T
Thatdude
Life is temporary, death is permanent
- Sep 26, 2019
- 472
To be short, I set a date of 2020 at the latest. I could do it sooner. But if my life doesn't get better by a good bit, then I'm out. I know one of the things I must have is money if I want a stable life. I tried a number of options in the past, and none have worked out for me so far. I haven't worked for anyone in maybe 8 years now. Most of the 8 years I've been in school working on my last degree (which I got done late last year), and it put a serious number on me.
Anyways because I know I need money, i started looking for jobs in the local area through indeed. I found some I could do, but none of it pays hardly anything (but vastly more than what I make now from my personal projects). Many of the jobs have a required 8 to 12 hour days. By the 2nd job my anxiety shot through the roof. The realization that I will be stuck doing something like that for 30 years or more skyrocketed that. And the realization that I had a horrible time keeping a job in the past didn't help.
Without getting into detail maybe 11 months back I told my parents (who I live with and I'm in my early 30s) about this. They said it was most likely I gotten burned out due to school. Like statistically speaking I shouldn't of been able to pass HS, let alone college. (I'm autistic) And I know this last degree did a bit of damage. But I'm wondering if it is still burn out. I think it has been 10 or 11 months since I was in a class.
Like the last time I had a real job every day I wanted to drive my car into a tree, and I was fired before I could figure out a way to make it look like a freak accident.
Like right now I know without a good amount of money. I will end up living on the streets sooner or later. So if I can't realistically see my life being better then I will off myself. But just looking up local jobs ended up me looking up the price of a Desert Eagle to blow my brains out.
Right now I'm trying to kick back up my YouTube stuff. I'm not finding extreme success, but more now that I'm tying gaming with my tech how-to stuff. Like more being still not enough to make a living, but I wonder if maybe I keep doing this.
I'm also trying to license product ideas to companies, but I haven't gotten any interest yet. I'm also trying to sell 3d prints.
Does anyone have any idea what is going on? Like I feel like I'm in a catch 22. With nothing so far being a success, I need to take a real job. But just the thought of me taking on a real job makes me more favorable to offing myself by far.
What is worse is some of these jobs I can't say I don't qualify.
Anyways because I know I need money, i started looking for jobs in the local area through indeed. I found some I could do, but none of it pays hardly anything (but vastly more than what I make now from my personal projects). Many of the jobs have a required 8 to 12 hour days. By the 2nd job my anxiety shot through the roof. The realization that I will be stuck doing something like that for 30 years or more skyrocketed that. And the realization that I had a horrible time keeping a job in the past didn't help.
Without getting into detail maybe 11 months back I told my parents (who I live with and I'm in my early 30s) about this. They said it was most likely I gotten burned out due to school. Like statistically speaking I shouldn't of been able to pass HS, let alone college. (I'm autistic) And I know this last degree did a bit of damage. But I'm wondering if it is still burn out. I think it has been 10 or 11 months since I was in a class.
Like the last time I had a real job every day I wanted to drive my car into a tree, and I was fired before I could figure out a way to make it look like a freak accident.
Like right now I know without a good amount of money. I will end up living on the streets sooner or later. So if I can't realistically see my life being better then I will off myself. But just looking up local jobs ended up me looking up the price of a Desert Eagle to blow my brains out.
Right now I'm trying to kick back up my YouTube stuff. I'm not finding extreme success, but more now that I'm tying gaming with my tech how-to stuff. Like more being still not enough to make a living, but I wonder if maybe I keep doing this.
I'm also trying to license product ideas to companies, but I haven't gotten any interest yet. I'm also trying to sell 3d prints.
Does anyone have any idea what is going on? Like I feel like I'm in a catch 22. With nothing so far being a success, I need to take a real job. But just the thought of me taking on a real job makes me more favorable to offing myself by far.
What is worse is some of these jobs I can't say I don't qualify.
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