Discussion Am I being too optimistic?

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To be frank, I am not really a fan of life in general, let alone my own life. I don't see the point, therapy is shit since I can't even be truthful with my therapist otherwise I risk getting locked up in a mental ward again (which btw, is pretty messed up how they can essentially just kidnap you). I've been trying hard to look for reasons to live for and there is only one reason I can think of: Love. Not my career, not materialistic things, just love. The love of my parents is currently the only thing keeping me alive, and if they were to die I would surely follow shortly. So if I am to live, I need to somehow surround myself with love. I do have friends, but none of my friends make me think "Oh I shouldn't CBT because otherwise they'd be sad" to be honest I don't even think most of my friends would notice my absence. It has to be some deeper love, comparable to the one my parents have given me. A true connection like the one you can have with a romantic partner that genuinely loves you.

So right now I'm essentially putting all my eggs in one basket and hoping that somehow someway finding a loving partner in the future is gonna be enough to keep me away from CBTing anytime soon. But I fear I might be a little too optimistic. Unfortuantely, the only romantic partner I've ever had was not so great, she was abusive in many ways and being with her was almost like a daily torture. It wasn't all negative, but it was definitely a lot negative. So will love really be enough to make a man "happy" (at least happy enough not to CBT), what do you guys think? Should I be looking for other things to live for? Althought I doubt they exist, but feel free to suggest them.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I'm sorry to hear about your past experience... In my opinion love from another person is wonderful, and can make your life a lot better, but I wouldn't rely on it entirely (it won't always be there, like you said). Love has to come from within.

I think to truly love someone else regardless, and for someone else to love you, you have to love yourself. Then, you can say to another person: no matter what happens, I am at peace, I value myself, and because of that, I want to share myself with you. And the other person will sense that within you and want to be with you.

Self-love isn't always an easy process, but anyone can take those steps. I'm sure there's a lot about you to love, and that other people can. The trick is to love yourself no matter what happens, even your flaws, that good things you do are amazing, and bad things you experience are at least 'interesting'. It's clear from your post that you're introspective, considerate and like to learn about yourself, which in itself is really valuable.

 

[bolt]

This "To be frank, I am not really a fan of life in general, let alone my own life " is golden. Ideally, you would get better before you find the partner, a relationship does bring stress and requires effort. However, we never know how one's life can unfold. Hope you find happiness.

 

[Pluto]

The problem you might find is that the ultimate love is unconditional, yet love to/from a partner is the most insanely conditional love ever. It's an emotionally-charged transaction. Only when all conditions are met is it fulfilling for a while. Not to say that it can't be more than that, but we would first need a much more complete understanding about the nature of love, and reality itself for that matter.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think the thing is that in this world you simply cannot rely on and trust other people. Relationships usually just lead to more suffering and problems anyway, as people can potentially be very cruel. I certainly think that it's for the best to be alone.