Always sad to wake up alive

[Bluebluecrow]

I want to be dead every day. Life feels hopeless, joyless and not worth sh-t. I deal with chronic depression, dysthymia, bi-polar II and anxiety. I cannot cope with this digital world and every day is a nightmare with technology not working. I spin out with anxiety and negative self-talk immediately when the computer doesn't work, the phone doesn't work, the tv doesn't work, websites don't work, etc., and I don't know how to stop the spin. It makes me feel incredibly stupid and I've always thought of myself as smart. I am just about 70 years old and my brain is not wired for this world. I feel lost and alone (I have friends but don't let them know the extent of my pain and hopelessness). I don't even know why I am writing this...I guess I just need to tell someone, anyone, how bad I feel. I don't want to be in this world any more. Thanks for listening.

 

[littlelungs]

Write away, if you need to. Sometimes it just helps to know that there is someone out there who is reading what you have to say... just being an "ear", so to speak, without trying to challenge you on anything you've said or how you feel.

I can completely empathize with everything you've said, and I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be painful, I feel sad to wake up too. It can be exhausting when you are constantly frustrated and everything feels hopeless. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[logan]

Maybe it would help to talk to a good friend about it.

 

[Moose.000]

You're not alone. I'm caught in a cycle of dread. I dread sleep because I suffer from severe nightmares and sleep paralysis. At the same time I dread waking up and living this life. I prefer sleep over being awake, regardless of the sleep torture I endure. There's only 1 solution to my endless suffering. One day.

 

[Hollowillow]

I want to be dead every day. Life feels hopeless, joyless and not worth sh-t. I deal with chronic depression, dysthymia, bi-polar II and anxiety. I cannot cope with this digital world and every day is a nightmare with technology not working. I spin out with anxiety and negative self-talk immediately when the computer doesn't work, the phone doesn't work, the tv doesn't work, websites don't work, etc., and I don't know how to stop the spin. It makes me feel incredibly stupid and I've always thought of myself as smart. I am just about 70 years old and my brain is not wired for this world. I feel lost and alone (I have friends but don't let them know the extent of my pain and hopelessness). I don't even know why I am writing this...I guess I just need to tell someone, anyone, how bad I feel. I don't want to be in this world any more. Thanks for listening.

If you found this site you're better at technology than most... Oh god 70 years old... So many years of hell. I think that's why death exist, because there is a limit to how much we can unlearn, relearn, and adapt. Easier to start fresh with a mini clone child.

On the positive side your natural death should be coming in a decade... Or so... You sound still lucid, still you. You can give up tech and go take walk in nature. Many never tried to master it. Like the amish.

But yes I try to sleep nonstop due to pain and having no life... I wake up almost screaming. I have no pain in my dreams.