop of feeling this way every single day

 

[jan28]

makes sense. you are hardwired to try and keep yourself alive, after all. the preservation instinct is real.

 

[Worndown]

You might be considered a loser if you talked often about climbing Mt. Everest and never do. More likely a dreamer.

This is the hardest thing you will ever try to do. Not doing it cannot make you a loser. It makes you human.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Nah, suicide is the hardest thing that a person can ever do to themselves due to the amount of biological and societal restrictions that are in place. The body is hard wired to stay alive no matter what and other people will go out of their way to restrict or ban the peaceful suicide methods

 

[yowai]

No it's good that you have things that give you a reason to live through another day like that game you mentioned, you seem to be curious what another day might bring and it's enough to stay alive a little longer. A little bit of hope is all it takes

 

[kunikuzushi]

You're definitely not a loser. Dying is scary and having to plan it is exhausting. And since life is meaningless, maybe staying alive to make sure you don't miss nice things like in a game is a perfect reason to stay alive for now.

 

[NegevChina]

Same with me. I've been wanting to CTB for a few months but every time a new catastrophe happens I'm sure the next day ill kms. It doesn't happen. I procrastinate because I'm sure a bigger one is on its way. And its usually right. So I'm kind of calm because I know I have a plan for a way out.

 

[BismarckIRL]

You can ctb whenever but you can never unkill urself so why be so rash?

 

[Forveleth]

Adding yet another voice to say you are absolutely not a loser for procrastinating on suicide. It's definitive, potentially painful, and generally scary. There's no shame in that. There is also no shame in failing for the same reasons. Unfortunately it's damn hard to kill yourself so don't feel bad.