Help Am I being groomed by my former HS teacher?

[SexyIncél]

Google is giving you recommendations based on your history. I'm guessing there's incel related content? I'm not getting the same results as you.

Nice try with ad hominems, but everyone can see I recently quoted a book from black feminist Bell Hooks. I'll read anyone from Hitler to Chomsky, incels to black feminists. Anything less is intellectual weakness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, the article I cited was from United Educators Association of Texas. Represents over 26,000 North Texas public school employees

Sorry, but you offer no argument & persist in sexist smears that really hurt people! And doesn't help the OP

I'm done doing research. I think the situation's clear: This ain't grooming. Unless there's crucial missing info

Bullshit asymmetry principle: "The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than that needed to produce it."

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Nice try with ad hominems, but everyone can see I recently quoted a book from black feminist Bell Hooks. I'll read anyone from Hitler to Chomsky, incels to black feminists. Anything less is intellectual weakness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, the article I cited was from United Educators Association of Texas. Represents over 26,000 North Texas public school employees

Sorry, but you offer no argument & persist in sexist smears that really hurt people! And doesn't help the OP

I'm done doing research; I think the situation's clear. Bullshit asymmetry principle: "The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than that needed to produce it."

Congrats? You're quoting a random teacher's union website whose job is to defend teachers to defend the position that this isn't grooming or grooming is okay because it's sexist that it affects men more than women.
You do realize that' just saying male teachers are more likely to groom students or more likely to get caught than female teachers?
It's still illegal in the US and in Texas as well.

While I did say "men," I did not say "all men." I wasn't referring to outliers like yourself. This thread is not about you, so stop being self-centered and engaging in pointless debates with others. You're derailing OP's thread.

Don't respond to any of my comments. Read my disclaimer carefully.

"I don't debate with suicidal people. If you agree, kindly upvote/reply. If you disagree, please ignore. I understand we won't always agree. Thanks!"

That wasn't the point. "The issue is a teacher communicating inappropriately with a student and minor for over a year."

It's not about me. There's a division of what a healthy friendship is and what is not. OP is unsure of where that is because grooming. What you said sounds like you went through something similar and are upset at men in general. I assumed "men" was general term referring to most men. You didn't say some men either. She should be able to report him. She has texts dated from when she was a minor containing sexual innuendo and crude humor.

 

[todienomore]

I want to see your art and his art lol. That will let me know if he is a liar or not

Anyway I would guess you should work on your mental health first since you are on this forum. Keep the connection, but stay good friends. Maybe go have a couple drinks, but have a plan to go home alone, not too late. If he is really into you in a healthy way, he will still be into you for years. A narcissist doesn't take 'no' well, so if he devalues/discards you, you dodged a bullet. But if you want this to have a chance at working and not be a disaster you should figure out your mental/physical health. Don't go into a relationship without self love, (among other things) its not fair to the other person. And to be really frank, maybe practice relationships/sex with other partners first. (Many people are not good at sex, including women)

This is definitely well into the 'grooming' grey area because he was in a position of authority, sorta a mentor. Were you and him hanging out alone a lot or was this almost always in a group?

It could still work though, if he is really capable of helping you grow/heal and potentially less harmful than trying to date immature boys. But yea put that work in first to heal, no one else cant fix you. Falling in love in a trauma bond fantasy, and having that bubble shatter is the worst feeling.

 

[SexyIncél]

She should be able to report him. She has texts dated from when she was a minor containing sexual innuendo and crude humor.

Nope. Re-read the OP. All of those texts were post-graduation, written in the last weeks

I fear boring everyone with the obvious. But people are trying to smear & destroy a decent guy, so now it's serious

 

[Celerity]

Nope. Re-read the OP. All of those texts were post-graduation, written in the last weeks

I fear boring everyone with the obvious. But people are trying to destroy a decent guy, so now it's serious

I mean, we don't really know if he is a decent guy, but we also don't know if he's the pedophilic scum of the earth most other folks on here assume he is. You're not going to make any progress here, unfortunately. We're definitely in the minority, lol. OP has heard enough opinions to make a decision for herself.

 

[shelaysdown]

Nope. Re-read the OP. All of those texts were post-graduation, written in the last weeks

I fear boring everyone with the obvious. But people are trying to smear & destroy a decent guy, so now it's serious

he and I did message when I was in high school. and to be clear, I was suspecting the relationship was inappropriate even before all this. I mention it now because he is no longer my teacher and might feel comfortable making a move if it's not a crime. It's super unclear (even to me) if he's just genuinely trying to be friends or if he is looking for more. He straddles the line with his behaviours.

 

[SexyIncél]

he and I did message when I was in high school. and to be clear, I was suspecting the relationship was inappropriate even before all this. I mention it now because he is no longer my teacher and might feel comfortable making a move if it's not a crime. It's super unclear (even to me) if he's just genuinely trying to be friends or if he is looking for more. He straddles the line with his behaviours.

Ah. Ok, that alters my understanding, thanks for the update!

Yeah, one person wanted her narcissist shrink to love her. She sent me their texts & session recordings. Waaay better than me going through her predigested impressions. Because otherwise, I'd just amplify them

Personally, I had a couple teachers kinda wanted contact outside highschool. One made me feel uncomfortable, so I ghosted. Another teacher, I think it might've been worthwhile if we got physically intimate when I was 16. I could've learned a lot from a reasonable woman. At least, she'd likely be no worse than other relationships. Many younger girls are fucked-up emotional monsters, when you're inside their shells. Just like how inexperienced guys are dangerous martial arts partners, because they often move too emotionally to help you learn safely

But most relationships fail. Most people, even promising ones, won't jell well with you. If he's straddling the line, well you clearly see something. Typically gals trade sex to get so much of a man's time & attention. If you're both not like that, ok, but that's the default

If you want insights into men, I like Orion Taraban. It's like getting into a car. Maybe you shouldn't, because you're too fragile. But if you do, gotta use seatbelts & airbags. Maybe experiment with a slow kiddie car or roads

Anyway, I don't know your situation. Worst of all, I don't know you. Good advisors start with many curious questions, and stick with you. If unable to do that, they offer general-purpose concepts

 

[Celerity]

he and I did message when I was in high school. and to be clear, I was suspecting the relationship was inappropriate even before all this. I mention it now because he is no longer my teacher and might feel comfortable making a move if it's not a crime. It's super unclear (even to me) if he's just genuinely trying to be friends or if he is looking for more. He straddles the line with his behaviours.

He wants sex. If you do not desire the same, you need to pump the breaks or withdraw entirely. That you found his behavior inappropriate then says it all. I had an HS teacher who was likely interested in me and I in him, but he never made any kind of move on me because he wasn't a creepy asshole. Spending time together outside of class on school grounds is one thing, but I just can't think of any context where it would be appropriate to text back and forth with a teacher.